Boris V Barack's Acceptance Speech: Profound V Panto?

'The nation has spoken'. But when it comes to the PM's acceptance speech - how does he measure up?

Take a look at it yourself...(though there's a whopping 4:30 intro before he actually appears - Madonna gets less!) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-MrdvSZrEE

Yes, Panto has come early. Sure, the result is a cause for celebration for the Tories, the majority of the voting nation and Boris personally. And yes, we expect his usual humour, his bumbling style and his provoking comments - but was this really the best his speechwriting team could come up with?

Yes, he has a team who writes this stuff. It might be presented as something he's just written on the back of a fag packet but this has been planned, thought about, dissected within an inch of its life. There are even rumours that his people Google obscure words just so he sounds more 'charming' and further instils his loquacious persona https://medium.com/clyde-group/how-to-talk-like-boris-johnson-84c92935ed9e

But does the insistence of being humbled and recognising that votes have been 'lent' to him by Labour supporters ring true when it's packaged up with snide mockery?

No matter what your politics (and the Speechy team are a genuinely eclectic bag) this was NOT a good speech. Celebratory - yes, vaguely amusing - questionable, inspiring & unifying - sadly not.

"And with this election, I think we've put an end to all those miserable threats of a second referendum.

"And I say respectfully, I say respectfully to our stentorian friend in the blue 12-star hat, 'That's it, time to put a sock in the megaphone and give everybody some peace'.

Boris - we all know when someone says 'I say respectively' - it's going to be bloody rude. Sure, it seems there is a growing popularity for 'edgy' politicians (even ones who use Twitter as their personal mocking-board to bully young women) but, call us old-fashioned, we prefer a bit more tact and profound thinking from our policial speeches. Not ones that include quotes like this...

"Because we politicians have squandered the last three years, three and a half years, in squabbles about Brexit - we've even been arguing about arguing, and about the tone of our arguments.

"And I will put an end to all that nonsense, and we will get Brexit done on time by the 31st of January, no ifs, no buts, no maybes.

To disparage people's concern about the nature of the debate is not only provocative, it's the equivalent of saying 'nah, nah-nah, nah-nah' and blowing a raspberry at a portion of the electorate. And that's just not cool.

Don't get us wrong, Speechy are comedy scriptwriters by trade. We're big fans of taking the piss and being bloody rude. But we know the time and the place for it.

And now is a time for politic wit and self-effacing humour (you're the winner Boris, you can do it now!) - not lines like this...

"You voted to be carbon neutral by 2050 and we will do it. You also voted to be Corbyn neutral by Christmas by the way and we'll do that too.'

Political winners are meant to pay a positive tribute to the work of other runners in the election and the hopes of their opponent's supporters (even if their numbers are less than they were). Instead, Boris seemed to be saying 'Well my gang is bigger than yours now - so there.' Where was his recognition of the SNP vote? A call for unity and a common goal?

The speech is in stark contrast to Barack's speech back in 2008 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tJ08r7tkeA

Dignified, measured, powerful and crucially, an attempt to unify the country. A positive tribute to his opponent and an inspiring speech all round.

"A little bit earlier this evening, I received an extraordinarily gracious call from Senator McCain.

"Senator McCain fought long and hard in this campaign. And he's fought even longer and harder for the country that he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine. We are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader.

"I congratulate him; I congratulate Governor (Sarah) Palin for all that they've achieved. And I look forward to working with them to renew this nation's promise in the months ahead.

He talks about the need to build consensus and the nation to unite...

"In this country, we rise or fall as one nation, as one people. Let's resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long.

"Let's remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House, a party founded on the values of self-reliance and individual liberty and national unity.

"Those are values that we all share. And while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress.

"As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, we are not enemies but friends. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection.''

He also talked lovingly about his family....

"And I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last 16 years, the rock of our family, the love of my life, the nation's next first lady Michelle Obama.

"Sasha and Malia I love you both more than you can imagine. And you have earned the new puppy that's coming with us to the new White House.

"And while she's no longer with us, I know my grandmother's watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight. I know that my debt to them is beyond measure.

"To my sister Maya, my sister Alma, all my other brothers and sisters, thank you so much for all the support that you've given me. I am grateful to them.

Who couldn't be moved by that?

So, yes, Boris has a lot to learn from Barack.

And as much as this nation loves a good panto, I think what we really needed was a bit better than what we got.