THE BOY FROM MY JAPANESE CLASS.

I sat at the back of the room, smack bang in the middle. One of the popular boys sat in front of me; the popular girls to his side.

I liked my Japanese class. I also liked that the teacher didn’t care that I did my nails during class or would sequin my dance costumes.

One week I took a small manicure kit out of my backpack. I quietly filed and buffed my nails, finishing my manicure off with a strawberry-scented oil.?

The boy in front of me turned around.

“What’s that?”

“Oh, it’s a nail buffer and oil. It makes your nails really shiny. See?”

“Could you do mine?”

The room was dimly lit—as it always was—and I had the popular boy's hand in mine as I tended to his nails. When I was finished he held his hand up, catching the light and moving it ever so slightly to see the difference in his cuticles and ridges compared to before.

“Hmm!”

The noise of approval.

He looked at me and smiled, before turning around to face the board. The girl next to him grabbed his hand, looked at his nails, and began to ask questions. But she never looked at me.

It kind of reminded me of the curiosity around my year six school books covered in astrology tear-outs from magazines and decorated with my assortment of pens from the art store.

“Ooh... that’s a bit weird. But could I borrow that pen?”?

Only for me to hear the same girl talking about it later on to a group and showing them said pen with the group hanging on every word she said.

It was really strange. I couldn’t understand why I was interesting to some and they were curious about me, but it never translated to friends or the growth in popularity that it did when they shared about it.

I always felt like an outsider that people came to for inspiration, got their fix, and left.

The above memories come up regularly.

They rush back to the surface when I spend hours doing something to see someone else in business terribly rip off to be met with the applause I wish I got.

And between us, this is something that has caused a lot of tears (I know — it doesn't feel on brand for me to cry, does it?!)

I've sent many emotional voice messages to friends saying I was sick of being everyone’s source of inspiration and that my business never gets any benefit out of it. I could see how the nugget of inspiration came from my business, and how with their sharing, it bought them the audience and sales that I wish it did for me. I couldn’t understand why I was met with silence with my own work and feeling like everything was so unbelievably… slow.

And I’m back in school. My 16-year-old self watching that boy show his hands to the popular kids at lunch and not acknowledging me until we had Japanese class again.

I think it's one of the hardest parts of business. When someone appropriates your uniqueness and it's met with wonder. Their popularity grows. I stay still.

Your wounds and business.

In some ways, business is a lot like high school.

But it’s also one of the best self-development exercises we can do by healing and growing along the way. Your triggers showing you some shit that needs some tending to (mine at times needs a fuq-tonne of spring cleaning lol). And the more you get immersed in the work, the more that will come up.

For those who are in a mentorship position, life tends to throw us more. It's like Sky Daddy is thinking, "here, deal with this! You'll need to move through this to help a client with later so you have to master it yourself now."

So, hot stuff, if stuff is coming up and a fuq-tonne of shit is flying at your face. Ask yourself.

• What's activating you?
• Why is it activating you?
• What it's here to teach you?
• And if it can be tied to any point in your life?
• What are you making it mean and how can you direct your gaze from being so zoomed into the moment and instead to where you're going?

MY THOUGHTS

I know for me now there are two things going on — when I'm super annoyed by this, it's usually in response to a lack of current results that I'm desiring and I go hard in comparison mode. Meaning, I hit a quiet month, I see someone else do what I've done and it stings so much harder. I would never feel the same if I had the biggest sales week.

I also know when people appropriate what I do and I feel like everyone is turning my genius into their own stuff, I have NO IDEA how many people are sharing what I do behind the scenes and crediting me. I have no idea the conversations my name is in and some of my biggest promoters, because they'll usually never let you know.

Lastly, I do know the feeling of discovering someone and landing on their body of work. I know the feeling of discovering everything they've ever done and realising things you've loved from other people was a second-rate version of the real deal you've discovered.

We're the same — when someone discovers us—the original—their day is going to be fucking made.

Peta ??

>> QUESTION FOR THE GROUP CHAT >> HAVE YOU EVER FELT LIKE YOU DO SOMETHING UNIQUE AND IT'S RIPPED OFF BY PEOPLE AND YOU NEVER GET THE SAME PRAISE LIKE OTHERS DO? COMMENT!

LOVE THIS? THEN YOU'LL LOVE THE FOLLOWING ??

EP. 48: WHEN NOTHING IS WORKING AND IT'S ALL GOING TO SHIT