Boundary setting to avoid burnout

Your Boundaries Are Your Responsibility

Boundaries are always a hot topic when it comes to compassion fatigue. We all talk about them—how they help keep life in balance, establish a healthy work-life divide, and dictate how others treat us. But here’s the kicker: we often gloss over the most important part of the equation—our own role in creating, maintaining, and sometimes violating our boundaries.

Because my career paths in animal welfare straddle both the non-profit and for-profit sectors, I often think about boundaries in terms of the relationship between humans and non-humans (after all, we’re all animals). No matter how much we cherish non-human animals—their intelligence, their souls, their undeniable bond with us—we must acknowledge that they behave differently than humans in how they treat each other and us.

Take this for example: We know that animals rely heavily on non-verbal communication, but we don’t expect them to read our minds. When we ponder a question in our heads, we don’t assume the dog lying beside us will “just get it.” We find a way to communicate it. Yet, when it comes to people, we have an astonishing tendency to expect them to read our minds, decipher cryptic messages, and magically interpret vague language. No wonder so many misunderstandings arise!

Think about it: If you sometimes laugh when a dog jumps up on you and other times say “down,” you’re sending mixed signals, and the poor dog won’t know what’s expected. Yet, we regularly do this with our human colleagues. We say, “Sure, I’d be happy to take on that project,” when we really don’t want to—then get annoyed when the boss doesn’t notice that we’re overwhelmed.

For those of us who train animals, it’s clear that concise, consistent communication is essential. Commands are short, simple, and always mean the same thing. For instance, my ex-husband would yell “That’s enough!” when our dogs barked, which frustrated him to no end because the dogs didn’t respond. Meanwhile, I had trained them to understand “Quiet,” and they would hush immediately. It wasn’t that they were ignoring him—they just didn’t understand his inconsistent, vague command. Ironically, humans are often less trainable than non-humans!

Now, this doesn’t mean that boundaries are rigid and unchanging. They can shift, evolve, and even relax—but that requires a higher level of communication, compromise, and clarity. For example, I once agreed to take on a task for two weeks. By week four, I was more than ready to pass it on. The issue? I hadn’t reminded anyone at the end of week two or during week three. Was I within my rights to stop after a month? Absolutely! But was it realistic to expect an immediate handover without proper communication? Not really.

Here’s the tricky part: we live in a society where boundaries, especially the word “no,” have become negotiable. We don’t bargain with our pets about whether “no” means “maybe” and we don’t create safewords like “marmalade” or “red” to use in their place. With people, we now create replacement words to mean “no” because we recognize deep down that it doesn’t bear the same weight any longer. “No” has started to mean “maybe” so often that salespeople are trained to hear it as “Tell me more.” And we let this happen—we allow the door to be pushed open, then feel frustrated when we end up buying into whatever’s being sold. But who made the purchase? That’s right—we did.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, tiptoeing on the edge of compassion fatigue, or sensing you’re being taken advantage of, take a step back and ask yourself how often your “no”:

• Turns into a “yes” you later regret
• Wasn’t a true “no” but more of a “convince me”
• Becomes a compromise that benefits others but leaves you feeling worse
• Wasn’t respected by… you

If these moments are rare, your burnout or emotional stress might genuinely be due to factors outside your control. But for many of us, the hard truth is that we’re unintentionally training others to push at our boundaries. They push because they’ve learned that we don’t enforce those boundaries—or respect our own mental health enough to hold the line.

So, yes—set those boundaries. But only do so if you’re prepared to respect them yourself. Take responsibility, and don’t expect anyone but the most sensitive souls to uphold them for you. Be clear, be consistent, and most importantly, be accountable. Otherwise, you’re setting yourself—and others—up for failure.

And lastly, remember to re-evaluate your boundaries regularly. Your relationships (and your sanity) will thank you for it!

This fantastic article by Mike Pascoe is a wonderful next read on boundary setting:

https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/critical-link-between-setting-boundaries-preventing-burnout-pascoe-zq8rc/