Books & Booze Don't Mix!!

In an earlier article, I talked about the bar gig owner who told me not to do any “think’n jokes,” but that’s not the only thing bar owners don’t like. I was doing a one-nighter in a small eastern town the Saturday night before Easter Sunday. This particular gig did not come with a hotel. See my earlier articles on some of the hotels to find out why I wasn’t disappointed. It was only four hours from my house, so I figured I could finish by 10 p.m. and head on home.??

I was coming from another one-nighter the previous night, so

I got to this gig around noon. When I walked into the bar, I noticed that much of my audience was already drinking. Great, another one of these, I thought. I had to hang out somewhere for eight hours, so I introduced myself to the owner and asked where the library was. I love libraries, especially while on the road, because they are quiet and comfortable. Well, you’d have thought I’d asked for a ride to the moon. Everyone at the bar looked at me and started laughing. Yes, laughing. The owner explained, “We’ve had comics come in and ask where the mall is or where the grocery store is, but never the library!”??

I’m guessing to these people, the library was something you were forced to visit while in school, but why on earth would you go there on your own? Well, I persisted and it took three guys to figure out the directions to the library. Great.?

I got there and it was closed. A Saturday. School’s out. No one in the town is forced to go to the library. This poor library didn’t have a chance. So I ended up at the mall, but after a couple hours of hanging out with kids who really should’ve been at a library, I decided I’d go back to the bar and read my book. I figured I better not tell ‘em that I had spent money on a book though, because that is money that could have gone for a beer. When I arrived, the same crew plus a few others were at the bar. One guy turned around and yelled, “Did ya find the library?” and everyone laughed like it was some inside joke about learning. I told them it was closed and asked for a Coke.??

The owner looked confused and blurted out,

“You don’t drink either?” Well, I could have countered with, “It’s Saturday afternoon. I have a show tonight for your audience and then a four-hour drive.” But that was too logical, so instead I said, “Ya know, normally I do, but tomorrow being Easter, I’m holding back so I can do my religious material tonight.” You could have heard a pin drop and for a minute they were terrified. Then I said that I was joking. That was the first joke of mine that they didn’t get, but unfortunately it wasn’t the last. The night was awful and I probably should have started drinking with them that afternoon. If I drank too much to drive, I could have always stumbled over to the library and broken in. No one would’ve ever noticed.?

Not all one-nighters were bad, and even in the bad ones, there were good people. I did one once in which the people were so drunk that, after the show, one really nice woman came up and apologized for her whole town. She said she had lived there her whole life and that was the first time she was embarrassed because of them. How sweet.?

Sometimes there just is no moral to the story or wisdom you can gain from it. Do the best you can, use these experiences as incentive to get better at your craft and move on!?

Jan McInnis is a Keynote Speaker, Comedian, Comedy Writer, and Master of Ceremonies. She has written for Jay Leno’s Tonight Show monologue as well as many other people, places, and groups – radio, TV, syndicated cartoon strips, and even guests on the Jerry Springer show (her parents are proud). For 20+ years she’s traveled country as a keynote speaker and comedian sharing her unique and practical tips on what business leaders can learn from comedians (no, it’s not all about telling jokes). She can be reached at www.TheWorkLady.com, or [email protected]? She’s also a GREAT Master of Ceremonies. Click here for her emcee site?

Some of the stories in this newsletter are taken from Jan’s popular book:?

Convention Comedian: Stories and Wisdom From Two Decades of Chicken Dinners and Comedy Clubs.??