Boundaries mean we're missing a trick

I’m coping with the need to be 'up' all the time when travelling around the country for work by filling a little 'down-time' with a solid Netflix binge of ‘New Amsterdam’ – a series about a free, public hospital in New York.

In an early episode aptly titled “Boundaries”, they’re swamped with overrun from other hospitals as ambulances pour in.

Lauren, the Head of the Emergency Department, is waiting with some junior Docs she doesn’t know at the Ambulance bay. She’s calm, takes charge, is blunt and in control. Pointedly she states she won’t remember anyone’s name and refers to the other Drs by their appearance, and proceeds to assign patients to them. She’s calm amid the chaos, and you think she’s simply leading in her no-nonsense way as the big-cheese of ED. There’s a massive hint in all this.

In an earlier scene, Lauren’s in the ED popping a couple of pills. She gets distracted and loses the bottle. Later she snaps about people taking her ‘Ibuprofen’. Another colleague, Casey, is running around like a madman smashing goals all hyper and having the shift of his life!

It turns out he took a couple of Lauren’s ‘Ibuprofen’ (this is entertainment so let’s not judge the level professionalism or personal practice, but I remind you the episode is titled “Boundaries” … or a lack of them ……. And again, there’s a hint in this too).

Back to the story.

Lauren tells Casey her Ibuprofen is actually Adderall (a stimulant that improves focus and reduces impulsivity) because Lauren has ADHD and has had it her whole life. She says of the medication:

“They got me through Med school, and I couldn’t do my job without them”.

Maybe so. Casey then asks:

“Why do you keep them in an Ibuprofen bottle?” Lauren doesn’t answer.

Here’s the answer:

As awareness of ADHD increases, so too are the number of confirmed diagnoses – especially as adults. It’s highly unlikely ADHD itself is on the increase; we’re just more aware of it. Yet, Adult ADHD is still viewed as if these adults behave the same way children with ADHD do (to some extent this is true, but we need to be VERY careful with the comparison). Regardless, ADHD at all ages still comes with an unkind, inhumane level of stigma, which causes fear and shame that in-turn tends to result in a deep need to hide and mask not only the symptoms but the impacts it can have each and every day.

This takes an extraordinary level of energy, emotion and often, cunning. This is made worse if undiagnosed – not knowing what’s going on with your brain, why you don’t fit, can’t act or function normally (BTW, yuck to normal) or why you struggle to complete anything most other adults do with their eyes closed is reason enough to keep yourself under wraps.

Basically, the world and the world of work is not designed with the ADHD mind ‘in mind’. This is why Lauren keeps her meds in an Ibuprofen bottle.

Do you get the travesty in that – that our societies, the way we work and what we all deem to be ‘professional’ means its more acceptable to pop painkillers willy-nilly than it is to take medication to help you cope in a world and workplace that makes you feel like you don’t fit and can’t actually cope. This is a height of Impostor Syndrome. Lauren’s a senior doctor FFS.

She feels like she has to hide her ADHD – the very aspect of herself and her character (her ‘being’) that makes her so incredibly competent, capable and courageous. Being ADHD positive is exactly that – a positive thing. It’s the systems, processes, expectations and ways the majority ‘do’ life that makes having ADHD so hard; it’s not the ADHD itself. No, the ADHD mind is a beautiful, powerful, super-computing thing.

That calmness in the midst of chaos Lauren showed at the Ambulance bay is a textbook ADHD trait – one of many. We live in constant mind chaos that is our baseline normal when everyone else is calm. When things go pear-shaped and everyone else panics, those of us with ADHD are the calm voices of reason, pragmatism and prioritised action. In essence, we stay at our baseline while everyone else’s chaos rises well above ours.

Our high-tide line becomes the low-tide mark most others wish they were at and they’re battling a King-tide …… while we’re still calmly breathing and efficiently sculling.

James Clear is over-quoted as having said in his book Atomic Habits:

“We don’t rise to the level of our goals; we fall to the level of our systems”.

The roughly 5% of us who are ADHD positive have all developed our own work-arounds to ‘hack’ the system because the societal and organisational ‘systems’ we have to operate within see us fail and fall every day. In fact, it’s the systems that are failing us. Yet, we’re a clever bunch so we do what we need to in order to cope (also, recognise that neurodivergent conditions often co-exist so we all experience and display 'what we've got' differently).

Imagine if the system operated in a way that meant we could turn that effort, energy, emotion and engagement towards things you and I agreed mattered? What if ADHDers didn’t have to worry, mask, hide, act-up, pretend? What could we do with all that extra time, energy and passion?

Remembering that Adult ADHD is under-diagnosed, and how it’s highly likely most workplaces have ADHD-positive staff among the workforce (some more than others), think about the mind-blowing potential and opportunities that exist if they didn’t have to hide their true selves and could apply the skill, savvy and cleverness inherent in all that work-around design and execution they’ve done their entire lives.

That’s some serious untapped potential. We’re missing a massive trick here people.

Have a think about your workplace and people-management processes. Do they set-up and enable everyone to truly be themselves?

Take a look here at a quick checklist revising the employee lifecycle that can help. Get in touch if you want to chat through how you can run a Neurodiversity-friendly HR systems audit.

Of course, I’ve only skimmed the surface on the ‘systems’ aspect of enabling ADHD positive staff at work. Most of the real change is cultural, and this starts with leaders being unafraid to lead difference. If you haven't already, join my Tilt Tribe of subscribers and if anything floats your boat, get in touch.

If you have ADHD or lead someone who does, consider this coaching programme.

Be good to yourself, your people and go hug an ADHDer (ask permission first, but they’ll always say yes).

Take care

Callum

About Me

In my early 40s, I was diagnosed with Dyslexia & ADHD. I knows all about the fear and shame of hiding and covering up real or perceived inadequacies; all the work-arounds and genius coping mechanisms that make neurodivergent people the super-workforce of the future. I lived this all while building a 20+ year career in HR, Leadership & Culture development. Nothing made sense but my hacks saw me promoted to Executive-level roles ..... all-the-while shitting myself it will soon come crumbling down. And, of course it did!

I regularly speaker at industry conferences across New Zealand and Australia, and facilitate high-impact workshops, train teams, and mentor professionals who are looking to reconnect people with purpose in their workplaces, wherever that is these days.

Despite my dyslexia, I'm the author of The HR Catalyst: A guide to the new practice of leading HR, published in 2019 and I contributed a chapter on harnessing neurodivergent workforces to the Amazon Bestseller What The Hell Do We Do Now? in 2020. I'm currently writing my best book yet. Stay tuned .... and be patient. It's killing me!

Contact me and my team at [email protected].

Hesitating at the thought of what might be involved? Further detail about what we offer and how we can assist you and your team can be found at:

www.callummckirdy.com