Bounce, Don't Break!

2020 is over! Are you broken yet? If not, start planning your bounce. If you are feeling halved? Do not be afraid to reach for help to heal.                                                                                                                                

This short reflection is written for those who might need some light at the end of their tunnel. I’ve been quiet lately as I contemplate what could help my connections most at the turning of the year. I tell the story below to encourage. This past December marked my ten-year anniversary of learning to ask for help - my 2010 story.

On an icy December morning I ventured out to an exercise boot camp for young moms. It would be my only chance to work out that week and I was going to make it happen. I was a mom by day to 5 lively kiddos (5 months to 8 years old) and an adjunct professor by night at the community college. It was exam week and most of my time was already spoken for. Already, my grading stack was mounting. I had my last class that evening. Term papers would be collected with a 4th exam.

The fitness instructor that day promised to work us harder than ever before to prep for holiday pounds. It was hard. I was hot and sweaty, but I was doing it - each move. I was proud of myself. I had been doing this for a month and a half and was finding my groove. Then in one freak moment, I missed my step -everything turned. I was jogging backwards and had just finished a lap, lost balance, and now could barely move on the cement beneath me. My arms stretched behind my back preventing my head from hitting the floor. I had caught myself with my palms. Pain shot up from my wrists, through my arms. It felt like several bee stings, all at once, all over. Starting with the moment I tried to get up, I had to immediately recognize I was unable to do this without another. This story would repeat itself over and over the next few months as I healed from two broken elbows, a broken wrist and a sprained wrist - a typical football injury.

If I ever needed the power of others in my life, it was at then. The next few months I was forced to delegate thoughtfully. I chose close friends to help with my children for consistency and safety. Grading, I still had to do it. Masking names I had others act as a scribes while I dictated. My husband was a hero and covered much of the housework. My neighbor organized meals through our parish as well as someone to run errands and wipe our kitchen down at night. I cannot emphasize how necessarily large this effort was. I was nearly incapable of meeting any of my family’s needs other than reading to the children if someone could turn pages, and nursing the baby if someone could set her up. Likewise, I could not clean, dress, or feed myself for at least two weeks

Help came at the expense of letting go of some of my inner expectations. I had to accept different ways to do things, other than my own. Our holiday tree was fully decorated by the children that year with lots of construction paper chains and paper snowflakes - not the Victorian style tree I had always organized. This might be a joyful difference, but I promise you there were others that were more difficult. So many other things were just different, and it was ok.

I struggled interiorly through that time as it was difficult to not be useful in addition to being needy. It was critical not to isolate myself at home. I talked through this with a friend who was also a counselor.

My kids struggled too. They were frustrated with loosing mom’s capacity to cook what they enjoyed and to be there to hold them.

After the new year I started to increase my mobility. Creativity and technology allowed me to continue to teach when the spring semester started. Thankfully my boss invited me to test my abilities and continue to work. I had no benefits at the time so I would have lost all income otherwise. A friend drove me to work and a colleague drove me home.

After two months of stretchy head band hair (compliments of my oldest daughter), and no driving, casts were cut, and life very slowly went back to normal. It took a few weeks to get full strength back, and after not doing much for so long it took a while to readjust to doing it all again.

Telling this 10 years later I recall the pain and stress of those months of coping with change and disability. I also recall the strength I drew from my community that I had to reach out to and in turn reached back. I am grateful for all of those who helped us through that upside-down time. If you were one of those very kind people - thank you!

Following, I went on raising my family, my career continued to advance. My husband is still a great support with the housework, which he learned to do then. I bounced back!

I say this to encourage. If you are at a breaking point or at a growing point and you need help - It’s ok to ask for support. This can be for small things as well as in the case of larger musts. Sometimes people will not know how to help, ask another. When I called out for help that day at the gym to find a ride to the ER and coverage for my kids, I had to give 6 or 7 numbers I knew by heart before someone could be reached and was able to take me. It is tough – keep asking. Discern advice, delegate with wisdom, and accept unimportant differences. Be kind and grateful. We all fall on hard times. Asking for help can be the strength that helps you bounce rather than break!

Bones can heal, so can careers, families, friendships, and life. This cannot always be done alone. If you are online reading this now, you are not by yourself. You have a network - please put out an SOS privately, publicly, or reach out to those at your church, a family member, neighbor or a friend.

My warmest wishes for a great new year - I pray for a year of healing for those hurting and bounce for all!