This book is a great gift to us all

I've always preferred reading non-fiction and more recently biographies. The recent ones I've read (highly recommend 'Neither Civil Nor Servant') made me realise that there's still so much that we can learn from others' struggles and life experiences. But when I picked up this book, honestly it was initially more due to good reviews i've heard about it rather than the topic of life and death. Afterall, i'm a thirty something young father with a supposed long life ahead. But having read through half of it, I realised that this very topic is really not that distant, and my emotional investment in the story went way deeper than I was prepared for. I'm highly recommending this book and thought I'll write a post about it.

When Breath Becomes Air in essence, is about a Neurosurgeon who was facing a terminal illness seeking the answer to 'What makes life worth living' . Paul Kalanithi, at the age of thirty-six, has almost completed a decade of neurosurgeon training. At a time when he should be celebrating the success of his career, he was diagnosed with lung cancer. The book's theme follows Paul's quest to understand the human identity and the meaning of life, from his literature/medical student days to neurosurgical training, and later from his perspectives of being a patient and a new father.

There were a few moments in this book that made me stop and reflect on my own life.

When Paul learnt about his illness, he had to decide how to live on without knowing how much time he had. He said this: "The way forward would seem obvious, if only I knew how many months or years I had left. Tell me three months, I’d spend time with family. Tell me one year, I’d write a book. Give me ten years, I’d get back to treating diseases."

The sheer clarity of what he intends to do puts me to shame. There he is, yearning to do so much but faced with a time limit. On the other hand, I'm procrastinating on multiple tasks that I want to do; what's worse, I'm often back to the drawing board asking myself what is it that I'm striving for in the longer term. Am I not being responsible enough for the time I have, or must one be thrown into a finite, count-down situation to finally learn that we should not take things for granted?

Another moment which got my thoughts whirring was when Paul's brother arrived at his bedside and said "You've accomplished so much. You know that, don't you?" Paul shared his thought then: "I sighed. He meant well, but the words rang hollow. My life has been building potential, potential that would now go unrealized."

I wondered at this point.. If I was Paul and knew that this was coming, would I have gone for a decade of neurosurgical training? Will I see all my personal development and strive thus far a waste? But I guess life's an adventure, and the uncertainty of it is probably what makes it interesting. Perhaps the journey IS what life is about, and I'll want to be remembered for the risks and strives I made (more than just the achievements). I'm sure Paul doesn't regret the life he led, in fact he should be proud of every bit of it.

One of the reasons why Paul's story hit me hard emotionally is because of his (and his wife's) courage in deciding to have a kid after the knowledge of his illness. The love he gives and receives, the pure joy that he experiences in fatherhood - it's a joy unknown to him before the birth of his child. Being a recent father of two who struggles to spend enough time with my kids, Paul's message rang loud in my ears - a reminder that's all so important about love and life.

This message was beautifully crafted in Paul's last paragraph in the book - a flawless end to Paul's story that has unknowingly taught me so many things about life, and death. I would have loved to quote this last paragraph but I won't spoil it for those who've not read it.

Thank you Paul, for this wonderful gift to us all. Your words will live on to inspire many others.

To my colleagues - feel free to borrow the book if you're interested, it's right at my desk.