Bourne Valley dog sh**t!

Facebook is not all bad. The online group which drives the hub-of-the universe that is our village of St Mary Bourne, Bourne Valley Signpost sports some thirteen hundred members up and down the Bourne Valley even allowing foreigners in from the Hurstbournes - Tarrant and Priors - and even Longparish.

 It’s mostly a joyous site veering from the whimsical; glorious photos taken of sunsets and wildlife. Recently a kingfisher settled just long enough to be digitally captured in all its iridescence. Then there’s the banal - “Has anyone a use for a pile of old plastic flower pots.” There are also pleas for reliable plumbers and builders. People are usually very helpful. I recently needed to get in contact with someone and the response was virtually instant. There’s security too. Dodgy people selling stuff door-to-door or tarmaccers who “just happen to have half a load left over which would bring your drive up a treat” are instantly posted alerting the unwary to these unwanted intruders into our village idyll.

 You need to be sure of your ground. Walking the dog one April morning along one of our many bosky footpaths I heard a cuckoo. Could this be the first of the year heralding spring? I posted on Bourne Valley Signpost only to be deflated by some clever dick who claimed to have heard one a week earlier.

 Still, one takes such slights in one’s stride and by and large the BVS group is a force for good. Until that is it gets into the hands of the keyboard warriors that seem to be permanently offended. Driving is always controversial. Don’t get me wrong. I am an assiduous speed limit observer, keeping under thirty in villages and even slower when passing schools particularly at start and finish times. However any minor infraction unleashes trolls who rail about mums in 4x4’s driving a mere few hundred yards to get their precious cargoes to school. “We all walked in my day.” 

 To a certain extent the site is self-regulating. We have at least two splendid regular counter-posters who react with wit in the case of Mr A to the more hyperbolic postings, pricking pompous bubbles, and in the case of young JP with animated GIFs carefully chosen to reduce us to helpless tears of mirth, usually accompanied by, “It’s all kicking off on Facey.”

 The worst posting excesses are reserved for dog owners who fail to clean up after their canine charges. No one can doubt how annoying it is to have footpaths so littered with dog droppings you have to trip the Light Fantastic every time you venture out. Our recreational ground, home to lively cricket and football teams (the bowls team cleverly have their green baize lawn well fenced off) is in my experience pretty clear of offending piles. However, there are eyes everywhere and woe betide you if you don’t stoop after your dog has pooped. You’ll be emblazoned on the Signpost with a description of you and your dog. Such ire is understandable as is the irritation with some dog owners who, having bagged the soft and yielding result of their pet’s alimentary system, then hang the plastic wrapped lump on the nearest convenient tree, hedge or fence.  Who on earth do they think is going to clear it up? 

 Much as I condemn such carryings on it’s a shame there’s quite so much harshness in the tone of our otherwise helpful and socially cohesive village Facebook site. Perhaps those who write in such an outraged and violent manner should stop and consider whether they would be quite so vehement if they were speaking to someone face-to- face as opposed to hiding behind their computer screens. And if you see some offending mutt you could always go out and have a quiet word with its owner, just like the old days. You may even make a new friend.