Body Love

“Some girls have penises and some do not,” I said to my 9-year old non-binary child. “I’m proud,” she said with the biggest smile on her face, hugging her legs to her chest and rocking back and forth with joy. Her affirmation of her body and identity, not in spite of, but just as they are, is the deep body love that we all deserve and need.?

?We were discussing whether she wanted to order the “girls’” or “boys’” costumes for her dance recital this year. This year she’s taking five classes: acrobatics, lyrical, jazz, ballet, and hip hop. Last year was her first year and she had chosen the “boys’” costumes at the beginning of the year, but when they arrived at the end of the year I could tell, and she confirmed, that they just “didn’t feel like her.” She was uncomfortable, and she didn’t quite look like herself. So, this year she’s choosing the “girls’” costumes with their beautiful sequins, colors, and designs. She’s choosing to be fully comfortable in her body and in herself. She’s choosing pride.?

While I regret that my child lives in a world where she even has to choose between binary gender identities, I’m grateful to have finally found a dance school that fosters her embodying and being her full self. And, most importantly, I’m thankful that she loves herself – body and all – fully. Often trans and non-binary adults and children suffer from body dysphoria – a mental health condition which causes a person to obsess over perceived flaws or defects in their bodily appearance. So, I’m thankful that my child is embracing and loving her body and herself.

?When she was 7-years old, she told me, “I’m a boy and a girl.” I wasn’t the least surprised, but over time I’m slowly understanding what her nonbinary identity means to her. There are a spectrum of ways of being trans and nonbinary. Many people who are non-binary experience themselves as gender neutral and thus neither male nor female. While some others, like my child, experience themselves as both-and. There is no right and no wrong. Our identities are the social containers for the varied pieces of ourselves, including our bodies, that we express in the world. So, for my child, I think being non-binary is how she embraces self-acceptance and love for all the different parts of her: her feminine aesthetic, her imagination, her keen Lego engineering skills, her dance expressiveness, her artistic spirit, and her beautiful Black body. Whether we are non-binary or not,? we, too,? can choose to take a both-and approach to loving ourselves. We can choose to love our bodies and ourselves in all their nuances, complexities, and so-called contradictions. And, I believe that if more people were accepting and loving of non-binary ways of existing in our society, then more trans and non-binary people would thrive, and more Black and Brown people would thrive, too. It shouldn’t be considered an error, problem, or crime to love ourselves just as we are. We are all deserving of body love.?

How can you this week embrace loving your body and self more fully? My regular practice lately has been standing in the mirror each morning and telling myself, “You are beautiful.” This simple affirmation is a confirmation of not only my physical beauty and value as a Black woman but also of my sacred internal selfhood. And, if this article touched your heart ??, please comment below ???? and share this small token of my love with your loved ones, too. ????