OF BOYS; OF MEN; AND A BALANCED SOCIETY

The empowerment and support of the girl-child over the years have been a norm - a good one, owing to the deep concerns which have been raised towards seeing the girl-child as a vulnerable human specie. This, therefore, has given her the centre stage for proper grooming and immense attention while little or no such interest is given to the development of the boy-child.

?????????????????????????????????????????Who suffers more, in the long run?

1.0 INTRODUCTION

Proper grooming is essential for the development and well-being of all children, including boys.

The neglect and poor training that the boy-child has received (to his detriment) have over the years resulted in some negative global effects. The need to intently foster the boy-child's individual, emotional, and social development as much as it is done for the girl-child has become obvious, in furtherance of the narrative change and the balanced or stable society that we all seek.

While raising boys "right" may mean different things to different people, it is important to give boys a healthy mix of love, discipline, and guidance as they grow, develop, and metamorphose into good men who will in turn become husbands, fathers, leaders, and influencers.

This article x-rays the need for the proper grooming of the boy-child; further discusses the various areas of life and living that he needs swift help and empowerment, and shares some key principles or strategies for raising and mentoring boys that can help them grow into or become healthy, safe and well-adjusted adults.

2.0 THE FUSS ABOUT GROOMING BOYS?

Better living, decency, and nobility, are not gender-centric; God never made it that way. The Biblical counsel in Ephesians 6:4 that children should be brought up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord is not gender exclusive, either. Bearing this in mind points to the fact that deploying all the strategies, tools, energy, and resources available to give the girl-child a good upbringing while the boy-child is left to kick around, is not what should be the case.

Over the years, we have deepened attention on moulding our girls into better people but have allowed our boys to wander and in most cases, veer off into unhealthy paths. They have learned from society what we failed to do right. The stereotypes and limitations that we created are mutated and shared across the board.

We coexist in a common society - men and women; boys and girls.?

As the clock ticks and the years go by, the boy-child whom the family or society failed to give an intentional and proper upbringing, grows into a man who practically lives off the recurrent toxicity, negative notions, and mantra that he picked up along life’s way. He then creeps his way into a well-raised girl’s life, as a spouse, father, or teacher, and friction becomes the order. Just then, if not too late for a redress, the tales of everything that is not wished for begin to be told.

There is a severe hunger and thirst for a balanced society; peaceful coexistence and an end to gender wars. If this is a goal to be achieved, boys must be well-groomed in the same measure that girls are, because our society is the way it is today because of this generational lacuna.?

Do not just train girls to be good sisters or grow into better wives, mothers, and homemakers. Train boys as well, to be better brothers, noble husbands, fathers, and leaders. Inculcate in them in equal proportion, a good sense of value for God, humanity, and our society, for virtue is for all, while viciousness should be for none.?

Grooming boys includes teaching boys about personal hygiene, manners, and appropriate social behaviour. It also includes discipling and teaching them to be humane; how to respect themselves and others; and how to make healthy choices. To unbundle this particular pack:

Personal hygiene is an important aspect of grooming. From a tender age, boys should be taught to practice good hygiene by taking regular showers or baths, washing their hands regularly, brushing their teeth, and keeping their hair and nails clean. They should also be taught about the importance of clean clothing and personal grooming products, such as deodorant and cologne. This is not solely a girl-child code.

Manners and social behaviour are also important aspects of grooming. Boys should be taught to be kind, polite, respectful, responsible, and considerate of others, thereby treating them (even girls) with dignity. They should be taught how to make and maintain quality friendships, how to interact with people from different backgrounds and cultures, and how to navigate social situations. This too should not be an expectation solely had of a girl-child.

Making healthy choices includes teaching them not to live life as it comes but to carefully determine how they would want their lives to pan out. It also involves teaching them to at all times choose virtue over the vicious lifestyle of dabbling in drugs, alcohol, and tobacco. Boys should also be taught about the importance of getting enough sleep and managing stress or pressure.

Just like it is done to the girl-child, teaching the boy-child all of these things can help them grow into confident, responsible, sane, sound, and successful adults.

