Boundaries & Safety is an Inside Job

One of the things I'm asked most about is how I'm able to juggle my various roles. We can save for another post why I juggle so much, but for today I want to talk about a shift that I made around boundaries that let me increase my capacity for impact.

I started recognizing it was up to me to hold my boundaries, not anyone else.

It's not my employers job, my customers job, or my teams job to hold my boundaries for me. It is my job. I am in charge of managing my energy, my focus, and my time. I am in charge of saying no to things that don't work for me. I can say no to meetings that don't advance the goals I have. I can reschedule meetings to times that work for me. I can negotiate all of my agreements in ways that allow for me to keep them.

We talk a lot about creating safe environments for people in today's corporate world. I want to acknowledge that of course our employers, colleagues, and customers can create unsafe environments, especially for under-represented groups. But I do believe that we have the largest role to play in creating safety. By holding my boundaries I can create safety wherever I go, no matter what environment I found myself in.

I find that many of us outsource our boundaries and safety in our jobs. We want to never feel afraid or scared and when we do we blame our boss, colleagues, or environment. But there is a difference between feeling scared and actually being unsafe. We feel the former far more often than the latter is actually true. There is rarely the tiger in the bushes that we imagine there is.

When I started taking ownership of my boundaries and recognizing I could create safety for myself, things started shifting. I no longer felt resentment for hours worked because I didn't have anyone to blame but myself! (I also started working fewer hours and ones that aligned better to my natural rhythms.) Hard conversations felt less hard as I reminded myself that I was safe and loved regardless of how the person across the table responded. I felt more courageous and acted more kindly, towards myself and others.

Where in your life are you outsourcing your boundaries? Where are you reacting to fear by blaming your environment? What would life look like if you were to radically take responsibility for holding your boundaries and creating your safety?