Boundaries Make Others Feel Safe Around Us: HOW TO

Have you ever worked with or crossed paths with someone who?– if they were called out in a public way, or pushed around a little?– you knew you could count on them to not only stand up for themselves, but to do so in an unaffected, relaxed way?

This person had excellent boundaries!

Real fluency in boundaries is disarming in the most powerful and peaceful way.

And IF you can think of someone like this, you’ll probably notice how rare a trait it is.

What’s going on inside this experience that draws us to them?

Want to invest in your team? Learn more here.

When someone sets boundaries that don’t set others off, it’s because they themselves are not triggered by placing the boundary.

If you let that sink in for a moment, you may notice how easy it is to say, but how difficult it is to embody.

Fact is, even people with chart-topping EQ struggle with this intangible skill, because setting firm boundaries that seldom trigger others is more advanced than EQ.

We can have the emotional intelligence to cringe if we don’t hold our own, or if we push a little too hard…

We can recognize and admire when someone else places boundaries well.

But setting boundaries requires a different level of mastery than just intelligence or awareness.

And this is because boundaries have a physical aspect to them.

Boundaries illuminate where our needs, values, desires, and limits interact with others’ needs, values, desires, and limits.

And when we’re working with the physical, it’s primal.

People’s emotions get involved.

Defenses can come up, and we can get a little protective.

That's why placing the right boundaries, at the right time, in the right way, with our own guard effectively lowered is only the result – the sum total or an effect of – all the inner work we do.

Placing and holding firm boundaries with gentleness is truly magnetic, and it's the effect of every other piece of mastery that you create on the inside of yourself.

This is why masterful boundary-setting is so rare.

Nonetheless, these are skills that can be learned, and are a product of healing done... not some special trait some have and some don’t.

We all can gain this skill by reckoning with the parts of ourselves that are bracing for kickback when setting a boundary.

This is only one of 4 outcomes of my company's flagship client engagement. It’s also one of the competencies of creative mastery that I discussed in the last couple pages of my book, The Enjoyment Gap .

If you've ever heard yourself say, "I need to protect my time and energy better," odds are good the reason was related to a boundary.

It's easy to back-burner this awareness because usually it can seem like you're the only person this is affecting. But as soon as things get heated (complex or sensitive) or a topic becomes vital to forward movement (crucial), we easily see the broader effects / costs...

The real insight is when you realize that with few exceptions, everyone on your team feels the same way.

Imagine you were the person not only developing this capability within yourself, and mastering it, but also assisting the people within your organization or company to achieve this level of ease for themselves?

This is such a force multiplier not only for performance, but also for health and whole-life satisfaction.

Like most things in life, it's not that hard to achieve, if you just know how.

My name is Mandy, and I’m a performance coach and expert in team transformation. I write this newsletter to help you understand the non-physical forces affecting your business so you can use them to your advantage.

Recognizing the underlying reasons for your team’s current levels of performance gives you full control over your collective destiny. Growth switches from arithmetic to geometric, and you become a true ally in your team members’ life success.

This newsletter can help you:

• Increase emotional capacity and empathy while staying in your strength
• Lead by example when it comes to transparency and having grace in conflict
• Strengthen your mental and energetic boundaries so you can show up for others even more
• Understand the real reasons for performance issues so you can respond and support your people better
• Cultivate the presence you desire to bring to YOUR TEAM - whatever its appearance

Check out my book, The Enjoyment Gap, at this link – available in Audible, paperback, and Kindle. Want to invest in your team? Learn more here.