Brace for impact: how to face personal uncertainty

Or, how not to feel dreadful when you inevitably get fired.

You are your job

If, you're like most people, you "are" your job, that's a problem. In many ways.

• ?You define yourself by your job title.
• You introduce yourself with your job title.
• You think more about your work than your family or friends.

?In essence:

?Your last promotion from your boss is given almost as much importance when you meet people as the name your parents gave you.

?"Hello, I'm Paul, I'm the Vice President of Important Things at Impressive inc."

Everything that matters is out of your hands

You've defined yourself and everything that matters to you around something that's outside of your control.

When you lose your job, as happens to most of us over the course of a long career, it can feel as if the foundations of your world have been torn from you.

We are no longer whole. We are without purpose, without meaning, without hope. Without value.

Why?

All of that purpose, and meaning, and hope, and value was bundled up and sourced from your job.

It's a natural thing to do - after all, we spend vastly more time with our colleagues than with family or friends.?

If you identify yourself completely with your job, your role, your title, your team, then having that taken away from you can win you lose more than just an income.

What do most people do when they lose their job unexpectedly?

There are three parts to this:

1. Don't lose your job
2. Don't lose it unexpectedly
3. Be in a position not to care when it does happen - be in A Good Place already

Let's take it as read that you're doing a decent job of work, you're not particularly toxic or otherwise deserving of The Boot out the Door.

Let's try not to get taken by surprise.

If there's a wall, read the writing on it. Take a sense of the company energy and attitude of the senior people. Absolutely, 100% follow your gut. If it doesn't smell right, it's not right. Get ready.

From my own experience and from working with many dozens of people who have lost their job and suffered from the experience - losing your job rarely goes well.

"Gosh, that was fun! I must lose my job again!" said no one, to nobody, ever.

You experience any number of blinding emotions: shock, denial, anger, depression and more.

You suffer from grief. It can be immenesly stressful and create sudden, huge anxiety in your life and importantly - in the lives of your family.

You can't think clearly when you need to

Going through all these emotional responses shuts down your ability to think clearly and rationally at the precise moment you need to.

• You need to be emotionally centred.
• You need to be optimistic about your own capabilities.
• You need to be rational about dealing with the immediate steps of exiting with biggest package you can negotiate.
• You need to be starting to think about your next steps.

?

If "you are your job" - it's going to be impossible for you to disconnect from that corner you've painted yourself into in time.

How can you get to that Good Place ahead of time?

When I lost my job, I had thankfully begun this process some 6 - 8 months ahead of time. Because of my position in the company, I could see things going to shit and had begun to think through what I would need to do.

Before that, I was my job. I was Paul, VP of important things. Until I decided I wasn't.

If you get hit by a bus, your company will replace you in a week. Your family won't.

I started to redefine myself as a person.

Here's how you can make the change:

1. Work out who are you - nice easy question for a start! Try formulating this sentence for yourself. Repeat it. Learn it. Use it."I'm Jane, daughter of Stephen and Margret from Aberdeen, wife of Gordon, mother of Robert and Peter, sister of Kathrine. I'm really good at gardening and I enjoy jiu jitsu.? I'm also a [VP of something or other at company]."
2. Put your life into the correct order in practice. Now you have reordered your self-definition, make it so in reality. What do you need to do to be Present with those people and activities? Work out the time you have - spend it in order, and on purpose.
3. Help other people do the same.? I love asking people "where are you from?" and "where did you grow up?" - two great ways to get to know the actual person, and avoid the title. Helping people is a sure fire way of feeling better yourself.
4. Build out and claim your new identity away from work and build your resilience. Practically - make a list of all the things you enjoy, or might like to try out. Join groups of other people doing them, or try some in person classes. Don't bother with online things - you have to get out and be with other people in order for this to make a difference.?We are social, community animals - even if you get your energy from solitude - you can recharge, and spend some of it with other people.

Having a broader identity and set of interests makes you a more interesting and rounded person as well.

Sets you up for retirement if you ever get there! What would you do if you weren't working?

Your job is something you do - not who you are.

If I can help you with any of these - get in touch

1. 1:1 coaching & advisory. Helpful coaching that doesn't leave you to work it all out. Critical Friend. Shoulder to complain on. Ladder to step up to new responsibilities.
2. Management core skills group coaching & training. Best and fastest lever to improve team results. The basics done very well = excellence.A live, remote 9 week program covering 18 core management topics in 30 mins 2 x week. Immediate results!
3. Executive team coaching. Fixes: lack of trust, poor communication, lack of purpose, blame culture. You are the source of your culture. It's the invisible, unconcious operating system of your company. You can only change it together when you make it concious.

Always happy to chat.

https://practical-leadership.academy/meet