Bow to others in respect to feel good

Let us first understand that we are not here to change other people. We are here to change ourselves. Looking for external demons to slay is nothing but a denial of our own internal demons which we are afraid of fighting. Thus, it’s a better idea to focus on transforming your own ego. Let people be what they are and who they are. People are free to live this world in the way they choose, and they are equally so responsible for the consequences of such choice. Equally so, we are free to choose which people we interact with - we don’t have to choose to interact extensively with negative people. If we want to influence people in the right direction, the right way to do it is to transform ourselves and by our mere example, people will be inspired to do good.

Hence, if you want to help someone in battling their own ego, start by battling your own ego and this will inspire others. We agree that it's totally okay to put your ego aside and bow down if a relationship is at stake. Relationships can be of any sort, with your siblings, partner, spouse, boss-employee etc. But never forget, don't your lose your self respect in process of bowing down and letting your partner take advantage of it.

The other morning I was journaling and I asked myself a single question. Why did it bother me that Jen, a beautiful woman I had met they day before, was more interested in my friend than me? Jen was a very petite and curvaceous red head who was a mutual friend of mine Aaron. Aaron had a BBQ and planned to take a few of us on his boat afterwards. So I spent some time with her during the BBQ and really enjoyed talking to her.

Then another one of our mutual friends Mike shows up and it becomes immediately clear to me that she is really into him. Wherever he moved she moved too. Every time he left a room she would position herself to be somewhat near him. I quickly realized that I was fighting a lost battle. In that moment I realized a sadness sink into me. To see her more interested in Mike than me felt like a serious shot to my ego but then it hit me. “Why does it matter that this girl Jen is more into Mike than me?”

Did I feel rejected? Did I feel not good enough? Logically I know everyone isn’t meant for everyone. And really I didn’t know anything about this girl. I didn’t know if she would even fit into my lifestyle, or that my attraction for her was anything more than the fact I thought she was a sexy woman. The question dawned on me, why did it matter? I had begun seeing a therapist about six months ago and in that time I learned something very important. The pains we feel now in our adult lives usually really stem from pain we felt as children.

All the memories in our minds are all linked by emotions, and a sense of rejection felt now punches through every memory of rejection you felt your whole life. When I saw that Jen was more interested in Mike I didn’t just feel a sense of rejection from her, but all the rejection I have ever felt in life right to the beginning. Right to when I needed the love, acceptance, and support of my mother and father as a kid and I had felt rejected by them too.

When I had felt that I wasn’t good enough for them. That nothing I ever did would be good enough for them. Yet my parents didn’t truly reject me. They raised me in the manner they knew, which was how their parents raised them. To never tell your kids that they are doing well because then they wouldn’t work as hard. For my sanity I had to learn to forgive my parents and let this go. As I remembered that my desire for her to want me made perfect sense. It also became very clear how totally irrational it was for me to want her to.

What did I really know about her? How does she fit into my life? Does she even carry the values I hold for myself? Why does it matter that this single woman isn’t interested in me when I know others are? I realized that single moment of perceived rejection penetrated my heart right to the small boy inside me who still so desperately wants to receive that love and acceptance. So this morning as I sat on on my back porch watching the sunrise on a clear beautiful summer day,

I wrote in my journal about this incident, recognized the great things I had planned for today, all that I am grateful for, and recognizing the growth in myself to recognize what was really going on. I realized something else. That my ego, like all others, wants to be seen as this powerful, sexy, desirable man who knows no fear, never feels rejected or alone. Instead I choose today to recognize I am just another human full of faults and fears. I choose to give the small boy within me the love that he so desperately wanted to receive from his mom and dad but never did. Cheers!