3.0 WHAT THEN SHALL WE FURTHER DO?

Admittedly, there is no one-size-fits-all approach, but there are certain principles and values that can be instilled in boys to help them grow into happy, healthy, all-round, and well-adjusted adults – men but doing the following will help:

• Just the way it is drummed into the girl-child’s sub-consciousness, teach the boy-child what his rights and privileges are, and encourage him to pursue his interests or passions and to always be set and work towards achieving his goals. Never assume that he is already wise and strong enough to push forward; step into his boat and help him set sail.??

• Boys need clear rules and boundaries: Teach them proper responsiveness, healthy coping mechanisms, and problem-solving skills to help them navigate the challenges of life. With this knowledge in great measure, they will learn not to transfer or heap their frustrations on the women in their lives or anyone or thing in sight.

• Provide the boys with, or expose them to positive role models: This is crucial because boys need to see men who embody healthy masculinity and strong moral values. This can include family members, teachers, coaches, and other adults in the community. These role models can serve as a guide for boys as they navigate the complexities of life. Be that good role model, particularly if you are an exemplary and ideal man whom the boy-child can proudly pattern his life after.

• Encourage emotional expression: Boys should be taught that it is okay to express their emotions and to talk about their feelings. This is often seen as a "feminine" trait, but in reality, it is just as important for boys to be in touch with their emotions as it is for girls. Boys who are taught to suppress their emotions may struggle with emotional unintelligence and mental health issues later in life, and may become a threat - even to the girl-child.?

Boys should have an open line of communication with their parents, mentors, or any adult they trust, for this will enable them to freely talk about their thoughts and feelings and in turn develop healthy coping mechanisms and problem-solving skills, like it was earlier mentioned.

• Promote healthy masculinity: Boys should be taught to be confident, assertive, and respectful, without being aggressive or domineering. They should also be taught to respect and value the contributions of others, regardless of gender. This will help them deflate any over-bloated ego and develop healthy relationships with both men and women as they grow older.

• Encourage education, capacity building, and intellectual development: Just like we do with girls, boys should be encouraged to excel academically and skills-wise. Encourage them also to pursue their interests and passion, for this will help them develop a sense of purpose and direction in life.

• Encourage independence and responsibility: Boys should be given age-appropriate responsibilities and be taught to take ownership of, and personal responsibility for their actions. This will help them develop a sense of self-worth and self-esteem.

• Foster strong family relationships: Strong family bonds can provide boys with a sense of security and belonging. No matter how busy your schedule is, get interested in their affairs; be protective of them as well, and make sure to spend quality time together. This will help boys develop a strong sense of value for the family and also build a positive self-image.

• End the stereotypes: The many stereotypes that boys face daily can lead to pressure to conform to societal expectations and that can be harmful to their mental/physical health, relationship with others, and overall well-being. Violating their rights and subjecting the boys to these stereotypes can lead them to feel the pressure to act aggressively thereby contributing to the issues of insurgency, domestic violence, and sexual assault. Recognize and trash these stereotypes, for doing so will create a more inclusive and equitable society for all – both boys and girls; men and women.

4.0 CONCLUSION

Every child is unique and may need different approaches, mentoring, and parenting styles, but an extra layer of intentionality can help reveal some other guidelines that can be adapted to fit your boy-child's upbringing needs.

Raising, grooming, and mentoring boys "right" is a complex task that requires a combination of love, discipline, guidance, positive role models (in their fathers and other sound and exemplary adult men), and a safe environment. By instilling positive values and principles in them; providing advice and structure; promoting independence and responsibility; and fostering strong family relationships, parents, mentors, and the community can help boys grow into better, happy, healthy, relatable, and well-adjusted adults.

Doing this can go a long way to stifle unnecessary competition, curb gender inequality, and challenge gender-based violence in our society. This is because the boys will become, in themselves, better people - having been given an equal measure of love, attention, and the chance to express themselves without any fear of stereotypes.

If we truly care about the future of our families, profession, society, systems, and human interactions, all hands must be placed on the deck to propel the boy child’s awareness, proper grooming, development, and living, in urgent response to their pervading neglect.

Through The Adams Project Africa (TAPA) - one of our advocacy projects in The Andino Foundation for Community Development, we are already doing a lot to change the narrative in African communities, but here is a call to extra consciousness, intentionality, and more work.?

Parents – Fathers, Mothers, Mentors, Teachers, Caregivers, Counsellors, ARISE.

...towards achieving a balanced society.

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MARY UMANAH

(Boy-Child Advocate)