BOXED IN

When you think of the words boxed in, what feelings does this evoke for you?

The words trapped, confined, suffocated, need some damn air, and uncomfortable come to mind. This is common, at least for the overthinkers out there like myself.

We can feel boxed in—whether in our careers or personal lives. In both cases, it doesn’t feel awesome. So, in this edition of Unraveled, we are going to break it down a bit.

As always, our goal is to help the consummate professional loosen that “tie” a little bit so you can breathe easier and better express yourself online and in the workplace.

How’d we get here

Does anyone else remember the iconic scene in Dirty Dancing where Patrick Swayze walks over to the table where Baby (played by Jennifer Grey) is sitting with her family and says, "Nobody puts Baby in the corner"?

He says this line in a protective, almost defiant way—challenging her father’s low opinion of him and showing his respect for Baby. He then takes her hand and leads her on stage, where they perform the iconic dance finale to “I’ve Had The Time of My Life.”

(Here’s the scene for the dorks like me who need a blast from the past.)

Confined

We feel trapped sometimes or get in a rut, and it’s usually a self-built fort or cave of our own making.

Sometimes, the people around us or the careers we choose emphasize this feeling. It’s like when we were kids and built a giant fort with chairs on all four corners (or two couches pushed together). We draped blankets, sheets, and anything we could find to create that cozy cave effect—a safe haven.

Then, we brought in ALL THE THINGS. A flashlight, snacks, our siblings, some pillows, etc.

Until…the fort became packed to the limits. One too many blankets draped on top, and the whole thing came crashing down. Or, in my case, my brothers destroyed it for fun.

Let’s look at this fort as an example of our lives.

We built our reality and, over time, kept adding layer after layer. Add in:

• Kids
• Mortgage payments
• Quotas
• Big ambitions
• Tough relationships
• Health challenges
• Big dreams

…and suddenly, the fort starts to feel heavy and full.

What started as a fun, awesome adventure turns into a boxed-in reality. We tell ourselves, “This is just how things are.”

We self-justify, thinking stepping outside the box would just be too much work at this point. So, we stay and keep piling on the layers.

You may be in this zone if:

• You don’t love your work but feel obligated to keep it up.
• You tell yourself, “One day, it’ll be better.”
• You keep saying, “Tomorrow I’ll do X, Y, or Z”…and another year goes by, and you’re in the same place.

Layer by Layer

If you find yourself here, the good news is: YOU CAN CHANGE THINGS.

You can improve your health. You can pivot careers. You can stop making excuses. You can be free again.

To do this, start stripping things down—blanket by blanket, layer by layer.

Here are some suggestions:

• Journal about your days: Write down the good, the bad, and the ugly. This will elevate your level of self-awareness.
• Look back at your entries: What was happening on the bad days? What made them heavy? What did you do differently on the good days?
• Create a pros/cons list: Take inventory of your life. (How many parts make up that fort?)
• Check for the “heavy” layers: Mark the things that feel stressful or draining.
• Brainstorm solutions for each stressor: Can you ask your significant other or kids for help?Is it time to ask for a raise ?Should you set boundaries at work and say no to tasks outside your scope?
• Declutter your physical space: It helps more than you think.

Imagine Something New

This may feel big and overwhelming, but the truth is: we build our own realities.

We box ourselves in but can also create a new reality that feels freer.

To start:

• Strip things down.
• Identify what makes you feel trapped.
• Stop self-justifying negative actions and boundaries you’ve allowed others to cross.

You are in charge of your reality. You can change. You can improve.

It’s time to Unravel.

Together, we can step out of the box and build a reality we love to live in.

Resources to help you open your eyes and navigate towards a better you:

1. Headway App Gives you book recaps to broaden your knowledge.
2. Growth Day A personal development app I use daily.
3. Leadership and Self-Deception The book that inspired this piece.