Books ++

Personal tragedies often precipitate a generous outpouring of books and book recommendations from loved ones and sincere well-wishers. Our family’s library surged following the painful loss of our dear son Nicky in the Fall of 2018. I’ve tried to read most (but not all) of the thoughtful literary additions from such caring sources; in some cases, I’ve read the works multiple times during the past two years. A number of the suggested books set me upon a journey of sorts.

One of the first titles that I opened was “Man’s Search For Meaning” by Viktor Frankl [I can’t remember who to thank]. A true classic, Dr. Frankl’s book traces his ordeals in Nazi concentration camps. Frankl’s thoughtful prose and humanity struck a chord with me and started to provide some balance to my cloudy unsettled mind and soul. 

One of Nicky’s dear friends, John Limbaugh, got me into Wim Hof, together with his deep breathing and cold water drills. This coincided with another of my son’s friends, Jake Groesbeck, giving me “The Subtle Art About Not Giving a F*ck” by Mark Manson. A best seller, Manson’s book contains a cruder variant of some of the similar themes contained in a number of the books that would soon follow my escalating odyssey.

I have Gerald Balboa to thank for surprising me with a copy of Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth,” a seminal book that beget a path of deeper inquiry into the role of ego and living in the present moment. As I was reading this book, my daughter Alexandra [“Allie” to me] observed transformational changes in me. I’ve now read the book five times (which is not unusual once sampled) and enjoy listening to the author’s talks on YouTube. I followed this with Tolle’s earlier book “The Power of Now,” which interestingly was on Allie’s reading list for one of her business school courses at The University of Texas. 

 Knowing that I like Eckhart Tolle, Morielle Lotan gave three great follow-up suggestions: “The Untethered Soul" by Michael Singer; “When Things Fall Apart” by American Tibetan Buddhist nun Pema Chodron; and Byron Katie’s “Loving What Is” (which I’ve read twice and gifted many times to friends). 

 Of the nearly 40 books I’ve read since my son’s passing, only one was a work of fiction -- “The Brothers Karamazov” by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. Dostoyevsky is one of John Limbaugh’s favorite authors and I have tremendous respect for this young man’s depth, maturity and wisdom. Albert Einstein, Virginia Woolf, Kurt Vonnegut, Franz Kafka and Sigmund Freud, among others, are purportedly credited with being influenced by this famous novel, which highlights struggles among faith, rationality, base human craving/frailties and free will. 

Synchronicities and interconnectedness were found among books that appear on some levels to be dissimilar or highly incongruous. Such was the case with Robert Sapolsky’s “Behave” and Yuval Noah Harari’s “Sapiens” in contrast with the more spiritual titles that are cited in this article. These fascinating books are highly moralistic in spite of the authors’ positions that faith in anything outside the physical realms is a purely human construct. Sapolsky, a firm atheist, had my eyes watering reading his recount of the My Lai massacre in Vietnam. 

My life path will sound familiar to some folks: devout Catholic/Christian in childhood; descent into a spiritual void; possibly followed by some form of awakening (or not). As a child growing up in the 60s, I cherished hearing my lovely uber Catholic mother recant the implications of reforms from Vatican II and devised my own private ritual of fealty to Jesus. My period of darkness commenced in my late 20s/early 30s, spanned over two decades and ranged from lazy indifference to adamant atheist to confused agnostic. As my children were born, I felt it would be irresponsible to indoctrinate them into any system of faith; however, as they grew, Allie and Nicky ultimately found their own ways to spirituality and their rich examples became a light for me. 

Personal gratitude is warranted to many for the empathy, emotional support and reading/listening recommendations they have provided. 

Special eternal indebtedness, however, is owed to Allie, who has become both a teacher and confidant and pulled me out of spiritual apathy (or, worse, possible nihilism). While bearing her own deep grief for the loss of her beloved brother, she gently guided me to the many of titles referenced herein as well as offering other avenues for further learning or insight. 

