A Book A Day - Weekly Digest 33

Coaching for Performance by Sir John Whitmore

??Key takeaway??

The person who started the modern performance/leadership coaching business. Emotional intelligence applied.

???Key ideas??

Principles of performance coaching. Process of building a relationship with a coachee, guiding them in their performance development journey, helping to remove internal blocks that limit potential. It's based on self-awareness, responsibility for our own actions, development. Also socially aware, responsible for relationships with others. It takes being self-aware to coach others. So you can listen, not tell.

G – Goals. Level 1, dream goals: broad, inexact wishes (the why goals). Level 2, end goals, description of the dream goal. Level 3, performance goals: specific steps to achieve an end goal (with timelines, measurable milestones). Level 4, process goals: day-to-day behaviors serving the higher goal levels. As a coach, you help them set goals for themselves as this way they take ownership for them. What does success looks like? How do you imagine the you who's achieved this outcome?

R – Reality. At this stage, it is about finding the root cause of the problem. Therefore asking descriptive, nonjudgmental questions, understanding the situation. Why questions might make people defensive. Instead: what factors impacted that decision? The answer requires thought, create a feedback loop that guides coach/coachee into exploring reality. What's you main concern? What actions have you taken so far? Also bring emotions, body behaviors.

O – Options. Brainstorm alternative courses of action. People will start with negative assumptions, reject ideas before considering them. Explore around that. Even if those are not realistic options, answers will help shift perspective. It might bring new options, or help set up goals for the future. Being creative is being vulnerable, make sure to have a safe environment (watch biases, body language, questions). Make suggestions after asking for permission.

W – Will. This is about asking What will you do? It establishes personal will as in intention and responsibility, which means a commitment. 1) Accountability set-up: ask questions about action that will be taken, outcome, timeframe to do it, obstacles, support needed. Rank commitment out of ten. How would they improve this score? 2) Follow-up, feedback loop: check-in on progress at preagreed time. No judgment on progress or not. Focus on the good and potential improvements.

Coaching in practice. 1:1 coaching, where building trust, establishing confidentiality are key. Discuss first logistics, boundaries, goals, values, 2-way expectations. Team coaching: aim to develop collective awareness, coresponsibility within team. In this setting you aim for a coaching culture. Development is a cycle, not a line, you might return to different stages of the GROW model. The focus is always on people, their development.

#ABookADay ?#readingbooks #coaching

You Coach You by Helen Tupper, Sarah Ellis

??Key takeaway??

I am trying to put myself out a job ??

???Key ideas??

The career ladder is over. Nowadays your career looks more like a squiggly country road. That comes with freedom and less predictability. Coaching is the skill of asking yourselves questions to improve self-awareness and prompt positive action. Start with a growth mindset, stop saying you can't do something, you just can't do it yet. Self-coaching 101 - Know where you are now: are you a doer, or a thinker? Do you have jumpy or focused thoughts? Then know how other people perceive you.

The words you use when talking to yourself can have a huge impact on what you do, how you feel. 3 Ps of pessimism: personal (my fault), pervasive (everything sucks), permanent (always be this way). Find personal or external examples of success, unearth and analyse them. R: recognize (one success today), record (write it), reflect (lesson to take). Imagine your future to create, write down obstacles, imagine how you overcome them. Do you see and talk to yourself through a limitless mindset? Remember to rest, do things you enjoy as it helps build resilience reserves.

It seems that the busier you are, the more valid your life seems. Work and home are now blurred, managing time is therefore crucial. Think of time as a person, describe that person (harried, efficient, disorganized?). How do you want that person to be? How did you spend your day? What is the disconnect between those two pictures? Monitor your flow chart at work, what gets you into it? You can use the monk technique (blocks of time for one task only), pomodoro (25-minute blocks, 5minute break). To-think list. Study your day to identify alertness, use chunking, batching. Find partners.

At work, you can think about three circles of relationships: confidants, counsel, connections. Who do you always run new ideas by? Who do you trust to talk freely about your job? Write the list of people, you want cheerleaders, constructive critics, differing view points, it can be outside your company. Maintain those connections. Do a 5-minute favour (LinkedIn review, send a podcast). Scale it up: lunch-and-learn, newsletter. When conflict happens, have courageous conversations, with empathy. Are you activating or avoiding conflict? Use sharing techniques for everyone to be able to speak.

It's important to set your own pace, not be trapped by traditional ways of thinking. Progression might mean doing projects in other departments, mentoring others, job swaps, etc. Progression is driven by purpose, which is a direction, not an end. Who inspires you? What are your interests? What do you want to learn? How do you want to change the world? Look at your day, what are meaningful moments? Why? How can you have more of them? How do you positively impact others? Does your purpose fits your employer's? How much of yourself do you bring to work every day?

Challenging Coaching by John Blakey, Ian Day

??Key takeaway??

An alternative take on coaching people, this one being a lot more muscular to bring peak performance.

???Key ideas??

Coaching shares a co-foundation with support-oriented counselling disciplines. Active listening, powerful questioning are two skill sets required for a coach. Its inspiration was person-centered therapy (Carl Rogers). All resources are with the client, help them find solutions. Different models based on that, like GROW.

Three core coaching principles: 1) Nondirective approach: the client has the answers to their own problems. 2) Respect the client's agenda: the client decides the topics. 3) Building rapport: strong empathy between coach, client, trust, safe space.

These principles need to be challenged. Nondirective is a myth, there is always influence from the coach, clients can get stuck. Sticking to agenda might lead to avoiding issues which are in the way. Coaches need to be able to push their confident clients to their limits. These principles can lead to collusion, irrelevance, self-obsession.

