Boundaries and Limitations, but not what you’re thinking…

Good afternoon!

It's a been a beautiful sunny morning here in Aberdeen, in the middle of an Easter Holiday break that has seen 4 seasons a day for many of the days. It got me thinking about allowing multiple realities to be present at one time, something I've been talking about for a few weeks now.

The Easter Holidays as a single parent, especially especially as a parent who wasn't modelled the best boundaries growing up present both a challenge and an opportunity for me to practice boundaries and explore limitations, as it's all on me. I often find myself up against feelings of guilt and frustration and falling into the comparison trap, trying to keep up with people who have a bigger support network than I do.

The holidays is a chance for me to assess what needs to be done and what can be left, but also a time where I can recognise where I need stronger boundaries so my cup doesn't reach empty from trying to do and be it all.

- What are your thoughts on boundaries and limitations?

- When you think of these words, what comes up for you?

Let me just say, forgive yourself if you find there is no answer, it feels jumbled or automatically creates discomfort or difficult emotions.

Right back at the beginning of this particular leg of my own healing an growth journey, I had recently found out what I had been experiencing had been cPTSD; after years of being diagnosed and treated for anxiety and depression and always having felt something was missing or misaligned (I’d later say that the treatment for anxiety and depression I’d often be guided to were counterproductive and I recognise that being because they are symptoms rather than the whole).

I remember a creator on Instagram doing a section on Boundaries and the feeling like the bottom just fell out of my life.

I was mired in a myriad of emotions that came with realising I had no idea of the concept of boundaries. I not only didn’t seem to have them, I didn’t understand the concept AT ALL. What hurt was not only realising I didn’t have the right boundaries to protect myself and my energy; which had meant experiencing a lot of hurt and being taken advantage of, but also that the lack of boundaries work the other way. Not having boundaries meant often encroaching on the boundaries of others.

Cue: deep shame and grief.

These were some of the things which had created and fed the cycle of being unworthy, feeling not enough.

At the same time, though, this opened up a whole world of possibility and the setting for building something completely new. I had done the best I could with what I knew and it had supported me to survive up until that point.

I had the opportunity to be grateful whilst also recognising the opportunity to choose again.

Which I did.

That was 2019.

Yesterday, I had my first appointment to set up EMDR therapy - I’ve been intending on starting this journey for a couple of years, now is the perfectly imperfect time to start.

Though I’ve been on a journey for a long time, it’s been a while since a course of therapy, once again I’m stood at the precipice ready to work through letting go of beliefs and behaviour that no longer serves me; this time through creating safety within my body.

I know it’s going to take time.

Something which could be a deterrent, for me is permission to take my time and cultivate patience; to slow down.

I couldn’t really have lead this email with “I’ve been thinking…”

I’m always thinking, which is why a huge proportion of my personal practice in wellbeing is rooted in quietening the mind, or in recognising, organising and filtering out thoughts to access the ones support me, versus the ones that don’t.

I’ve already got a multidisciplinary practise in creating safety in the body in that I have used exercise, nutrition, breath work and tapping for a long time (some of it life long) to ground myself when everything feels too much.

Which leads me to the whole point of this email.

It’s all too easy to look for the holy grail, single solution to all of your problems; to look for that muse, mentor, sign; that person that is going to hold the solution.

That person, though, is you.

You are who has got you to where you are, as far as you are and will continue to do so and you are also the person who gets to choose your destination, path and how to view it all.

If there has ever been a time where you have felt deep inside you know the answer and have been turned away or told you are wrong, can you give yourself permission to honour your knowing and seek a different avenue?

We all have limitations, all methods and professions have limitations -

Which is why multidisciplinary approaches are so powerful.

It’s not about making doctors, coaches, teachers or other people wrong.

It’s about honouring yourself and opening your world up in exploration.

Having a childlike view of the world and your experience rooted in ‘what if…’ before our adult tendency to shut it down with ‘it can’t be… because’

I’m not here to pretend it’s easy -

This isn’t a message of ‘ you just need to…. X and all be well’ - the journey of growth and expanding out of your comfort zone is not one of comfort and ease - yet it is beyond worth it.

• Can you open to the idea that you can find your path and what is right for you by being open to not knowing the answers and not knowing the path, yet?
• Is there a fizz of excitement at this idea alongside any fear and uncertainty and can you feel into what that excitement looks and feels like to you?

As I get ready to embark on my next therapy journey, she told me about the journal homework (yes, I was jazzed about this part - I?do?LOVE a journal) I see this as an excuse to create a beautiful new plain journal notebook because I have always felt more connected to my journalling when it’s in a book I enjoy meeting with each day.

I’ve just received my copies of guided morning and evening journals and they’re even more beautiful and amazing than I could have imagined. They have 8 prompts for morning and 8 for evening with small writing spaces; designed to be the perfect starter journal to develop the habit in the easiest and most enjoyable way, you can grab one?here .

If you’d prefer to get a notebook journal for free writing, you can grab one?here ?(on?Redbubble ?there are about 30 different designs you can pick from, so far).

Of course, I also have free journal prompts and courses on my?Gumroad page ?and if you subscribe you will know when and new ones go live.

Have a beautiful day,

Amanda