Book 4- A New Hope

Book 4- A New Hope

Grim Noir. I’m sitting at my desk. Minding my own business. That’s what I do until a case shows up. Mind my business and don’t do nothing to no one. When a case shows up, then I mind someone else’s business. Do things to other folks. That’s my job. Minding other people’s business. The pay is okay, and I get to meet interesting people. Sometimes I even kill those interesting people I just mentioned. Or they try to kill me. It all depends on what my current case is. And what mood I’m in. I’m Grim Noir. Private detective and problem solver. And I have a way with females, but that should go without saying.

But I say it a lot anyway.

Speaking of problems, I didn’t have one at the moment. That’s why I was sitting. Sitting in my shop, minding my own business. Then she walked in.

Door opened for her like it did for everyone else. She got my attention right away. She was tall. Tall as the day is long in summer. And just about as hot.

I leaned back in my chair. “Come on in.” Normally for a lady, I’d stand up. But ladies didn’t get into the kind of trouble that had them coming to me for help. This was a broad, plain and simple... Well, maybe not plain, but a broad nonetheless. I pointed at the chair. “Take a load off.”

She raised an eyebrow. It made it almost to the ceiling. Like I said; she was tall. And large. Like the great expanses of the outdoors. I’d love to take a day exploring those great outdoors. But that would have to wait. I smelled a job. The broad was still standing. “Sit down and take a load off your fifty four double Eff’s.” She raised the other eyebrow. It made it almost as high as the first. “So what’s your name, doll?”

The doll brought her eyebrows down as she sat. It was a package deal. A large package with all the bulges in the right places.?

“You know I’m Julie, right?”

Sure I did. Knowing was my business. Dames. “So tell me what’s troubling you.” I crossed my legs to keep things professional. I’m always a professional. “And I’ll see what I can do about it.”

“I worry about you sometimes, Grimbledung,” the broad said.

“I worry about me sometimes too. But that’s part of the territory. So what’s the trouble you need fixed, doll?”

“Julie.”

First names? Things were moving along nicely. “So what’s the trouble you need fixed, Julie?” I eyed her up one side, across the top, and down the other. It was so far, my eyes were tired when I got done.?

The doll let out a long breath. A real long breath. I wasn’t surprised with how much air it looked like that chest could hold. Pleased was more like it.

“Well, you see, we’ve been having an issue with thievery at the school...”

“School age antics. I remember when I was a youthful Gnome of...” I began.?

The doll cut me off: “No, this is much more than the occasional pilfering. I have almost ten wands a week disappearing and with a student body of only two hundred fifty, that’s significant.”?

She raised her eyebrows at me. Again. She was spouting off all sorts of numbers that I really didn’t understand. A sword at my side and my trusty wand. Those I could understand. I used to have a really nice helmet, but I lost it. Long story. Maybe you’ve heard it. The dame was still talking. Dames. Now it was my turn to interrupt. “What about the law. That’s what he’s paid for.” I knew she wanted me to have the job and I knew I’d get it. I was just going to make her work for it.

“Yes. But I’m trying to keep this quiet. If parents hear that there are troubles at the school that could cause problems.”

“Well, stopping problems is what I do best,” I lied. Starting problems. That’s what I was real good at. It was a gift really. And I embraced it. “And I’m sure I can get to the bottom of your...” Now it was my turn to give my eyebrows a workout. “Problem.”

“So what is your plan for solving my problem?” The doll asked me.