The Box: Finding your voice
Santosh Mathew
Executive Leadership | Enterprise Transformation | Strategy | M&A | Board of Directors
Hey Broken & Breaking Impulse readers, trying my hand at a little poetic storytelling today. As always, love your feedback!
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It wasn't so long ago that I felt like this. In a sea of cubes. A sea of boxes that held me.
Welcome to the box!
They were open and interconnected, and yet, I felt detached and locked away.
See everyone is in their box!
Locked into the mundane, this is what you do, this is who you are to us. Be grateful.
Happy to be in the box!
And so it was that, every day, each decision I made, when I arrived to when I left, I craved the unlimited actions I could do with limited choices I was able to choose from.
All your choices are in your box!
Someone, something, had found a way to create value, had found a way to create a thing, or identify a need, and now, it needed persons... people, in the box.
The box gives you purpose!
It was always pretty and sleek. With sometimes the latest toys, sometimes other compelling persons, to keep us, occupied.
Stay busy in your box!
It was stocked with caffeine and sugar near by, and with optimal promises, of things to come, and you are building something. But building what? And for who? Not always clear to see.
Get comfortable in the box!
And why was this purpose, supposed to be my purpose? Why did I constantly push the buttons, attend the meetings, say things that the box wanted me to say?
Don't question the box!
I tried my hand at "networking" with others, in similar boxes. Sometimes it was good, but then a lot of times, I felt like the others were mad. Like they thought I wanted their boxes.
Don't network out of the box!
Sometimes I would try to go up to the higher boxes. It wasn't always easy, and a lot of times I felt subconscious, maybe even a bit ashamed. What was I doing? How dare I try to climb to another box?
Don't cry in the box!
Many times I would see a smile, and a hand extended as I climbed, only to find out that the hand was just finding an optimal way to nicely push me back down.
Don't get in the other box!
I wasn't always met with resistance, sometimes there would be a hand that would pull me up. The person was willing to let me see inside of their box. Learn about their box. But then it was decision time, the box was only made for one, someone had to go.
Have to get out of their box!
Everytime I would go from box to box, the emotions, the reactions, they were never the same. It was as if I was breaking some sort of rule. Some silently cheered me on. Some reluctantly made space, because they saw my moves as a way for them to move. Some oiled up the sides of their box, and smiled when I slipped, pretending to not know why.
Why are you climbing the box?
I noticed that the higher I went, the less boxes there were. And I also started to notice that the boxes started getting bigger, but the amount of people in the box, stayed the same.
Don't look into the next box!
The more and more I journeyed, the more and more I found. There were people who were outside of the box. These people seemed to be determined, like me. They seemed to be motivated, like me. But they also seemed to be untethered. This is where we differed. I was tethered, even though I had climbed many boxes, I was still connected.
Don't let go of the box!
And then it hit me. Maybe it was a box falling, but it hit me. Why was I climbing boxes? ?? Even worse. Why did I care so much about the box? Why were they so important? How did I even get here?
Watch out for falling boxes!
Every time I got to a new box, euphoria and delight hit me. I could do so many things in the new box. I was loved in the new box. I found purpose in the new box. I saw who they wanted me to be, in the box. I was empowered by the new box. And yet that wasn't all of my power, was it.
The box is everything...
And then, out of the corner of my eye, I finally saw it. There it was, a seam. Meticulously covered with a sticky substance, a tape of some sorts. Some call it salary, some call it purpose, some say its a calling. But there it was. As clear as day. It was always there. I recalled all of my other boxes, and it was always there. As I inched my way to the top of the box, and started to cut through the tape, I slowly pushed open the top.
Don't look outside of the box...
I shed a tear. Maybe dozens. I had known it for a long time, but maybe... I told myself... maybe it wasn't true. But it was. The box wasn't made for me. It wasn't made for anyone. We just felt better in the box. In the box, I didn't have to think as much. What was outside of the box, was going to be... uncomfortable.
Go back into the box!
I could stop right now. Stop your insane thinking. Stop your thoughts right now! You like the box. The box has walls. Walls keep you safe. The box has a roof, so you are covered. You like to be covered. The box has rules, so you don't have to guess at what to do. There are more boxes, when you get bored of this one, just go to another one.
Close the lid of the box, stay forever.
I peeked out, one last time. Looking out into the infinite. Looking out at what lay before me. You know what I saw? Nothing... And it scared me... What was I going to do out there? The box already had everything I needed. What if, what if it was nothing... ever?
The box is everything, out there is nothing...
My heart started to pound outside of my chest. I felt everything in me start to panic. Anxiety and worry and everything else started to flood my very being. What was I thinking? I only know the box. The box has been providing everything to me. The box is my everything. What will I do when there isn't a box?
You are nothing... without the box...
And then it hit me... it isn't nothing that is outside of the box. Nothing would mean that there is no hope. Nothing would mean that these boxes couldn't even exist. No, it wasn't nothing. It was... everything. In that moment, I tore open the lid of the box, destroying the sticky tape that had held me in so long. Heart still pounding, adrenaline of both fear and excitement both flowing, I climbed with haste, stumbling along the way. It seemed that the sticky residue wasn't going to be easy to shake, and there were chunks and pieces of the box lid I had tore through, that were in the way as I made my exit.
Leaving the box is messy...
As I ran toward the infinite possibilities of the everything, the box started fading away. For a brief, fleeting moment, I felt the need to look back. I can't lie, I did. And yet, the longer I live outside of the box. The longer my thoughts and capabilities grow in my new 'everything', the more freedom, creativity, and joy is afforded to me.
I am the box...
It wasn't the box that was the problem. It wasn't the box that kept me in. It was me. It was always me. And now, I realize, I made the box. I made the lid, the walls. I created the sticky tape that kept me in the box. I subscribed to the type of existence that made the boxes possible. I was the one that reinforced the walls. I was the one that created the other boxes. And I was the only one that could remove the boxes. When I finally opened my box, I could start being truly who I was meant to be. Now I am outside of the box, my time in the box has come to a close. Time for someone else to open it...
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