Boundaries

"Many of us often find fighting oppressive systems too grand of a notion because we feel so disempowered and disrespected in our interpersonal relationships... Start building the muscle to set boundaries with people who don't see you and respect you in your intimate spaces. What is institutional/big, is only?a magnifying glass?to what is small."?-?Ashtin Berry

OOF.?This hit me last week. While trying to allow numb to outweigh frustration, I couldn't escape?responsibility. While I would love to blame "old white men" for all of my problems, as an "old white lady" I had to ask myself where I was?allowing?disrespect in my own life.?

?? Absolving the friend who?always?shows up late

?? Not asking my partner to help me keep the house clean (summer shedding is real ??)

?? Tolerating unsolicited emails from that family member whose beliefs I have made?very clear?are not the same as mine...

So I asked myself,?what small thing can I do to move towards having better boundaries this week??(When we are so exhausted by?the system, asking for something for ourselves can feel very overwhelming.) Setting boundaries always?rocks the boat, but?doing so gives you the life jacket.

Setting boundaries in our businesses has a ripple effect as well.?Who are you excusing from showing up on time, paying on time, submitting paperwork on time? Who is showing up half-ass, who is speaking to you disrespectfully??Who is underestimating your talent/value/generosity?

How?we set boundaries should also be considered. I'm trying really hard to stop chuckling when I ask for something. I do this because I've been trained by?the system?not to make anyone feel uncomfortable (because I must be likable at all costs!) But doing this waters down what I'm saying, it signals to the other person that I'm not serious about this boundary, and it's likely to be ignored.

"Hey, haha, um, if it's not too much trouble, do you think you could maybe pay that invoice I submitted last year? I mean, if you're not too busy? ????"

No, girl.?Are you going to call up your senator and say,?"Hey, LOL um would you mind if I had like maybe some control over my own body and if you don't mind, maybe some privacy in my doctor's office? TIA!"?

F*ck that.

I'm giving you permission to dip your toe into asking for what you need,?directly with intention, without having to lighten it up or water it down to protect someone's feelings or risk being labeled as less than sweet (what happened to us all deciding to be?Nasty Women?anyway?!)

I do realize?that we have to protect our energy and our spaces and this is all so nuanced...