BORIS STILL GOT SPARE FRONT DOOR KEY FOR NO.10

Rishi Sunak is 'fuming' that his predecessor Boris Johnson is still in possession of a spare front door key to No.10 Downing Street and ‘just comes and goes as he bloody well pleases’.

One Downing Street source said…

“He’s like that dude you can’t ‘shake off’, who keeps inviting himself over to yours and totally rinses your beer stash”.

The ‘Randy Panda’ (as he is known by his many ex-partners, because he always eats, shoots and leaves) has also decided to assume the responsibilities that would normally be carried out by the actual Prime Minister - Rishi Sunak.

He recently turned up to a photo opportunity in Ukraine, pretending to be Winston Churchill pointing randomly at things and looking warlike to the bafflement of Sunak, and Johnson’s Uxbridge constituents.

Many believe that keeping the spare key to his old Downing Street digs, suggests that Johnson is secretly plotting to lynch the current Prime Minister Sunak after the forthcoming May Elections in response to the inevitable Tory annihilation that will likely ensue.

One insider said…

“Carrie has already put in an order with interior designer Lulu Little for some horrid wallpaper and matching blinds for No.10. We all know it’s ‘curtains’ for Rishi!”

Johnson will be hoping that the UK voters have suffered ‘collective amnesia’ as a side-effect of Covid-19, and will not remember the horrors that happened during the past three years under his erstwhile leadership. He may well garner just enough support though to get him over the line again by ‘stoking up’ his usual rhetoric amongst reliable old bigots.

Sunak has now pledged to change the locks on the famous London residence, to add to his five other ridiculous manifesto pledges.

One Downing Street aid said…

“The last straw was when he discovered Liz Truss holding a zoom meeting with cabinet members from the wardrobe of the No.10 guest bedroom".