Book Review 4 of 52: How To Stop Worrying And Start Living By Dale Carnegie

HOW TO STOP WORRYING AND START LIVING

Dale Carnegie

The reason I picked this one up is because, although I worry less than I used to, I’ve noticed that often what stands between me, my sense of being in my pwoer zone and my conquering my time, is WORRY!!

Part of me understands that it’s needed - to some degree.

But another part of me points out how the worries have significantly reduced since I achieved more.

For me, to remove the noise is to live freely, and Carnegie’s lessons haven’t gotten any less relevant since he penned them here in 1936. To live in today, to accept the reality that there will be bad days so that I may live my life anyway - this is How To Stop Worrying and Start Living.

PART 1 - WHAT IS WORRY?

CHAPTER 1: LIVE IN DAY-TIGHT COMPARTMENTS

21 words: “our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand!”

• Consider life like an hourglass. One grain passes through it at one point - gains come one task at a time.
• The secret of happiness is to shut all the compartments of future and past. What is one step you can take today?
• The past is an eternity, the future is also - we cannot put that burden on our head.
• “Every day is a new life for a wise man.”
• One of the most tragic things in life is that we all put off living. Dreaming of some hypothetical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are outside our window now! Why are we such fools?
• “I will do it when…” will just end up building regrets.
• “My life has been full of terrible misfortune, most of which never happened.” - French philosopher Montaigne! Put these words at a place where you see it everyday.
• To keep worry away, shut the iron-tight compartment of past and future. Write it down: Do I tend to put things off to the future? Regret the past? Do I get up in the morning determined to make the day amazing? Can I get more out of life by living in day-tight compartments? When do I do it?

CHAPTER 2: A MAGIC FORMULA FOR SOLVING WORRY SITUATIONS

• Step 1: what’s the worst that can possibly happen as a result of this failure?
• Step 2: reconcile myself to accepting it.
• Step 3: how can I improve the worst that I have already accepted mentally?
• This formula eventually helps you forget all the trouble and get to a solution. The reason is, worry just destroys our confidence in success. Our mind jumps here and there and we lose all power of decision making. Acceptance is the first step.

CHAPTER 3: WHAT WORRY MAY DO TO YOU

• People who don’t know how to fight worry will die young! Fear causes worry, worry makes you tense in the stomach, that changes the gastric juices in the stomach and that can literally cause stomach ulcers! Diabetes! Is that worth it? Emotional pain leads to physical pain - banishing worries means you get your life back! A cheerful mental attitude can defeat a disease.

PART 2: BASIC TECHNIQUES IN ANALYSING WORRY

CHAPTER 4: HOW TO ANALYSE AND SOLVE WORRY PROBLEMS

• 3 basic step of solving:

1. get the facts - not my version of someone else’s version, not the fact that justifies our worries - the actual facts in clear objective measure.
2. when I collect facts, I pretend that I am doing it for someone else.
3. I pretend that I am a lawyer and I have to represent my client!
4. I write my side of the case and others side of case!

Let us not even attempt to solve the problem till we have got the facts.

Write about it-

What am I worrying about

What can I do about it

THEN take the appropriate action.

Sometimes the reason for worry goes away!

Unless we carry out the action, everything that we talk about and think of is just wishful thinking and share waste of energy.

Once you have made a decisions don’t think. Jsut go all in.

Once a decision is made and execution is the order of the day remove all responsibilities of the outcome from you head!

CHAPTER 5: HOW TO ELIMINATE FIFTY PERCENT OF YOUR BUSINESS WORRIES

• Focus on what to do rather than what has gone wrong!
• Have your teams do this BEFORE they speak to you!

1. What’s the problem? (Concrete - get the facts)

2. Cause of the problem?

3. Possible solutions?

4. What do you suggest?

PART 3: HOW TO BREAK THE WORRY HABIT BEFORE IT BREAKS YOU

CHAPTER 6: HOW TO CROWD WORRY OUT OF YOUR MIND

• The secret of being miserable is to have so much time on your hands that everything becomes bigger! When you have a lot of time, your mind will fill it up with anything, and if trash is what it can find, trash is what it will have.
• It’s all about action - what needs your attention? get busy with that. Get absorbed in something worthwhile. So that you have “no time for worry”. It’s not easy for human beings to think of more than one thing at one time.
• “I must lose myself in action, lest I wither and despair.”
• “Without purpose, the days would end in disintegration as they always do.”

