Bouncing Back: A Simple Guide for Transforming Setbacks into Stepping Stones

Read time: 4 min.

Failures sting.

They bruise confidence, shake our plans, and make us question if we’re on the right path. When we give it our all, and things still fall apart, it’s easy to feel discouraged and doubt if we’re really cut out for the challenge.

But trust me when I tell you that setbacks, while uncomfortable, are necessary for growth. These moments remind us that progress isn’t always a straight line. The experiences we’d rather avoid can often be our most valuable teachers.

I can trace much of my success to those moments when I forced myself to KEEP GOING despite feeling overwhelmed and defeated. I learned that each time we choose to bounce back, we build confidence and practical knowledge that help us tackle our next challenge.

In this issue of Inverting Your Mindset, I’m sharing how I’ve come to see failure as a tool for growth.

My Path to Resilience

Early on, I experienced plenty of setbacks that left me doubting my abilities. One day, I’d feel on top of the world—making progress, feeling confident, and seeing clear signs of growth. The next, I’d make a mistake or hit an obstacle that felt like it completely derailed my progress.

One of the hardest moments came shortly after I arrived in Japan after learning to fly the F-16: A new country, a new squadron, and intense training demands left me feeling out of place. One night, after a near-catastrophic training flight, I sat down on my kitchen floor and started to cry. The weight of self-doubt and frustration had finally caught up to me, and I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I felt utterly exhausted and hopeless, a feeling I hadn’t experienced before.

But that moment, when I was at my lowest, became a turning point. Letting myself feel the frustration allowed me to release it. I had been hiding and suppressing any emotions I thought would be viewed as weakness, and they were slowly pulling me down. Once I allowed myself to feel all the things, I could reset and refocus.

Years later, as I transitioned into entrepreneurship and speaking, I was right back in that familiar territory of setbacks and self-doubt. After one of my first big keynotes, I realized I hadn’t connected with the audience like I could have. I had been nervous and could tell the delivery sounded rehearsed and lacked emotion. My confidence took a serious hit, and it would have been easy to dwell on what didn’t go well and let it impact future events.

But this time, I knew I had to face what went wrong and figure out why. Instead of focusing on the embarrassment, I looked at the specific factors that had held me back. Then, I used that experience to improve the next time around.

Over time, I saw that these “failures” were some of my most valuable experiences. They taught me to adapt, sharpened my focus, and pushed me to become a better pilot, a more effective leader, and a more resilient entrepreneur. Those tough moments, far from setting me back, were exactly what I needed to grow.

Transforming Setbacks into Stepping Stones

Instead of avoiding failure, I started treating it as part of the process. When setbacks happened, I focused on three steps:

1. Reflect on the Facts – When we fail, it’s easy to get lost in the emotions that come with it. I focused on specific areas to improve, refusing to let emotions take control.
2. Look for the Lesson – Every setback offers something valuable. What didn’t work? Why? By identifying these, I could make changes to avoid similar problems in the future.
3. Take Action, No Matter How Small – Moving forward is key to resilience. Even one small step toward improvement creates a sense of control and keeps you from getting stuck in a negative mindset.

How to Start Building Resilience Today

• Embrace Self-Compassion: Setbacks are part of life. Criticizing yourself can lead to self-doubt. Instead, remind yourself that everyone faces challenges, and what counts is your next move.
• Focus on Progress Over Perfection: Setbacks can shake your confidence, so remember to celebrate the small wins along the way. Give yourself credit for taking on challenges that lead to growth.
• Build a Support System: Surround yourself with people who believe in your potential and offer encouragement, especially when things get tough. A strong support network makes it easier to keep moving forward.

A Technique I Use That You Can Try

I use a timeline mentality for processing setbacks. I let myself feel the full impact of disappointment or frustration—but I draw a line for when it’s time to shift into learning and action.

Sometimes, I give myself a minute to shake it off, other times, an hour, depending on the situation. The point is to limit the time I spend in that emotional space before moving forward so that setbacks don’t get me stuck.

This approach helped me bounce back time and again, whether it was preparing for a speech, launching a new venture, or navigating everyday challenges.

Bringing It Home

Resilience is a skill that builds with each challenge, each uncomfortable situation, and each time you decide not to give up.

We don’t avoid disappointment or frustration but find ways to adapt and keep growing, using each experience to bring us closer to our goals.

We don’t control every outcome, but we control our response. Embracing resilience gives us the strength to adapt, learn, and keep growing, even when the path is challenging.

Setbacks aren’t an end—they’re the start of your next growth phase. The next time failure comes your way, use it to move forward!

Until next time,

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