Brandi Mechele: Boundaries
Oh boundaries... such a dense topic and one that so many people are drawn to. However, they can be complex and challenging to navigate.
I will start by stating that oftentimes people are drawn to the topic of boundaries as there is a misconception that improved boundaries will solve all of your problems... well maybe not all of them, but you get my point. It is akin to believing that the challenge is with the other person. So from my consistent position of Radical Responsibility please know that two things can be true. There is a need to have boundaries emotionally, mentally, and physically however when friction arises in your life that is uniquely a lesson for you and has less to do with the other person... however I will not go down this rabbit hole today.
The Oxford Dictionary definition of boundaries "real or imagined line that marks the limits or edges of something and separates it from other things or places; a dividing line."
I have come to think of boundaries from a place of love. We have them as a means of demonstrating to the universe how much we love ourselves and it provides clarity, especially to other humans, about how we can interact with them at our best. It also avoids hurt feelings and misunderstandings.
I recently had a client relay a story of her applying for a new role and her friend outlining for her some of the challenges my client may have to get the position. If we are in a phase of our life where someone cannot beautifully support us, perhaps we take a bit of space until we get to the other side. Sometimes people unknowingly offload their insecurities or worries on us. Especially when we are working on a big goal, it's imperative that we surround ourselves with a strong (and positive) support system.
So often, we think that people should know how to interact with us; the challenge with this is that each of us comes from such diverse backgrounds that around many topics, there are no universally agreed upon expectations. So, preferably, PRIOR to having friction with individuals, it is so beautiful to share insights about how they can best connect with you. It turns out the best way for them to know is to tell them.
Being committed to this also ensures that we are really connected with ourselves. We must be able to articulate what feels good to us, how we best communicate, what topics are inbounds, how we best receive feedback, what motivates us, and what drains our energy. As I rattle these off, are you able to quickly answer them?
When we do NOT know ourselves deeply, we are more prone to be triggered. From this space, acknowledge where you are and realize that it is even MORE critical to set boundaries. As we heal and reconnect, we are so aligned in the world that there is less need for boundaries.
I would love to hear how setting boundaries shows up in your life and what has worked incredibly well for you.
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Changing the world is an inside job… LFG
?XX Brandi
?Thanks for reading my Journal Entry. I'm grateful for each of you. ?
Sending you SO. MUCH. LOVE.
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