Blog #6: Suddenly I see, this is what I wanna be!

It has been an eventful past two months summed up by the words packed, pursued, and pondered: I packed in more travel, pursued new adventures and pondered on my reasons for being in London. You may have noticed I missed a 6 month mark, September blog which was intentional. Many folks who had lived this experience before me shared that the 3, 6, 12 month marks are the ‘make or break’ milestones. So, I took some time and space to reflect, and set the tone for the year ahead!

In the first few weeks of moving abroad, I had a call with my dad where he said to me, “You need to put yourself first or you won’t last over there.” His words are wise and true, yet so many of us feel riddled with guilt for prioritising ourselves and feel like we are letting others down!

So, the theme for my October blog is a survival kit of sorts, where I am spilling the tea on how to put yourself first. With this, my song for the month is Suddenly I see by KT Tunstall. These lyrics articulate the sense of purpose we gain from putting ourselves first and how clarity in self allows us to shine brightly!

The science of kindness

Think of the biblical reference, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” – Luke 6:31. Random acts of kindness such as taking the time to leave a review for someone who’s made a lasting impression or simply making someone laugh when they are feeling down makes us feel warm and fuzzy inside! It is a fact that kindness is a chemical and practising it contributes to our mood and overall wellbeing. When being kind is part of our daily routine, the oxytocin boost releases happiness and makes us feel good for helping others! But if there are so many benefits of kindness, why don’t we practice it a little more on ourselves?

Intentional actions

I wholeheartedly believe that making intentional actions in pursuit of your dreams is one of the most self-compassionate things you can do. My guidelines for intentional actions are that they are conscious, purposeful and deliberate. When we are intentional, we grant ourselves the permission to make choices that are most important to us. Choices that align with our values and beliefs, that are fully dedicated to achieving our goals.

Moving abroad as an expat was a planned and intentional decision to put myself first. Anyone who has done it would know that taking a step into the world, by yourself, can be the toughest, at times the most challenging yet incredibly liberating and self-compassionate choice of all!

I have read Brené Brown extensively and want to share one of her empowering self-love statements that sums up totally how we should think, feel and do in granting ourselves the permission to put ourselves first:

“We live in a culture of scarcity, of never enough. There is only one way out of scarcity – and that is enoughness. At some point we need to say: I am enough.”

Turning points

When we are standing at a crossroads we have a choice to set our direction and walk along a certain path. Making this choice is a ‘turning point’ where our actions set us on a particular course. A ‘choose your own adventure’ story where a new path, leads to a new page or chapter and ultimately re-writes your story!

The 6 month mark was a major turning point for me in this expat adventure. I realised that I was in the motions of putting others happiness over my own, keeping up with the pace of city life, and using travel as a form of escape rather than of true exploration! Don’t get me wrong, I’m having fun, discovering confidence and enjoying every experience, but I haven’t been doing anything to push me to new heights and help me to re-discover my ‘North Star.’

Having recently had a birthday and thinking about the approach that could define my next 12 months, I landed on a word for the year: Radical. I’ve already had a few people say to me, “Isn't moving abroad a pretty radical decision Emma?” This might be true. Radical for me looks beyond this, allowing myself to do things that are a little unconventional (by my standards), take me out of my comfort zone and challenge the status quo. Disrupting the voice in my head that says, others over self, career over life, comfort over challenge.

What does radical change look and feel like?

For me, this radical change is an opportunity to train for a hike (more to come!), to explore my creativity by harnessing my craft in design, photography and writing, to explore my style and fashion, to immerse myself in talks and events, and to purposefully find meaning. Because I've realised that expat living is so much more than moving for a job or a lifestyle change; it's a time to fill your cup rather than pour from it, spilling out endless possibilities for self-discovery and happiness!

I would like to end on what, I believe, is one of the most fitting quotes from Eat, Pray, Love:

“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.”