Book Byte #55 "Never Split the Difference" by Chris Voss

Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It

?? Curious Quotes from the Author

“Research shows that the best way to deal with negativity is to observe it, without reaction and without judgment. Then consciously label each negative feeling and replace it with positive, compassionate, and solution-based thoughts.”

“The goal is to identify what your counterparts actually need (monetarily, emotionally, or otherwise) and get them feeling safe enough to talk and talk and talk some more about what they want.”

“To get real leverage, you have to persuade them that they have something concrete to lose if the deal falls through.”

“Going too fast is one of the mistakes all negotiators are prone to making.”

“He who has learned to disagree without being disagreeable has discovered the most valuable secret of negotiation.”

“Conflict brings out truth, creativity, and resolution.”

“Negotiate in their world. Persuasion is not about how bright or smooth or forceful you are. It’s about the other party convincing themselves that the solution you want is their own idea. So don’t beat them with logic or brute force. Ask them questions that open paths to your goals. It’s not about you.”

“If you approach a negotiation thinking the other guy thinks like you, you are wrong. That's not empathy, that's a projection.”

“The beauty of empathy is that it doesn’t demand that you agree with the other person’s ideas”

“Hope is not a strategy”

“Negotiation is not an act of battle; it’s a process of discovery. The goal is to uncover as much information as possible.

“Another simple rule is, when you are verbally assaulted, do not counterattack. Instead, disarm your counterpart by asking a calibrated question.”

“Mirrors work magic. Repeat the last three words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone has just said. We fear what’s different and are drawn to what’s similar. Mirroring is the art of insinuating similarity, which facilitates bonding. Use mirrors to encourage the other side to empathize and bond with you, keep people talking, buy your side time to regroup, and encourage your counterparts to reveal their strategy.”

“Research shows that the best way to deal with negativity is to observe it, without reaction and without judgment. Then consciously label each negative feeling and replace it with positive, compassionate, and solution-based thoughts.”

“Psychotherapy research shows that when individuals feel listened to, they tend to listen to themselves more carefully and to openly evaluate and clarify their own thoughts and feelings.”

“This is listening as a martial art, balancing the subtle behaviors of emotional intelligence and the assertive skills of influence, to gain access to the mind of another person. Contrary to popular opinion, listening is not a passive activity. It is the most active thing you can do. Once”

“The fastest and most efficient means of establishing a quick working relationship is to acknowledge the negative and diffuse it.”

“The positive/playful voice: Should be your default voice. It’s the voice of an easygoing, good-natured person. Your attitude is light and encouraging. The key here is to relax and smile while you’re talking.”

“Though the intensity may differ from person to person, you can be sure that everyone you meet is driven by two primal urges: the need to feel safe and secure, and the need to feel in control. If you satisfy those drives, you’re in the door.”

?? Cognition of the Book’s Big Idea:

You can productively negotiate your way through life by developing psychological awareness and using simple strategies such as active listening and saying "no." Remember that people want to be understood and trusted. Negotiations are all unique; it's critical to hone your skills and keep them on hand so you're ready for everything. And if you discover a black swan, use it carefully!

???Fixing the Tech Industry

Negotiation is not a thing most Tech Pros care about. We tend to like fixing things, not forcing things. But negotiation is an in-demand skill that most of us never practice. We prefer to negotiate with programs and machines because we know exactly how they think, we can make them sing. But people are way more messy, and negotiating with them tends to always not go in our favor and we hated the engagement. But we need to negotiate our salaries, we need to be more at the forefront of negotiating getting interviews for better jobs, and we even have to negotiate to get more girls to go out with us. Life is negotiation, so ignore this skill at your peril.

??Collaborate with others with this Social Media Prompt:

Was there ever a time when you felt you got shafted in a negotiation? What would you have done differently in that situation if you could do it over?

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