To the blokes out there.... Here's what we need to do to support and advocate for working mums.

I want to give a shout-out to Jonathan Brancato from Gallant Law who stood up at last night's Connecting Lawyer Mums?? Gala dinner and asked the panelists:

"What can men do to assist and advocate for working (lawyer) mums? How do we understand your needs and improve our support to working mums?"

This was a great question from JB and got a round of applause, not only because it was on topic for the night, but because it is so darn important to ensure we understand so we can address some of the fundamental challenges facing the profession.

One of the panelists, the amazing Lydia Shelly from Shelly Legal, responded with:

"Perhaps one of the men in the audience can respond to that?"

....And as a couple of fellow attendees murmured my name and encouraged me to respond, I decided to take the mic and have a crack at responding.

In summary, my attempt to answer JB's great question included the following:

(**Edit: The context here is intended to address the role of stakeholders in a working mum's workplace: work colleagues, peers, and employers, as opposed to the role played by domestic partners and/or families.)

I am blessed to work with so many amazing mums, in our team at Lawganised and also across our client base. But one thing comes with working with so many great mums: It saddens me to see working mums face life and careers with so much personal shame, negative self-talk, and judgement.

Working mums who focus on their careers feel the shame of being absent from their children. Meanwhile, when taking breaks for parental leave, or working part-time, they feel shame and judgement for not working full-time or impacting their career progression.

Honestly, it's a hiding to nothing; either direction leads to shame.

So I encourage all working mums to stop the personal shaming and focus on what you want and what makes you happy.

Men in the profession, what can you do? It's simple: Ask that very question of your working mums and work with them to support them in achieving it. The legal profession has 60% women in its ranks, so not finding ways to retain your best talent, regardless of gender, is at your peril.

But as I contemplated my response later I concluded I should have gone further. And almost by proxy, what I wanted to say was so brilliantly articulated by Excellence Award winner Sharn Coombes during her acceptance speech.....

"Comparison is the thief of joy." - Theodore Roosevelt

Sadly, I see so many working mums comparing themselves to others (often other mums), seeing other women holidaying in exotic locations, making what appears to be large sums of money, driving flash cars, generally having their sh!t together more, and, sadly, negatively comparing themselves on a rather superficial assessment of someone else.

Ladies.....Mums....Please stop.

I appreciate it's easier said than done, but please try.

I spoke to other men in the room about this concept and we generally agreed that men (and Dads) don't do that. We don't compare ourselves at the same impossibly high level and feel shame for whatever conclusion we and on.

So for the working mums, as Sharn said, please focus on what makes you happy and what your own goals are without considering or comparing what others do or what they may think of you in achieving them.

If that means being a sole practitioner and only acting for Legal Aid clients, then great!

If that means heading abroad to work at the International Court of Justice in The Hague, like Her Honour Justice Chrissa Loukas-Karlsson, then fantastic!

If that means leaving the profession to pursue a passion outside of the practice of law, like what both Karen Finch and Sarah Davidson spoke of concerning their exceptional careers, then brilliant!

And if that means just finding that ideal flexible work arrangement, in whatever role, that suits your personal goals, professional goals, and family circumstances....then we're all winning.

Whatever it is, your journey is your own and please do not feel an imaginery bar is set by others with expectations of grandeur, flashing lights, and pools of money.

Because if 200 law firms as clients prove anything, some of the happiest and most successful firms we have worked with have nailed the answers to these very questions:

• What do I want?
• What are my dreams?
• What makes me happy?

I, for one, will always ask these questions of working mums and I encourage the men in the profession to do the same.