A Blueprint For You?

If you took an unbreakable rule to never again harm yourself; not physically and not psychologically; and also decided to never again harm anybody else purposely, and were thereby guaranteed greatly increased love, human ability, and pcooperation within your relationships, would you do it?

Why Bother?

What Happens When You Harm?

The answer to “Why Bother?” is because hurting yourself —and/or others— takes away (Chips away at) the real you, who you were meant to be.

With your huge human intellectual capacity, you were born to be flexible, creative, rational, intelligent, loving, and cooperative. Many see that as having genius potential. Would you agree? Yet when you hurt yourself, distress gets in you and interferes with your huge capacity.

When you harm yourself, distress gets in the way.

Is someone being harmed if slapped, punched, or otherwise having contact?

You might APPEAR like you are, and you might be annoying. However, mostly only you AND the other person will really know whether you have actually crossed the line into pain and harm. Humans know the difference. Thus, pillow fighting be useful. It can release frustration safely, and it can be fun. Arranging a pillow fight among siblings isn’t a bad idea IF all concerned first have a rule not to harm anybody.

Each time you hurt yourself, your unconscious mind takes it as the truth. Then your unconscious mind tries to make it even more as true. For example, if or when you first smoked, you started coughing. It was your body signaling you to stop. You kept going anyway. If time after time, eventually you probably found yourself with a lit cigarette in your mouth, not even remembering when you lit it. Your unconscious mind had taken over, without you realizing it, going along with what YOU did. (Yes, harming yourself with smoking is what you decided to do.)

Every time you hurt yourself, the “real” you gets buried a bit. You also can help those you know with this no-harm commitment system, way before letting there be any descent into a crisis. You’d likely prevent yourself, and by also asking those with whom you come in contact, from ever having to experience a mental health crisis.

Proper proactive counteractive self-talk can get you back on track.

Get back on track even when you make a simple or common mistake, such as if you missed a turn on the road. Don’t call yourself “Stupid” and/or put down your humanness in any way! Kindly say to yourself something like this instead, “That’s not like you. That’s a mistake; you can focus and do better, Turn around and get back on track.” Do this type of self-response often enough, and soon you can stop hurting yourself.

Proactive counteractive talk to others you meet and know, can get them back on track. It also proves you to be a person they’re glad they know.

When someone makes a mistake, don’t call them “Stupid”, and/or put down their humanness in any way. – Kindly say instead, “That’s a mistake. Just get yourself back on track. You’re better than that. “(Or) - offer them some help to get back on track.

Get in the habit of self-talk by saying such as, “Since I have a rule against hurting myself, __________.” (For example, “Since I have a rule against hurting myself, I’ll stop calling myself names)”..... “Since I have a rule against hurting myself, suicide is out of the question!” Instead of putting yourself down, for example, if you’ve misplaced your keys, instead of calling out such as “Idiot! Jerk!”, try positive self-talk that will avoid the drama and instead aim toward a solution. This might be,

“Okay, I always put them back (on the dresser). Think! Where else could they be? I’m smart. I’ll figure this out.”

Scott Mayer of “In Fitness and in Health” notes, “As of 2020, 45 million Americans take some sort of antidepressant.... And 33% of those folks have been using them for longer than five years.”

Patients of mine who told me they used antidepressants noted that it numbs their feelings, numbing their good feelings as well. Some are worried about the side effects they see in advertisements.

Learning to stop hurting yourself through eliminating self- putdowns and harmful actions will reduce the amount of distress that gets in, enabling you to make even more flexible creative, rational, intelligent, loving, and cooperative decisions and actions.

Regarding your talk to others,

“Since I have a rule against hurting anybody else, “__________.” For example, “Since I have a rule against hurting anybody, much as I’d like to bash you for X (making so much noise), Y(moving my keys), or Z(messing up the house), instead I’ll say, “We have a problem. I have some ideas on how to agree on a better solution. Maybe you do too. When can we talk about that? (Wait for a nod or sign of agreement)….Now?”

Our good relationship is more important. I care about you. At worst, maybe we’ll end up just agreeing to disagree (on this issue).”

Usually when you hurt somebody, they resent you. They’ll often want to hurt you back similarly – psychologically and/ or physically. Some people will shut down and become worse people. Hopefully that is reason enough not to harm them. ”

This proactive talk can get you much cooperation.

Without consciously taking these 2 rules yourself, on “dark” emotional days, without taking to heart, practicing, and keeping these two safety rules over time, you will likely seriously harm yourself and/or others. So do yourself, your family, your colleagues, and your community this favor; claim these rules as yours.

What about if someone is trying to harm you, or someone you know?

Then Offensiveless Defense will come into play.

Go to the complimentary webinar: https://www.drinafried.com/webinar

About Drina Fried

School psychologist for over three decades, along with a 28 year practice in marriage family child counseling (MFCC) and Licensed Educational Psychology in private practice in California. Ed. D. Doctorate in counseling psychology and education from UOP in Stockton, California. As school psychologist of the year in Kern county, California, Dr. Drina was often sent tough cases – bullies and students who were upset and depressed. She trademarked her method of Offensiveless Defense to help protect clients against being bullied, while also not harming the bully back. Author of “End Suicide And Homicide – And the Harm In between”

Other careers have been Dental Hygienist, elementary school teacher, and visual artist.

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#frustration

#good parenting

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#Pain

#self esteem

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