Borrowing Belief

Have you ever have someone who believed in you - like really believed in you, to the point where they believed things?about you that you wondered about?

When I?worked in professional?practice, I was lucky to work?with two?different people, at different times, in different lines of service who really believed in me.

In how they mentored me, promoted me, and communicated with me, they?demonstrated their?belief?in what I was capable of.

I - not being?at all?skilled in bringing myself to notice what I was capable (never even occurred to be that I'd want to do this),?borrowed?their?belief.

I let myself believe what they did.?Meaning, I thought if they thought I could be, say a Manager, I believed I could be.?If you'd asked me at this time, why I should be a Manager, my most sincere, honest answer, would have been....because they think I should be.

Because the?belief?wasn't my own - meaning I didn't own it independently of my seeing that other people thought me capable of it - I?had to?borrow?the?belief. And?I?paid it back with interest. Like we do?when we?borrow?anything that isn't our own to begin with.

Here's what the interest looked like:

?- working a lot of hours to prove to them that what they believed was true

?- being extremely dedicated so they had no reason to question that what they believed was true

?- saying 'yes' to everything asked of me so they wouldn't be annoyed with me under any circumstances or have a reason to question their belief in me.

This was the cost of my borrowing their belief.

Having someone who believes in us?more than we?believe in ourselcves?is a wonderful thing?when we're using their?belief?to slowly build our own?- thinking?about ourselves in a way that's unfamiliar to how most of us have learned and been conditioned to think about ourselves; bringing our own attention to our own capabilities?consistently.?

Where we?aren't building our own?belief, however - and most of us aren't actively doing this as we're in the?belief?borrowing?cycle and thinking about ourselves differently feels uncomfortable when we start?doing it - we need ongoing?validation from the holders of our?belief.?

We get that validation by doing?everything we think they?need from us in order to keep thinking about us the way we need them to think about us.?

Even when?this isn't the most efficient way of doing things,?even?when this isn't?focusing on how to add value, how to be more aligned with personal and firm values - being more effective or more efficient.

And,?even when,?this means that the way our lives look?via the hours we work, the amount of time and headspace we have?wrapped up in work even when we aren't there - isn't what we would choose for?ourselves.

After having children, I realised that the validation hungry way I worked in the early part of my career wasn't serving me and definitely wasn't going to be?sustainable for me.??

I realised that that the last thing the?mentors I'd had who saw?what I was capable of would ever have wanted to do was make me so dependent on their?approval - in need?of?borrowing?their?belief?- that I was focussed more on paying?back interest than I was on the question of how to contribute more, add more, be the best of myself at work?while?working in a way that served who I really wanted to be - at work and at home.

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I realised that until I started forming a view of what I thought of me;?what I thought of how I worked, how capable I chose to believe I was,?I would be paying interest on?belief?I'd?borrowed elsewhere.

I realised that the burden of paying interest on?borrowed?belief?is not only exhausting, it has us working under our the?level of?efficacy we're really capable of.

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Where are you?borrowing?belief?

It's ok to borrow belief and leverage what we see others see to build up how we see ourselves. This is an amazing things about working for people who belief in us and champion us. But where we're in a permanent pay-back situation, it's a sign that we're not leveraging their belief into our deepest, truest, in-our-own-bones beliefs.

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If you want to pay down the debt from?belief?borrowed, the way to do it is by building your own?belief. This requires you to see yourself differently than you have before.?

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I can help you do this.?Message me to schedule a free consultation.