Books that Inspire Me #20 - Mentally Tough

Coaches tell their athletes that sports is a mental game.

Life is a mental game.

One of the most important aspects of how you play that game, and whether you believe that you are winning or losing in that game, is your own self-talk. How you talk to yourself – what you say when you talk to yourself.

Unfortunately, psychologists have shown that for most people, the mental default is negative self-talk. Unless you are consciously structuring the dialog between your ears, it will automatically gravitate toward becoming a negative, frightening, depressing – and yes, self-abusive – monologue.

One of the questions that I ask when I do live polling in keynote presentations has to do with negative self-talk. Seven out of ten respondents say that it is a daily struggle.

That is why it is so important for you to recognize negative self-talk for what it really is. It is not the voice of your authentic self – it’s a malignant echo of things that were said to you in the distant past.

It’s not your inner child up there trying to tear you down. It’s your inner spoiled brat.

It’s the voice of what Steven Pressfield, in his indispensable book The War of Art, calls Resistance (he capitalizes the word the way historians capitalize Black Plague and Great Depression).

If you listen to what that voice is telling you, if you do what that voice wants you to do, you will lose in the game of life.

If winning in the game of life taking night school classes, negative self-talk will try to convince you that watching Desperate Housewives is more important.

Some of the best advice I’ve heard for dealing with negative self-talk is from author Jon Gordon. He says, “talk to yourself, don’t listen to yourself.”

That is the power of making regular affirmations. Even if you don’t believe them (at least not at first), repeating the words drowns out the malignant echo of negative self-talk. And eventually the words start to sink in.

I’ve shared the seven promises (one for each day of the week) of The Self Empowerment Pledge with thousands of people. I’ve heard amazing stories of how people have acted upon these commitments to self.

People have gotten out of debt and gotten into shape by holding themselves Responsible and Accountable and by being Determined.

People have overcome personal challenges by having a positive Perspective, being Resilient, and having Faith.

People have accomplished long-delayed goals including writing a book, earning a graduate degree, asking for (and getting) a promotion at work, and more.

Don’t just take my word for it. Download The Self Empowerment Pledge PDF and print off copies. Place those copies where you will see them every day. Each day, recite that day’s promise – out loud when possible. Say the words as if you really mean them (you will probably hear the malignant echo of negative self-talk chortling “Yeah, right” – ignore it and keep saying the words).

Effectively overcoming the harmful impact of negative self-talk is one of the 21 videos included in my course on Everyday Courage for Extraordinary Times.