Boundaries..

Much has been written about the subject of "Setting Boundaries".

And with good reason - boundaries can exist anywhere in our lives. It is a short way to describe the line between what we are willing to do, or willing to endure, and what we are not willing to do or endure.

They exist for each of us.

They fail for many of us...

It Remains a Challenge

Yet, for all the discussion and acknowledgement of their importance, many still find themselves at a crossroads when it comes to effectively establishing and maintaining boundaries.

Conversations with clients, colleagues, friends, and countless online testimonies reveal a common struggle: the enforcement of these self-prescribed limits.

Why is it so challenging?

It's not WHAT we set, but HOW

There are two fundamental issues that commonly undermine the enforcement of boundaries:

Mutual Respect vs. Unilateral Expectation:

Expecting others to abide by our boundaries without their buy-in is like setting a rule in a game that only one player has agreed to. It's crucial to understand that boundaries are a two-way street; they require mutual recognition and respect.

The key to success here is communication—clear, assertive, and respectful dialogue that opens the door for others to understand and - where needed - agree to the terms you're setting.

In the video linked below I share what to consider and how to go about sharing your boundaries with others. And how to get buy-in from others with practical, sensible principles that govern the relevant interaction.

When boundaries don't work

You Lack Conviction

But then - once you have reached this point of mutual understanding, or - worst case scenario - you cannot get to a point that both feel comfortable with, then you have a decision to make.

The real test of a boundary is not setting it, but defending it.

If a boundary is vital to your well-being or values and you have done what you can to reach an agreement on practical implementation with those whom you wish to honor it, then it must be non-negotiable, and there should be clear consequences for crossing it.

This isn't about being inflexible; it's about having the self-respect to walk away from situations or relationships that don't honor agreed limits.

Unfortunately, if a boundary is repeatedly breached, it's a signal for reevaluation and, possibly, for you to change your environment to one that respects your boundaries.

Your Decision

I believe that boundary setting is not about selfishly imposing our will or unilateral beliefs on others, but forging a shared understanding that respects individual needs and is based on our core values and principles.

The true art of setting boundaries lies in identifying what we can compromise on and what must remain steadfast, ensuring we remain true to ourselves while fostering respectful, collaborative relationships.

And if, in the end, you are unable to reach a point that allows you to engage fully without sacrificing that which is important to you... then you have a decision to make.

Make a good one.

Best Wishes

Johan