FACTS-based coaching aims to balance challenge and support as it is key to growth. It is necessary to enter the ZOUD, Zone of Uncomfortable Debate without damaging the coach/coachee relationship. Mix of challenge, respect, empathetic growth focus.

Feedback is feared by coaches because 1) it might be seen as judgmental. 2) not confidence in doing it well. 3) not having the client's permission. But it is essential to discover blind spots, no go areas (usually ignored), and preventing bad decisions (too many yes-people). Make feedback about behavior, not the person, use a clear process, just ask if you may do it.

Accountability of business leaders is very much asked by the public. Coaches can hold coaches on personal and corporate level. Also reminding the client of the organization mission's statement, values, social responsibility agenda.

Courageous Goals are crucial for thriving. Traditional goal setting (SMART, PRISM) aims for rational, realistic goals. That inhibits transformation on a large scale, leap of faith. In a fast changing world, it's essential for organizations, individuals to be flexible, courageous, tackle the unknown.

Tension is key for optimal performance. Traditional coaching focuses on reducing stress. But we have an optimal level between anxiety and comfort that brings flow, peak performance. Athletes need adrenaline. The tension has to be calibrated to the client, then the coach has to push.

System Thinking helps prevent individual from bringing down entire companies. Like Nick Leeson with Barings Bank. A FACTS coach asks questions about wider implications of the clients actions. It is about intelligent growth, not moralizing.

How Women Rise - Sally Helgesen with Marshall Goldsmith

??Key takeaway??

Going through the key internal and external blockers that might prevent women from rising. And key insights on how women can overcome them.

???Key ideas??

Women Struggle to claim their own accomplishments. The younger women struggled with the word I, accepting achievements coming from them, taking credit. Men tends to distrust women who are self-deprecating - inauthentic. Can be dangerous for a management position and not promoting her team enough.

Women are taught to please, but it is harming their career. Disease to please, from a young age girls are more likely to be rewarded for being pleasant. Businesses tend to have roles were women are there to support or help others. Unable to say no to tasks that will not bring anything to them and others. Be direct and decisive.

A woman's habit of developing expertise can hinder her chances of promotion. Need to go above and beyond in a specific field. This might be linked to proving that they are worthy (as environment might put more pressure on them). Workplace relationships might suffer from that for example and other skills needed for promotion. Expert = indispensable.

Women undermine their own authority by minimizing themselves. Example of making themselves smaller around a table when new. More sentences that suggest uncertainty come to woman. This undermines communicating power and authority. In turn this makes people think that women are not committed. Take up space and say what you mean fully.

The female tendency to ruminate leads to depression and inaction. Ruminating is routinely done by women. Men tend to blame others and use anger. Women blame themselves for mistakes and that becomes rumination. Which leads to bad psychological consequences: depression, drains mental energy to finding solutions. Stop blaming yourself and let go of the past.

Society promotes a habit of perfectionism in women. It is unachievable and it is particularly a female problem. Obedience and academic achievement are the ways women are praised. Mischievous behaviour is not rewarded. Hence female quest for perfection. Men are rewarded at senior levels for a willingness to take risks, in contrast women are rewarded for precision and accuracy. Taking risks is necessary to get to the CEO level, so perfectionism needs to be dropped

#womenrise

How Will You Measure Your Life by Clayton M. Christensen, James Allworth and Karen Dillon

??Key takeaway??

Some profound words of wisdom about how to live a meaningful life from the late Clayton Christensen.

???Key ideas??

Motivation trumps money when it comes to job satisfaction. Tangible aspect of your job are not the things that will make you happy. Unhealthy approach to use of incentives in the workplace still prevails: the more you are paid, the better you perform. Satisfaction comes with work that matches your needs and interest: Hygiene factors: general conditions at work, job security, company policies. Motivation factors: recognition, responsibility, challenges, personal growth.

A good career combines using opportunities we anticipate as well as those we don't. Career strategy: deliberate and emergent. Anticipated opportunities: we recognize them and pursue them, deliberate strategies are often built on this. Emergent strategy: something that comes sideways. Example of Honda in the 60s in US, not successful with large motorbikes (deliberate), but successful with small motorbikes originally reserved for employees. Balance needed between deliberate and emergent - can use any opportunity.

Your life is your business. To run it well, you need to properly manage your resources. What is important to us (businesses): family bonds, rewarding friendships, physical health. Resources we use for those: personal time, energy, skills and wealth. We have to manage resources according to our goals (multiple, not only career). Easy to fall into prioritizing immediate rewards over long-term gains. Always keep in mind what is most important in your life.

The relationships with your family and friends are the most important sources of happiness. Relationships need consistent attention and care even when it does not appear necessary. Postponing relationships does not work, as the impact is right now and you cannot catch up (particularly with time with children).

Intuition and empathy help us do the job of making our loved ones happy. Whether your family or your business, your real job is to understand and fulfil the needs of others. Intuition can be on mark or off mark, we learn from the feedback we receive. What job my family, friend or partner need me to do the most? Loyalty comes with that.

Raise your kids right: let them learn from their mistakes and celebrate their good behavior. Introduce children to everyday problems early on, so they can struggle and fail. Then provide support at the time. Healthy family culture: based on family values. Program those values with discussions and supporting the right behaviors. Compromising your integrity can create a slippery slope, so don't do it. Trap of marginal thinking: Blockbuster refusing to match Netflix innovations. "Just this once" thinking that gets us down a dark morale route.

#purpose #meaning