A Book A Day - Weekly Digest 24

I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was by?Barbara Sher , Barbara Smith

??Key takeaway??

It's all in the title. All the little obstacles that prevent us from knowing what we want from life, you can learn to see and overcome them.

???Key ideas??

Three big themes usually keep people from knowing what they want.

1) Other people's expectations. Stories from parents, family, friends, peers (you'll be a doctor). That creates noise and you need to find your own voice. Make a list of everyone who matter in your life, their opinions, consider your choices based on those opinions, did they make you happy?

2) Not acting. Try something to know if you like it or not. Try new things, as it raises confidence. Lucky things happen if you open the door to them. Go with your gut, it trains you to fine tune your instincts.

3) Hidden resistance. Unique to you. List every aspect of your ideal job (or do the reverse with worst job, then inverse). Imagine doing that job, do you feel uneasy? Why? Those messages are your hidden resistance.

Take a leap in a small way, as a test, you'll see if you like it. People have different needs for security, mostly rooted in a fear developed earlier in life (fearful parent, unstable home life, rigidly stable). No shame, it is just important to know. Based on that, craft a strategy that works for you. If you worry about time, give up one task you do for others that you replace with something you love. Create time and space to take action.

You might be highly successful from an external perspective, with money, family, recognition, expertise. But you are not happy at all. And you fear giving it all up (how to live? what will people think?). 5 reasons: you did not choose your job, your work consumes your whole life, toxic work environment, disappointing work, dissatisfaction after winning. Consider what success means to you, how do you redefine it? Check your feelings, visible, repressed. Write all your emotions in a journal, for release. Find a way to save toward what your life is going to be. Saving will buy you time.

Use major transitions and loss to find new purpose. You might have known what you wanted, but not anymore. It can be a major life transition happening, a life event that leaves you back to square one. Think back to your earliest memory of something you like to do. Work you way up by five year increments. Look at that list for common themes. If dealing with serious loss, process your feelings first, writing about what you loved before the loss. Later, use that essay to look for touchstones for setting new goals. Keep only three items, connect the dots between them. You still have choices amid grief.

#ABookADay ?#readingbooks ?#goalsetting ?#lifechoices

The Power of Regret by?Daniel Pink

??Key takeaway??

Unproductive regret paralyses you, productive regret is a catalyst for action. Invest in regret, you won't regret it.

???Key ideas??

Alfred Nobel got his obituary printed in newspapers by mistake, while still alive. They described him as the merchant of death for inventing dynamite, and money-hungry, his death was a good thing. He was shocked and felt regret when he rea this. He confronted regret, transformed it into something useful. Eight years later, he really died, but people then celebrated his life, because he bequeathed 94% of his fortune for the creation of the Nobel prizes for people conferring the "greatest benefit to mankind"in physics, chemistry, medicine, literature, peace. Regret was his catalyst for change.

Americans are more likely to feel regret than to floss their teeth. 1% say they never look back, 82% say regret is an occasional part of their life, 43% say they engage in it frequently or all the time. Humans are time-travelling storytellers. We revisit the past and invent alternative narratives (counterfactual thinking). We imagine how things could have gone, but we cannot know for sure, so we obsess about it. Nobel did not focus on what he could have done differently, he focused on action in the present not to have future regrets.

We live in a "no regret" era, where the emotion is swept under the carpet. This is wrong, negative emotions are essential to our growth. It's like the modern portfolio theory for investments: don't put all your emotional eggs in one basket. Our positive emotions (love, joy, awe) should outnumber our negative emotions (sad, fear, regret) in our portfolio. But the latter matter. Fear shields us from threat, disgust prevents us from consuming toxic substances, regret help us grow and achieve our full potential. No regret = no growth.

Three steps to invest in regret. 1) Undo it. For example, you say something you regret to someone, apologize. 2) At least it. You regret doing medical school, but at least you met your wife there (big positive). You mind actually find yourself grateful for those year in medical school. Bring a new perspective to your regrets. 3) Analyze and strategize. What lessons can I learn from my regret?

Abby Henderson resented her grandparents when she was a child and therefore did not connect to them, learn their stories. Now that they passed away, she never will. She is not beating herself up about it, she decided to improve future outcomes with her father. Through StoryWorth, she collects weekly stories of his childhood, at the end of the year the stories are compiled into a hardcover book. Her regret revealed what is mot precious in her life, and prevented her from taking the same path again.

#regret

Great by Choice by Jim Collins,?Morten Hansen

??Key takeaway??

In many ways, this book is about making the best out of your circumstances, whatever they are. That's what makes truly formidable companies 10Xers.

???Key ideas??

The future is unknown. Some company thrive in this uncertainty, achieving 10X performance compared to the average in their industry. Three core behaviors: 1) Fanatic discipline: consistency in action once you have a goal and methods. 2) Empirical creativity: evidence to know when and where to innovate. 3) Productive Paranoia: fearful for what might go wrong, hyper-vigilant, prepare for the worse.

10X companies identify the marker by which success will be measured (growth %, innovations, etc.). Then they drive themselves to reach this target consistently, through good and bad times. Don't push too hard (destroy robustness), or not enough.

10Xers are bold and innovative, but only when the evidence supports such a tactic. Firing first bullets, then cannonballs: test the market with many low-risk/cost innovations, see what works, put full force on one innovation. Apple with iPod, then ITunes for Mac, then for non-Mac.

