BLUF: I'm Tired.

Bottom of my soul, core of who I am, TIRED. But the bullies CAN'T keep winning.

2 years and 1 month ago I was ready to quit the work I felt like I was on this planet to do.

I'd spent 6 days of a 10 day work trip supporting the AMVETS National Convention feeling like I was being raked against the coals time and time again. I was told I was "glib and insincere, [I] smile too much, and no one would take me seriously." I was thrown under the bus repeatedly with partners/funders who deserved SO much better. I was accused of nepotism during a presentation I was asked to give to the general membership, AND my credentials were introduced by my husband's military record and IT profession. I was told to keep fighting. To take the "neanderthals to court!" To make them hear me.

I left 3 days early when a coworker called me a leggy blonde 3 times in one 20 minute dinner conversation, while also sprinkling in a heavy dose of racism.

I was DONE, but at the encouragement of my husband, I gave AMVETS time to do the right thing... I filed the formal sexual harassment complaint my ED suggested during the one real conversation I had with him at convention - 3 pages of direct quotes and details regarding each situation. After a single call with the Executive Director and HR Lead, I never spoke with the ED ever again. He didn't respond to my calls, emails, or texts - not even when I submitted my resignation for the end of the year exactly 2 years ago.

In fact, it took TWO weeks from that email for anyone to formally contact me, despite my request to align deliverables to ensure I was leaving things better than I found it and hand off strategic relationships. I DID get cornered in a coworker's office one day by the COO for hours... that unproductive afront resulted in being told that she had told the ED that she "hoped it was just a rough 'time of the month' for me" and I'd change my mind.

Bullshit.

When I gave notice "effective immediately" in October 2022 after being told that "AMVETS was find before me, they'd be fine without me, and they didn't intend to backfill my position" (the ONLY fundraising role they had across the country), I thought I was leaving the toxicity and workplace trauma behind me.

Instead, I couldn't sleep. I lost 50lbs (and the first 30 were not on purpose, although necessary and overdue). My anxiety was consistently through the roof and my harmful repetitive behaviors were relentless. I'm still not proud of the power I let them hold over me, even as Reveille Grounds was taken off the backburner and given the chance to become something special.

Finally, in February 2023 I filed for unemployment (and was approved in less than 24hrs) and met with an employment lawyer. The firm took my case on contingency and without hesitation, and helped me file a constructive discharge complaint with the EEOC as a result of a toxic work environment and subsequent retaliation. I felt HOPE that I would regain my confidence and use my privilege (white, executive leadership, 2nd earner in my house) to stand up for my coworkers, partners, and members who were treated similarly... sometimes worse.

Instead, though, I am now 2 years without a paycheck and I had to spend THOUSANDS of dollars on legal fees after AMVETS sued me.

Not only did AMVETS block my unemployment payouts (read - I was never paid a dollar because my file was put on hold), but they bullied me during the pre-trial process and I made the decision to walk away with whatever was left of my pride and mental health before I lost more of both.

I had gone into the new year with a glimmer of renewed optimism and slightly less weight on my shoulders. I started to feel like myself again.

In February, though, there was a knock on the door and I was served a court summons.

Wait for it...

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AMVETS was suing me because I didn't sign their proposed settlement agreement because of the insane NDA, nor did I drop the EEOC complaint... or accept any money.

Yep - you read that right.

I blew the whistle on being [fairly publicly] sexually harassed in a chronically toxic work environment, and I got sued.

Nevermind that they were 10 days late getting their terms to me or that we'd all signed paperwork that was clear - it was my right to walk away at ANY time before I put pen to paper and signed anything.

Even so, they forced the situation so that I had to hire a brand new legal team (it took me TWENTY TWO inquiries and hundreds of dollars in consult fees to find the SINGLE one that would take my case). In the end, I was pushed into settling. Sitting in a courtroom with these power-hungry bullies was a terrifying thought, but I was failing to get what I'd set out in search of: I wanted was accountability. Ownership. A culture audit. Policies and bylaws reviewed. CHANGE.

Unfortunately, though, I was fairly certain my family wouldn't survive years of litigation. We couldn't afford more bullying tactics and mindgames, and we'd already lost my salary and savings to get us... nowhere.

My lawyer was able to remove some of the uncalled for demands in the settlement agreement, but after paying him and the contingency for my prior counsel, I walked away having lost more than I'd gained. I was required to drop the EEOC complaint and AMVETS walked away given a hallpass to continue to operate the same way they always have - with a lack of transparency and a whole lot of toxicity and archaic, damaging behaviors.

They didn't rob me of my voice, though.

I've been waiting for the right moment to get this off my chest and out of my heart, but I have no idea when that might be and what it would look like. So today, I'm telling my story because you need to hear it and I need to tell it.

I am well aware that with the detail I'd given for the complaint, the evidence and witnesses I had access to, and the voices of the other women who had shared their stories with me, litigating would have cost hundreds of thousands of dollars... maybe more.

They knew this and did everything they could to shut me up and stay out of the spotlight. But they didn't take my voice.

They do, however, think they get to build a transitional housing program in Pennsylvania for military-connected families like MINE, and I refuse to not use my voice. AMVETS does not deserve access to a captive audience of families who have endured trauma, loss, and displacement when they belittled me, - the wife of a combat-wounded veteran - threatened, undermined, objectified, and bullied me.

If you are looking to support or be connected to organizations that operate with integrity, please - reach out. Reveille doesn't even have to be on that list. I am happy to share more AND personally connect you to people, programs, resources, and opportunities that treat OUR community with far more dignity and respect.

"Find the Helpers," Fred Rogers said... Let me do that for you in a way that wasn't done for me.