Body Language in a Digital World

We need to do it ourselves, but we can’t do it alone. 

That’s the reality when it comes to the S Curve of Learning? and the remote work environment several of us find ourselves in. As many of us sit alone at our work-from-home desk, we rely heavily on virtual interactions with our colleagues and peers – which has brought a new set of challenges. Most of us are still at the bottom of the S Curve when it comes to learning a new digital language. 

Research has shown only seven percent of our meaning is communicated through spoken word, with the other 93 percent communicated with our tone of voice and our body language. We rely on body language to connect and build trust. 

When we communicate in person, we lean in, uncross our arms, smile, nod, and make eye contact. How do we do that online? These are not trivial decisions.

The cues and signals we send in our digital communication make up the subtext of our messages—constructing our digital body language. This includes punctuation, response times, how we greet and sign off an email, video backgrounds, emoji use, or lack thereof. They all send signals and cues that formulate trust, respect, and even empathy in our modern, hybrid world.

Erica Dhawan’s latest book, Digital Body Language: How to Build Trust and Connection, No Matter the Distance, explores all this, and how to build trust, and connect in a digital world. Erica says, "Online, reading carefully is the new listening; writing clearly, the new empathy; and a phone or video call is worth a thousand emails."

Erica shares that in all our communications, we are answering two questions that guide how we read each other's digital body language signals:

1. Who has more or less power in this situation? 
2. How much do we trust each other? Are we close in trust or are we far in trust?

With this power matrix in mind, how do you as a digital communicator stay mindful of your power and build trust?

The most important thing that you can do is to prioritize thoughtfulness over speed. Often when communicating, or trying to build a connection with someone, we have the urge to rush a response. But, not thinking it through is never as powerful as a more thoughtful response. 

Erica and I discussed this on my Disrupt Yourself podcast. If you are someone that has high levels of power, it is important to never confuse a brief message with a clear message. You often think people can understand your nuance in a digital world, but they can’t.

That is why it is so important to remember what is implicit for in-person conversations is not in digital ones. The smile, head nod, and direct eye contact must be made explicit in virtual interactions. 

Don’t hesitate to verbalize what you otherwise wouldn’t, make sure to radically recognize others, and give credit where it's due. This approach requires thoughtfulness. For example, "THX." in an email doesn't feel like a thank you, it feels like an acknowledgment of receipt.

Digital body language in a hybrid world

We are about to move into a hybrid era where we are going to have teammates working from both onsite and remote settings. How do we leverage body language, both digitally and physically, to maximize the effectiveness of hybrid meetings?

Think about the design of your meetings. Do you listen to those who are in the room more than the online participants? One way to include everyone is to rotate meeting facilitators for different parts of the meeting. To remove the visual bias of who’s in the room, have virtual attendees lead elements throughout. 

When it’s time to brainstorm, use whichever virtual chat tool your team prefers. This allows digital participants equal input. It’s also an improvement to the turn-by-turn approach we often use in person, which can exclude introverts, those who need time to process ideas, and those who are more junior in the conversation. 

Erica suggests, that in a hybrid meeting, instead of asking "Who wants to share?” you should say, "I'd like everyone to go into the chat or a virtual whiteboard and write down their ideas to these two questions." Then, have the meeting host call on the people who shared the most diverse or different ideas. This is a more inclusive approach to the conversation and will result in better ideas. 

Next time you join a video call, send an email or host a meeting with virtual participants, pause to consider how the structure of the conversation and your digital body language impacts your ability to connect with those around you.

Where are you on your digital body language S Curve?

What is one change you can implement to improve your ability to connect with others in a virtual world?