The Bond of Shared Struggles: How Our Challenges Unite Us

Be the first to share and watch what happens.

Why Do Our Struggles Unite?Us?

It’s a curious thing. We spend so much time striving to put our best foot forward, curating our “perfect lives” on social media and resumes to showcase an endless highlight reel. Yet, it’s not our triumphs, victories, or possessions that bring us closer, it’s the moments of uncertainty, fear of failure, and the sting of rejection that resonate most deeply with others.

Why is that?

Because these are the universal principles of our shared humanity.

Every person you meet carries within them a history of struggle?—?be it with self-doubt, loss, abuse, mental illness, or the pursuit of something deeply yearned for but hard to attain. Their experiences are different than your own. So when we open up about these experiences, we offer each other a gift, the realization that no one should be alone in their fight.

Consider the last time you heard a story of someone overcoming adversity.

• Was it their success alone that moved you, or the setbacks and the perseverance that stirred something within you?
• Why did their story tug at your heart the way that it did?

I invite you to explore these questions deeply.

These stories of resilience are compelling because of their relatable, familiar, muddy path of obstacles, doubts, and eventual glorious triumph.

When talking about this topic, it’s hard not to get emotional. I often think about my wife who was hospitalized on multiple occasions due to the complications of mental illness. It overtook her mind. During the pandemic, amidst the struggle of a shared world experience, our little family was fighting an intense, all-consuming battle. Suicide and the terrible monster of mental illness sought to steal my wife away from us.

Thankfully, she’s still with us today. She fought hard to win. She talked. I talked. And through sharing her struggles openly and communicating with loving friends, family, and neighbors, she pulled through. We created a shared bond by opening up during our most difficult time. Dozens of friends and neighbors finally felt safe talking about similar struggles.

I’ll link the article here if you’re interested to read how we pulled through that hell.

Sharing Our Stories Builds?Bridges

We find our strongest connections in meaningful moments when someone spends their time with us. The tears shared over lunch, the words of encouragement in response to a confession of fear…These shared experiences create tight bonds that are incredibly difficult to break. Bridges form when we knock down these barriers of isolation.

I’m not just referring to feeling for someone in their time of need. It’s more about truly understanding, taking the time to listen, and connecting with them in a way that transcends the surface-level interactions of daily life.

We want to be seen, even if it’s in all our flawed, striving versions of being human in an imperfect world.

There’s science behind this, too.

Neuroscientific research has shown that our brains are wired to respond to the emotions of others, creating feelings of sympathy and empathy. When we share our struggles, we tap into this innate capability, prompting a deep emotional response that can lead to a profound sense of solidarity and unwavering support.

“Empathy is the foundation of better support for people.”?—?Indi Young,?Source

Integrating insights from Dr. Tania Singer and Olga M. Klimecki’s study , they uncover how our brains naturally tune into others’ emotions. Their findings reveal the brain’s role in empathy. This connection is key to understanding and sharing feelings, showing that our brains are built to support the deep ties that bind us in understanding and compassion.

Through this lens, we see that empathy isn’t just an emotional response but a built-in feature of our neural makeup that develops connections. It reminds us we’re all strung together in this shared human experience and do better collectively when we build these connective bridges.

Creating Spaces for?Sharing

How might we create environments where people feel safe to share their struggles? It starts with vulnerability. It requires courage to be the first to speak your truth and admit to your doubts, fears , and failures. Do this and you open the door for others to do the same.

Be the first.

Take that leap of courage.

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” — Brené Brown

Creating these courageous spaces with your family, friend groups, workplaces, or online communities encourages a welcoming space of openness and psychological safety. But someone has to take action, trust deeply, and be the first to share.

Be the first.

Create an environment where people feel empowered to share their stories with you, knowing they will be met with understanding, and compassion….not harsh judgment or criticism. Your story helps orient us toward each other.

An undeniable strength comes from the communal acknowledgment of our battles.

This space you create results in a strength that doesn’t just help you to endure but enables you to grow, learn, and, most importantly, help others do the same. By sharing your struggles, you will find solace and support, and be more equipped to offer it. You become a part of a collective life experience of overcoming and one that is richer and more meaningful because it is shared.

It’s no small thing to recognize that you could save someone’s life, possibly your own when you share. Our scars are proof that healing is possible.

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” — Leo Buscaglia

Begin to share and you will discover this paradoxical truth: it is through our vulnerabilities that we find our strongest connections and closest allies. Our challenges, when shared, become less of a burden and more of a bridge, uniting us in our common humanity.

The next time you face a challenge, remember that your struggle does not isolate you. It connects you to a network of human experiences, offering support and the opportunity to support others.

Be the first to share.

In sharing your story, you remind us that although our battles may be fought on individual fronts if we choose, we work better and heal more fully when we do this together.

This article was originally published on Medium.com