The Bollywood Slap

Last weekt, I watched Bad Seeds. It's a French film with generous helpings of Arabic culture. And shades of Bollywood. And so, more than once, I expected the Bollywood Slap.

Bad Seeds is delightful. Catherine Deneuve is brilliant. Yes, she's still alive. And can still act. And still looks beautiful. Well, beautiful in a nostalgic sort of way. If you know what I mean  She is, after all, no I dare not say. Suffice it to say, she was smoking hot in her prime. And she, kinda, still is. After all these years. Bad Seeds was released in 2018. It's streaming on Netflix. It stars Catherine Deneuve and Kheiron. Kheiron is a French comedian of Iranian descent. He is handsome and possesses oodles of savoir faire. He brings bags of charm to a lovable role. The support cast is also on point. The film is time well spent. Thankfully, it doesn't have a single Bollywood Slap.

Very few films in the world permit the Bollywood Slap. In fact, on the face of it, few do. Only in Bollywood have I seen fathers slap grown daughters. Mothers slap grown sons. Fathers slap grown sons. Mothers slap grown daughters. Mothers slap daughters in law. Husbands slap wives. Boyfriends slap girlfriends. Men slap women. In Indian films, I've seen all and sundry slap women. If emotions are running high, a Bollywood Slap is imminent. Funnily enough, Bollywood rarely allows the Butt Slap. Ah, but it does revel in the Navel Slap. I'm not suggesting they should allow the Butt Slap. Just that the Bollywood Slap is the most egregious slap. And also the most brandished. I find that hard to stomach. Yes, even harder than I find the Navel Slap. Or the Butt Slap. Because the Bollywood Slap encourages violence against women. The other two only objectify women.

The censors in India can be quite draconian. And ridiculous - draconian usually is. The censors are certainly puritanical. And quick to ask for cuts in movies. Yes, the censors in India are very vigilant. But they don't seem to have any problem with the Bollywood Slap. This is troubling. It means violence against humans is not frowned upon by them. And in India. Kissing another human being is frowned upon. Breaking their face isn't.

I have watched several foreign films. Playback singing and the Bollywood Slap are distinctively Indian. The former is definitely worth celebrating. Even if item numbers aren't. Are item numbers more unacceptable than the Bollywood Slap? Is inflicting violence worse than objectifying? Navel slaps, item numbers, Annu  Malik...all must go. But first, must go the Bollywood Slap! People see it happening all the time. Too many times. And the people doing it being repeatedly forgiven. Even praised! People copy people in the movies. People repeat dialogues from movies. People are like monkeys at the movies. Monkey see, monkey do, they say. And the monkeys are still at it in India. The censors need to be slapped out of their reverie.

India is notoriously violent. India is, in particular, violent to its women, And so are Indian films. This is not a coincidence. This movie-crazy country must open its eyes. It must not see the Bollywood Slap perpetrated so often. Or at all. It must see the Bollywood Slap as a violent act. And not an expression of tough love.