To open the aperture wider, I’ve studied other important religions, twice reading Eknath Eswaran’s translation of “The Bhagavad Gita” (part of the Hindu scriptures from the 2nd century BC) and reading Hua-Ching Ni’s translation of “The Tao Teh Ching” (a major text for Taoist religion dating back to the 6th century BC). I’ve consumed a variety of sources (books, articles, Dharma talks on video clips and documentaries) covering various branches of Buddhism, including “The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching” by Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh (who was involved in the peaceful protest of the horrific war in his country). I’ve just completed my third reading of Thich Nhat Hanh’s beautiful wonderful book. 

One book, a gift from a very dear old friend, did not come to me over this period; it sat on my bookshelf unopened and dormant for almost 20 years. Something compelled me to finally crack open Marcus Borg’s “Meeting Jesus Again For The First Time.” Borg, a theologian who experienced his own challenges with faith, introduced me to another way to view Jesus, his life and teachings. 

The Christmas gifts to myself this year were three comparative religious books, which I now hold dear: “Jesus, Buddha, Krishna and Lao Tzu” by Richard Hopper; “Living Buddha, Living Christ” by Thich Nhat Hanh; and “Jesus and Buddha – The Parallel Sayings” by Marcus Borg. Having recently read translations of key texts/scriptures or valued discourses on these various faiths, for me, the critical shared messages of compassion, selflessness/oneness and love outweigh their differences.

While I still have much more contemplation and discovery to come, I’m sharing this article with the hope it might provide some utility for someone. Below, I’ve listed a few other titles or resources of worthy recommendation. 

With love to all.

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“The Four Agreements” - Don Miguel Ruiz. [Allie, thank you for this book imparting ancient advice from the Toltec cultures of Mesoamerica. The best selling book came out in the late 90s and has been translated into 46 languages.]

“Proof Of Heaven – A Neurosurgeon’s Journey Into The Afterlife” – Eben Alexander. [Kevin Hannon, thank you for this beautiful book, which provided nourishment this past summer, as well as for “When Breath Becomes Air” by Paul Kalanithi.]

“The Second Mountain” and “The Road To Character” – David Brooks. [Steve Vavrik, thank you for these inspirational books about character and higher callings.]

“Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind” – Shunryu Suzuki. [Jeff Sabins, thanks for this Japanese Zen book on meditation. I hope to learn more.]

“12 Rules for Life” - Jordon Peterson. [Thanks to a number of Nicky’s friends. I’ve now read Professor Peterson’s book twice. While he’s a bit of a controversial, albeit brilliant, figure, his book is chock full of sage no-nonsense advice for getting on the straight and narrow with one’s life.]

“Educated: A Memoir” – Tara Westover. [Allie, thank you for this courageous story about a young woman’s troubled exodus from her family into institutions of higher learning.]

“The Soul Of America: The Battle for Our Better Angels” – Jon Meacham. [EnCap, thank you for inviting Meacham to speak at an investor event. I choked up during the dinner as Meacham relayed how George H.W. Bush continued to tear up 60 years after his daughter died whenever he thinks about her.] 

“The Speed Of Trust” - Steven Covey. [While this book was actually given to me by David Hernandez before my son’s death, I credit this book for providing important insights and have gifted it to about 20 others.] 

And, finally, “How To Win Friends And Influence People” – Dale Carnegie. [Nicky, thank you! I recall you inquiring about and then reading this very old business classic (which Warren Buffet credits among his influences). Accordingly, last year, I thought I would follow in your footsteps and see what all the buzz is about. I downloaded an audio version and would listen to it during long late afternoon/early evening walks through our neighborhood. For some reason, the book had an almost meditative effect on me and I felt your presence on those strolls. Besides that, yes, it’s timeless in many of it’s messages/lessons/advice.] 

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YouTube videos [credit owed to many]: I love going to bed listening to talks by some of the authors mentioned above (such as Eckhart Tolle and Thich Nhat Hanh), but also Ajahn Jaysaro (an incredible British Buddhist monk teaching in Thailand tradition) and Allan Watts.