CHAPTER 7: DON’T LET THE BEETLES GET YOU DOWN

• The majority of marital issues are about really little things that they get blown out of proportion.
• Life is too short. When you start worrying about the petty things, shift your focus to the positives.

CHAPTER 8: A LAW THAT WILL OUTLAW MANY OF YOUR WORRIES

• The statistics of things that will go wrong is the law.
• Chances that things will go wrong is really low!
• The law of average remove most of the possibilities of things going really wrong
• What are the chances

CHAPTER 9: COOPERATE WITH THE INEVITABLE

• Something that has happened, something inevitable - accept it. That is the only way to take care of worries! Circumstances do not make us happy or unhappy - it’s how we react to them! So if it’s something you can’t do anything about - why bother!
• The moment you accept things, options open up - even when you considered it inevitable! It’s like Jujutsu. You absorb the impact and that allows you to win!

CHAPTER 10: PUT A ‘STOP-LOSS’ ORDER ON YOUR WORRIES

• It’s like the stock market. You put a stop-loss order on a stock to automatically sell it if it becomes less by 5%. So when things go wrong… after a certain point, you let it go, because it’s not serving you.?
• Doing it for stocks is easy. But for normal life, it means stopping things that are really hurting you, a past issue that has lived its life and is unnecessarily haunting you!
• How much does it really matter? At what point am I going to let it go? Haven’t I already paid a price that is more than it is worth?
• Don’t cry over spilt milk.

PART 4: SEVEN WAYS TO CULTIVATE A MENTAL ATTITUDE THAT WILL BRING YOU PEACE AND HAPPINESS

CHAPTER 12: EIGHT WORDS THAT CAN TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE

• What we think subconsciously makes who we are - we think all day along, so how can we be anything different? Even when things are wrong, we need to focus on what’s going right & what we have - because what we focus on, we become. We create that reality!
• The mind is its own reality - we don’t get hurt by what happens, but by our perception of what happens! So we can change the perception - the path to cheeriness is taking actions to be cheerful! Actions lead to emotions - it doesn’t have to be the other way round.

CHAPTER 13: THE HIGH COST OF GETTING EVEN

• The desire to get even is an ever-tempting feeling that will exhaust you! When we hate people, we give them power over us. You need to learn to move forward. Your love for yourself is bigger than your hate for another person.

CHAPTER 14: IF YOU DO THIS, YOU WILL NEVER WORRY ABOUT INGRATITUDE

• People will look down on you, cheat you, damage you. But that is human nature. You cannot let that interaction make you feel bad about the entire world.
• Unaware people are ungrateful people! Expect & contain instances of ingratitude so that it doesn’t say anything bigger than it needs to.

CHAPTER 15: WOULD YOU TAKE A MILLION DOLLARS FOR WHAT YOU HAVE?

• What you have is taken for granted: your body, health, current relationships. If it were to be taken from you, you’d be willing to do whatever it takes - willing to pay any amount of money. So while it’s with you, while it’s yours, appreciate it!
• Even when some of what you have is taken away, you will always have something to appreciate.
• Most people don’t learn to live till they realise that they may die one day! Losing things can make you see clearly. Are you going to wait until it’s too late?

CHAPTER 16: FIND YOURSELF AND BE YOURSELF - REMEMBER THERE IS NO ONE ELSE ON EARTH LIKE YOU

• When you compromise on who you are, the act of practising being someone else starts changing your insides, and the natural opposition of this act with the person that you are will eat you from the inside out. You lose yourself.
• You are unique. You were never anywhere else and you will never be. Be yourself. That is the best gift you can give to yourself, and to the world - people have done perfect! It’s been done! I could find someone else to do this perfectly! But I wouldn’t be able to find anyone else who could do it like you.

CHAPTER 17: IF YOU HAVE A LEMON, MAKE A LEMONADE

• Two men were in jail. One saw the mud outside the jail bars and the other saw the stars! What do you see?
• The good things will always come, but so will the bad. What can you do about it?
• Worrying about what things could have been is useless - you have what you have, and what you DO with that is what matters!
• The problems you go through are all a test! Any fool can profit from a good situation. Only great people can convert a disadvantage to amazing success!

CHAPTER 18: HOW TO CURE MELANCHOLY IN FOURTEEN DAYS

• Depression comes from the hopelessness of not feeling in control of your life or future.
• When you do things to help others, it helps to bring out deeper feelings of worthiness - be the smile on others’ face and you will find one within yourself. It also makes you think how much you have to give!
• Compliment others - this also helps you to be more aware of the little things!

