Bottom Rock

She has two black eyes, but I digress. I love jazz and its playing in the background. Its a rainy Sunday morning. It's been hell of a week. Although I deal with people in crisis all the time, every now and again someone's story is hard to shake. So, I am sitting here at my computer banging out this article.

A few weeks back, I met a young lady at a meeting. Afterwards, she asked if she could speak to me. We had some idle chit chat while the meeting room thinned out. After a few minutes, we were alone. We sat back down and I asked her how I could help? She was in an abusive relationship, and she wanted to get out. I offered to place her in a safe house, but she declined. After our talk, she thanked me and went on her way. She then fell out of my radar. 

Far too many people get sucked into these type of relationships. It's starts out wonderful, but slowly things start to change. You don't realize it at first, but its happening. Your friends mention that they don't see you much anymore. {Which is normal given a new relationship.} But they see a difference in you. Over the course of weeks and months, these subtle changes are obvious to everyone but you. Everyone sees the signs but you. So they break it down for you.

The Breakdown

Your friends with great concern point out that you haven't been yourself in awhile. In a rare meeting with them, you talk about your relationship. Red flags are everywhere, but it is as though you are color blind. You start talking about how he has changed. That the tone in his voice has gone from love and appreciation, to possessive and hurtful. You let it slide because you are the rock of the foundation in your relationship. And being the bottom rock, you believe that you are strong. But your friends see the crack in the foundation, and they are pleading with you to get help.

You mention that he likes you home and doesn't want you out with your friends, because you act different. He constantly wants to see your phone, but you cannot see his. He gets angry when you "like" a friends picture on social media. He expects your entire world to be about him, but he does not return this philosophy. You slowly have been backed into a world of isolation. And that's where he wants you. It's not done out of love. It's done out of fear. Fear that you will leave him. And this is when it becomes dangerous. Because many times the mentality is that if he can't have you, no one can.  

Isolation is a means to control. 

So she is sitting in front of me with two black eyes. She is back on my radar now. She is doing an intake at one of my facilities. This could have been avoided. When your loved ones tell you that you're not the same, or this relationship has changed you, believe them. They are scared for you. Because you are color blind. Run, get help, or go to the police. Isolation is a means to control. 

You may have always been the strong one. You may always have been the bottom rock. But in this case, being the bottom rock will surely lead you to being rock bottom.