Book Reflection ‘How to Know A Person'

I had a task to read a book from the recommended by an entrepreneur mentioned in my previous post and then write a reflection blog on it @ IDUME LifeSite by Aadil Belim. I was very excited and enthusiastic at the beginning of this task, but as time passed on, my procrastination took over. I took more than 3 months to read a single book and write my reflection on it, and in between, I learned the importance of reading consistently above the learnings from the book. Following is the link to that reflective blog of mine, which I wrote on the book 'How to Know A Person' by David Brooks:

Reading How to Know a Person by David Brooks made me rethink how I relate to others and made me aware of things I might be missing in my conversations. The first chapter, where he talks about “soul seeing,” made a big impact on me—he says knowing someone goes beyond their personality or outer traits and really involves seeing who they are at their core. This point set the stage for a central message in the book: knowing people deeply is hard work, and it takes focus and intention. Later, he dives into the idea of listening and how most of us don’t actually listen to understand—we listen to respond. He uses a story about talking with a friend in crisis to show how powerful listening can be when it’s done without offering advice or quick fixes. I realized how often I jump in with my own response or judgment without fully letting the other person’s story sink in, and it made me think about trying to slow down and let others be fully heard.

He also highlights how good questions lead to richer conversations. He talks about how standard questions like “How was your day?” don’t really invite people to open up, but questions like “What are you excited about right now?” or “What’s been on your mind lately?” give room for real thoughts. One story he shares about a dinner party shows how asking about childhood dreams sparked personal stories and laughter from everyone around the table. This section made me realize that if I want deeper connections, I need to think more about the questions I ask, because those questions can help me connect beyond the surface level.

Another part that stayed with me was about judgment. He talks about how we often bring our own judgments and assumptions into conversations, which can prevent us from seeing who the person really is. He shares a story about a friend who was struggling with addiction, and how he learned to listen without judgment, which helped his friend feel comfortable sharing more openly. This story hit home for me—I realized how important it is to put my assumptions aside and approach people with openness, especially when they’re going through hard times. He calls this humility, and it’s about admitting that we don’t know everything about another person’s experience.

He also makes a strong case for vulnerability. He explains that for genuine connection, both people need to be willing to share their real selves, including the parts they might feel insecure about. He shares a personal story about opening up to a friend about his struggles and how this deepened their friendship. This made me think about how often we try to show only the “put-together” parts of ourselves, when being open about our real feelings actually builds stronger relationships. He says that vulnerability creates trust, and I realized that I want to be more open with people I care about, because this honesty is what makes real connections possible.

Next in the book, he talks about how building close relationships takes time and patience, especially in a world where people want things fast. He shares an example of a friendship with a colleague that developed slowly over the years and became a deep, lasting bond. This reminded me that real relationships aren’t built in a day—they grow through small moments over time. For me, this part of the book was a reminder to appreciate the gradual process of getting to know someone, and to understand that strong connections require consistent effort.

Overall, How to Know a Person wasn’t just about new techniques for communication; it taught me about bigger ideas like respect, curiosity, patience, and showing up as my real self in relationships. From listening without jumping in, to asking questions that let others express themselves, to opening up honestly, he gives advice for building connections that feel meaningful. This book has encouraged me to be more intentional in my relationships, taking time to understand others as they really are rather than as I think they should be.