Blue Collar Father, White Collar Son

A year ago, on this day, September 30th, 2016, I lost my father. It was a tough time. He had been sick over the years with several chronic health conditions, but from January 2016 things really started to go downhill and he spent most of his time in the hospital.

2016 was also the year I started my company Rake. The excitement that comes along with a new venture was equally matched with the disappointment, thinking, wondering, if my dad was going to get through this rough time just like he had so many times before.

By August though, it was becoming clear that he wasn’t going to make it. While we all maintained faith and prayed, we were also coming to grips with the reality of the situation. It was also at that time my company was launching our flagship app Rake. Again, the excitement of a launch was overwhelming shadowed by what lied ahead.

On September 30th, 2016, my father Lawrence, passed away in a hospital room surrounded by my mother, brother, and me – he was 78 years old.

My Father’s Background

Like many immigrant families, our story is similar. My grandparents came to the United States in the early 1900’s. Their primary concern was to provide shelter and to put food on the table; they were laborers. My father grew up in a family of five, he was the oldest son with a brother and three sisters. He worked since a very young age and didn’t complete high school let alone college.

He served in the Army in the Korean War and in his civilian life he was a laborer. He started as a union electrician and he would ultimately land a city job working in the New York City Transit Authority; however that was ultimately cut short from an bad accident on the subway tracks. He didn’t play sports when he was young (I don’t count stick-ball on the streets of Brooklyn as a sport) but he did love hunting.

Growing up, I didn’t have much in common with my father, especially as the youngest son who was very much into sports and video games (Atari). He had no formal education and I on the other hand, had three degrees. So while my father’s life, both personally and professionally, wasn’t anything like mine, his affect on my development was profound.

When You Think You’re Giving It Your All, You’re Probably Not.

Earning praise from my father wasn’t easy. As a parent myself, I understand the need to balance praise with criticism. But it seemed that no matter how hard I tried, my father would always make me question whether the assumption of "giving it my all" was true. Did I prepare, did I practice, did I really do all that I could? He wasn’t high on excuses, he only seemed to be interested in the results. I’m not agreeing or disagreeing with his approach, and I can’t say that as I child I appreciated it, in fact I didn’t. But down the road it would ultimately ingrain a work ethic in me that would set the tone for my professional life.

A Clash in Management Philosophy

My father never really understood what I did for a living and his understanding of how I led and managed people would result to a series of conversations that would leave him perplexed.

As someone who mostly worked in unions, my father always struggled with my style of leadership, specifically when it came to me teaching my subordinates how to do my job. To my father this was unheard of, workers kept information to themselves for job security. So, when I would tell him that my goal was to work myself out of a job (to a better job), it blew his mind. To me, if I positioned my teams to succeed, then I would succeed. My success was a result of my team’s success. I never worried about job security as long as I kept producing results. Let’s just say that later in life, he still didn’t fully understand it, but he did try hard and I think he realized I must have been doing something right. He was always proud of his sons and later in life he would show it more.

The Right Tools for The Job

I also learned from my father that no matter what job you had, it was very important to have the right tools. “Come prepared and bring the right tools”, he would say. I remember this from an early age when I would go on electrical jobs with him as a kid. I was the “get me this, get me that” kid. He’d tell me what tool he needed and I would get it.

My father had a great deal of patience when it came to mechanical projects and he was an excellent problem solver. He had a tool for everything! And because he knew their capabilities he was able to efficiently solve problems. Me on the other hand, thought I could do everything with a screwdriver, pliers and hammer. So while my career didn't involve hand tools, I would carry over that mindset to educating myself and understanding what I needed in order to solve problems at work.

In Remembrance

Though we weren’t exactly alike, his impact on my work ethic and problem-solving abilities was clear. I learned the value of preparation, hard work and accountability. His genuine nature in always wanting to help people also rubbed off on me. So, while we grew up differently and had very different jobs, I am still very much my father’s son.

I miss you dad, rest in peace.

Love your son,

Michael