PART 5: HOW TO KEEP FROM WORRYING ABOUT CRITICISM

CHAPTER 19: REMEMBER THAT NO ONE EVER KICKS A DEAD DOG

• The bigger you are, the more criticism you will get. Criticism means people feel important because they oppose you, someone whom they perceive as more important! Your success can easily attract people who are jealous.

CHAPTER 20: DO THIS - AND CRITICISM CAN’T HURT YOU

• Remember people are more concerned with themselves than with you. So when they criticise you, they’re really reflecting their ways onto you.
• You do A, some will criticise you. You do B, some will criticise you. So do what you can do! Laugh! Do your very best!

CHAPTER 21: FOOLS THING I HAVE DONE

• Mistakes are a good source of learning. Being able to criticise yourself makes it easier to receive it from others.

PART 7: SIX WAYS TO PREVENT FATIGUE AND WORRY AND KEEP YOUR ENERGY AND SPIRITS HIGH

CHAPTER 22: HOW TO ADD ONE HOUR A DAY TO YOUR WAKING LIFE

• Rest reduces fatigue, Which makes you worry less! Take a 20-30 minute snooze in the afternoon and your performance will see a massive uptake! Rest BEFORE you are tired.

CHAPTER 23: WHAT MAKES YOU TIRED - AND WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT

• Hard work seldom causes fatigue: fatigue’s biggest true reason is emotional eg. the associated pressure.
• Tension is a habit! You can make a choice! Create a conscious moment to relax. Close your eyes and tell yourself to let go in that moment - keep building those mental muscles and you’ll see that it really will make you less tired.

CHAPTER 24: HOW THE HOUSEWIFE CAN AVOID FATIGUE - AND KEEP LOOKING YOUNG

• People get ill with worry. They start looking old.
• Talking your issues out with someone, discussing your concerns, is very calming.
• Keep a notebook for the inspiration you draw from books, friends, films, whatever. Or if you’re over analogue, create a FB group with yourself and share your thoughts!

CHAPTER 25: FOUR GOOD WORKING HABITS THAT WILL HELP PREVENT FATIGUE AND WORRY

1. Declutter your working space. A tidy desk passes more productive messages to your subconscious mind!
2. Do things in order of importance. How much of your time goes into doing things that are not ultimately important? How much of it is other people’s work?
3. When you face a problem - solve it there and then only. Being decisive is a key characteristic of a successful and happy person.
4. Learn to delegate.

CHAPTER 26: HOW TO BANISH THE BOREDOM THAT PRODUCES FATIGUE, WORRY AND RESENTMENT

• Just to illustrate the power of the mind, even pretending that you’re someone who very much suits your job & prayed for it & feels highly enthusiastic about the work will put you in a position to better enjoy the time spent on it as well as appreciate the little things and remove charge from your negative gearing! So imagine if you find your thing that is not boring. Sure, all work sucks at times but find the elements that sing to you and focus on them! Be determined to make the job interesting! We don’t get tired when we do something interesting.

CHAPTER 27: HOW TO KEEP FROM WORRYING ABOUT INSOMNIA

• We spend 1/3rd of our life sleeping. Worrying about insomnia will hurt you far more than the direct effects of insomnia. In a situation like that, you use your what ifs more responsibly - you ask yourself what if my body doesn’t need as much sleep? What if I just let go and stop caring about it?
• Praying, gratitude, loosening up muscles can help… or before sleeping, so physically tiring work 2-3 hours before.

PART 7: HOW I CONQUERED WORRY

• Write your worries down - helps you see how many of them aren’t based on reality!
• Read about how things have improved in history.
• Put your troubles in perspective.
• Start to follow the direction that your life is pushing you towards.
• You have what you have - consider it God’s will or your destiny. This doesn’t mean that you think small - but accept the event to start with.
• Physical activity - a lot of it!
• Know that you always have something to go back to!
• Focus on what is good in your life. Make positive statements to yourself.
• Make yourself too busy to worry!

No one of these things is touted as a singular cure-all - they stack up over time to declutter & calm your mental space.

I know it’s often easier said than done, but to commit to doing it anyway, to sit here and think this is life and I am living it and the option to live poorly is available to me but it’s one I am committed to not taking consistently invest, over time, the mental energy that it takes to show both the world & yourself that your happiness matters to you, not just passively like everybody but enough to make it happen - this has been the underlying message running through the waters of this book.

Have a happy week.