Every industry has an innovation threshold: level under which a company is left behind. IT has a high threshold, airlines a low one. Above the threshold it brings little advantage to invest a lot more. Because it brings imbalance with manufacturing, marketing, accounting, etc. Innovation + discipline.

Productive paranoia: 10Xers fear the and obsessively prepare for it. Hoarding huge reserves of cash (cash to assets 3 to 10x higher than competitors). Watching new potential rivals, legislation, changing financial conditions. They identify defining situations on the horizon, and take advantage of them. Southwest Airlines profitability and growth after 9/11.

10X companies create durable and specific operating procedures which breed consistency and success. Procedures which are specific, methodical, consistent. Those are based on empirical evidence. 10Xers have consistency to follow the procedures. Southwest Airlines with their commandments after the US airline industry deregulation.

Neither luck nor circumstance make 10X companies great – hard work and ambition do. They receive the same amount of luck as others. It's about getting the best return on their luck. Bill Gates was lucky to have private education, access to computers at college, and read a specific issue of Popular Electronics inspiring him to launch his first product. Others had the same luck, he acted and put the work into it.

#choice ?#greatness

Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman

??Key takeaway??

A seminal book, explaining that Emotional intelligence (EI) enables us to manage our emotions and leverage them to reach our goals. For that we need to be comfortable recognizing/naming them while getting to their root cause. I still have a long way to go on that front.

???Key ideas??

Emotions are important, they help us lean new things, understand others and push us to take action. Brain store experiences with emotions so we can learn from them. Emotions help us interpret the feelings of others so we can predict them. Without emotions there is no drive to act

Sometimes our emotions can impede our judgement or make us act irrationally. Heightened emotions over-power any rational thought, we overreact, we act suddenly. Our mind reacts to situations now based on past, obsolete emotions.

EI is the capacity that helps you navigate the social world. It helps you put yourself in other people's shoes, discover their emotions through nonverbal clues. Enables you to behave in ways which evoke favorable reactions from others

EI requires a balance between the emotional feeling brain and the rational thinking brain which are linked. Emotional self-regulation: our thinking brain regulates the overdrive from our feeling brain. For example with a sudden loud noise.

EI makes you healthier and more successful. Students with high levels of empathy get better marks. Stress can cause significant health problems, EI can lower our stress level.

The future of American society will depend on its children's emotional intelligence. Deficit in EI can cause delinquency. Children who grow up with EI parents will have it too later. Children with deficit in EI tend to have more problems at school.

There are several ways to boost your emotional intelligence. Use inner dialogues: ask yourself why you are hurt by someone who did that. Then reframe with more positive reasons. Mirror another person's body language. Motivate yourself: people who convince themselves that failures are due to something they can change, don't give up.

You can use EI in all kinds of setting, from the office to your love life. Take into account the different ways that men and women deal with emotions. A woman might complain about a problem so it is validated, while a man might try to solve the problem. Strong emotions distort our thinking, use a rest period. If you criticize someone, be specific and offer a solution.

#emotionalintelligence #eq

Multipliers by Liz Wiseman

??Key takeaway??

There are two types of leaders: those who diminish the strengths of their team and those who multiply them. Diminishers: leaders that sap intelligence and energy out of their employees, focused on their benefit, stifle ideas, bring feelings of unfulfillment and inferiority. Employees working for them report a level of effort of 20% to 50%. Multipliers: multiply the results of a team. Example of Magic Johnson who used his skills for everyone on his team to shine

???Key ideas??

Talent magnets excel at bringing teams together and maximizing their talents. Look everywhere for talent: if someone is skilled, they are valuable. Ascertain an individual's instinctive skill. Engage that skill where it is best suited. Remove the obstacles that stand in the way of your team performing at maximum effectiveness. Do it with your team: 1) let them and the team know what they are smart about, 2) put teammates in positions where they shine, 3) let them go so they can continue to grow elsewhere

Tyrants create a stifling tension, while the liberator creates an intense but inspiring workplace. Three key practices to be a liberator: 1) give people room to work (trust), 2) always ask for the team's best work, 3) make sure your team knows they can make mistake as long as they learn from them.

The Challenger pushes their team to new limits without barking orders. Avoid telling someone where to go and what to do, just point them in a specific direction. Help your team define challenges so they set appropriate goals. Inspire belief in the possibility of reaching goals (positive attitude)

The Debate Maker makes room for open and inclusive decision making. Carefully prepare the issues to be debated so they can be clearly presented. Spark an engaging and thorough debate with multiplicity of voices and opinions. Make sure that a strong decision is reached at the end. The leader should only asks questions and never give answers, every answer must be supported by evidence, every participant must give answers.

Diminishers micromanage people, while the Investor empowers them with ownership and resources. Clearly define the ownership stake your team members have (>51% for the team). Make sure those with responsibilities have the resources they need to succeed. Ensure that they are held accountable

Even well-meaning bosses can be accidentally diminishing, so awareness is key. Ask for regular feedback from a trusted source.

There are defensive practices for anyone dealing with a Diminisher boss. Regroup and figure out what the problem is and how you might make a suggestion. Micromanagement: find a soft way to remind your boss you are qualified for your work. Be your own multiplier and practice on your boss. Co-opt your boss into your work, while setting boundaries on how they contribute.

There are quick practices to transform yourself and your workplace into a Multiplier. Realize that you need to change, then take steps. Focus on one weakness to neutralize and one skill to maximize. Share your efforts to change with employees/coworkers.

#multipliers #leadership