Blood Bath

Sometimes the humble office is a warzone

We’ve all been there and battled our way through it or given up in defeat and limped away. And while the office may not be plastered with actual stains of carnage the marks are there, visible under blue light, apparent on the faces and in the actions of those who remain.

This is the damage that others do to our team and our organisation. Sadly, this is also what we let them do, and even sadder still, this is also how we behave ourselves from time to time (believe me I’m no saint). We know that those who wield weapons of office warfare have been around for ages; my Grandmother described having to attend to the ‘bad ones’ in 1910 when she was a temp secretary in London. Today we can also prove the negative impacts of bad behaviour on productivity, engagement, morale, staff retention and in litigation costs, but just who are these people?

Well there are types. Call them spoilers, poisoners, bullies, snakes, whatever you like. There are all types of work-weasels. Carefully worded policies and complaint processes are important, but the issue is that we don’t always stick to type as humans, and as shocking as it is we can actually slip into one of these types ourselves even when we don’t realise it. So the trick is to look for the behaviour – in others and in ourselves and nip it in the bud.

Here are some of the behaviours - see if you recognise anyone?

The water cooler poisoner

B*tching and moaning is their stock and trade and believe me the experts are very good at it. They capture the weary and unaware on their way to or from the kitchen (or the photocopier or the breakout space) and unpack their viewpoint on them with long, low subtle pleas for you to join in or try to cheer them up. Be careful though, for even in trying to avoid the pity-party (“oh, totally”) you are slowly being sucked into their abyss. “Things never change” they say; “that’s not going to work”, “you haven’t been here long enough, you just wait”. Sound familiar? Don’t let them enrol you into their private world of misery. Be overly optimistic; “it’s not that bad, really”, “oh, I don’t think they are nearly as bad as your making them out to be”. Don't be around those folk, you deserve better.  Or you know what…walk away…that works too.

The Stealth Email Bomber

We’re good at ignoring chain emails and spam, but it is not as easy to ignore the silent, obnoxious emailer in our midst. They’re the ones who copy in your manager (and everyone else and their dog) before you realise that anything was even amiss. And when they get no response they add another poor sod to the CC list for the next round. They use phrases like “very disappointing” and “everyone feels the same way”. Like teenagers with poor social media skills it is always far easier to hit SEND that have an actual chat about whatever it is that is concerning them. Let’s be fair though, email etiquette doesn’t come naturally and no one teaches it in school, so we can accidently offend others without realising. But if you are slamming out an email because you’re angry, or responding to a noxious email, or if you get a workmate to double-check your tone in a draft then chances are that you should stand up, walk away, calm down and then go and talk to that person.

The Blunderbuss

I used to work for a Blunderbuss a long time ago; loud, table-thumping, wild-eyed and passionate. Actually I liked them very much as a person, they were very likable outside of the office and loyal to a fault. I just didn’t like the behaviour when they didn’t get their own way at work. Blunderbuss behaviour talks over others, isn’t interested in your viewpoint and is going to make their point over and over until you damn-well hear it loud and clear. And after the rant is over they aren’t apologetic; in fact they’ll reinforce their standpoint. They’ll say if only others “lifted their game”, “did what was expected of them” then I (the Blunderbuss) wouldn’t need to berate them. How often have you heard "they needed to hear this"; "it needed to be said" (yelled more like).  When the blunderbuss comes out to wreak havoc, try asking to 'take it offline' or have a chat away from everyone else about constructive behaviours.

Sargeant Sycophant

Waving your own flag from time to time is important in business, but there is a line you cross when you’re constantly kowtowing to the generals. If this bootlicker is a leader then they are a weak one; when issues are raised they say they'll do something about it, but there is no follow through. There is no follow-through unless there is something in it for them.  They also likely to restrict the information to their team, guarding knowledge and information jealously. And when a team member needs them the most they will be absent, off having tea and toast with the Brigadier - too intent on their next forward move. Sycophants aren’t just leaders either. The sycophant behaviour wheedles into your conversation and is ‘nice as pie’ to your face, but that twinge in your back? That’s the knife going in. To mix metaphors a little you’ll find yourself thrown under the bus, as quick as look, by someone you thought you connected with just the other day. My advice here (and remember I am not a psychologist) is to trust your gut on these ones. If they seem a bit fake, it’s because they are! And if you work for permanent-sycophant then be warned – unless you pander to their ego and become a ‘yes-man’ you are not going anywhere, mate. Be true to yourself and consider your next move carefully.

In summary, we’re not immune to exhibiting these behaviours from time to time, but watch out that they don’t become tattooed on your forehead. All is not lost though. No need to run for the hills just yet. It is important not to become despondent about these bully behaviours.  The positive news is that they aren't prolific in most organisations.  What is most important of all is how you behave; don’t get dragged into a moral blood-bath of your own doing or someone else's in the team. Firstly check your attitude at the meeting room door, then lay out a plan. Draft a team social contract, call out rubbish behaviour, talk openly about what is okay behaviour in the office and on email.  Take that bad behaviour for a coffee and say ‘we can’t work like this; how do we fix it’. And if the behaviour is consistently bad and even escalation to the Big Guns doesn’t knock it on the head then you know what is my advice…walk! Life is too short for bad relationships…anywhere!

https://www.instructables.com/id/Office-Warfare-2013/