Be Brave Enough...

“Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.” 

―  Theodore Roosevelt

I remember having more drive to get back up after you fall, when I was younger. I seemed more resilient, more likely to "do it" until I "got it." Even now, I can remember how I would look at my last failure, "what worked", "what didn't" and then I'd try again. 

How does this drive become diluted, over time, in some of us?

When I was young, when I fell off my bike, I hopped right back up and tried again. When I skinned the heck out of my knees learning how to slide properly, I taped up and slid again. When I belly flopped while trying to do a swan dive, I got up the ladder and on the diving board again to try. When I learned to water ski, I spent the better part of two days and 8 hours just getting up on the skis. I endured water wedgies, water slapped faces, and nearly drown myself and yet all I wanted to do was grab that tow bar and try again.

I wasn't scared.

Wait, yes, I was. I was afraid I'd keep failing, but the difference was that I didn't stop trying. The challenge was something to be tamed.

When I played softball in high school, and my coach didn't like me. He never told why, but he just didn't like me.

 I still went in my backyard with my dad and threw 200-300 pitches a night. I still met every challenge he threw at me.

My parents talked me into confronting him and standing up for myself. This scared me. It's one thing when I controlled the outcome of my challenges, but this one lay in the hands of a coach who had shown me nothing but disdain.

I went to that coach, at a mere 17 years of conflict-aversion, and told him I felt I deserved to play, that I had earned it, (eloquently stating my stats) and he should have me starting, he shut me down with just a few words.

"I don't agree."

No, "work on this, " or "if I saw more of this from you," there was nothing that I could improve to change my status on the team. I was shut down. My psyche was bruised and battered, it was the first chink in my armor. I clearly remember the moment, because it was the moment I learned that others could influence aspects of my life's journey. 

I didn't like that, because now it wasn't just up to me, others could unknowingly (or knowingly) derail me. Very... uncool... and very disheartening to a young, driven person.

Over a lifetime, I've endured minor dings and full frontal attacks, and the one thing I've realized today... I'm still getting up, I'm still getting back on, and I'm still peddling. I might be a little slower on the bike, or dusting off the skinned knees, and it may take me twice as long to get over the hurt or emotional injury endured...but I'm getting back up.

There will be days when no matter what my personal efforts are, there could be an outside force that knocks me off the seat.  There will be people who will never like me or think much of me, despite my efforts to know and understand them or find common ground. The lesson is that it's not the outside forces, its the one within, that should be tended. When that flame seems to be waning and diminishing, stoke it. It's the one that will serve you best. Get back up, dust off, evaluate, and go for it again. 

If it's in you, if fear hasn't squelched it, if self-doubt hasn't derailed it, if nay sayers haven't stomped it out... breathe deep, blow gently on the flame and renew the source of your bravery, and try again.