Blog #5 Looking forward to 2024 and all it will bring

It’s feeling very festive now and I find myself looking forward to the new year more than ever and not in a “I’ll be glad to see the back of 2023” kind of way. Genuinely, I have so much to look forward to.

I’ve been lucky and so far, in that I am tolerating and responding well to the second phase of my chemotherapy treatment. This means over the past week or so, I have been able to spend time with friends and colleagues - taking part in team festive social events like our team secret santa - a lovely team tradition which brought a bit of normality to what has been far from normal.? (see photo of my amazing PwC team)

I’m looking forward to the festive period itself. It will be a quieter one than usual as I have treatment in between Christmas and new year but I am likely to feel well enough to enjoy things. I’m looking forward to agreeing our family essential Christmas film viewing schedule (will Die Hard be in there??!!) and I’ve refreshed our family board game supplies (not sure the teenagers will thank me). Like most people at this time of year, I can see that my family really needs a rest and I’m looking forward to being with them as they wind down.

I’m looking forward to finally finishing chemotherapy!!!? I have 2 more sessions to go, with my last scheduled for mid January. This is so close I can almost taste it and I CANNOT wait! I know that surgery and radiotherapy will follow, and these aren’t small things but I am so excited about the idea of no more poison being put into my body and being able to start feeling more like myself again.

Linked to this, I’m looking forward to my hair growing back. I don’t know when it will happen but anytime from the end of January, I am hoping things might start to slowly grow. I said at the outset that losing my hair was the one thing that I feared the most and while I’ve worked hard at ‘rocking headscarves’ and wigs, I can confirm it probably has been the worst part for me. I HATE it. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to not having my hair. Every time I look in the mirror I give myself a fright when I see the Ancient One from Dr Strange looking back at me (one for the Marvel fans). So, just the prospect of my hair growing back is thrilling. I know hair often grows back differently after chemo and it’s exciting to think it might be curly, thick or even fully grey. It’s all OK with me and I just can’t wait.

2024 will bring the next phase of my journey which is surgery and while I’m not exactly looking forward to it, I am looking forward to having a clear plan in place. Over the last few months, one thing that has surprised me is how much judgement and/or interpretation is still involved on the medical side. I wrongly assumed that various scan and test ‘results’ were more concrete than they are. Actually the different tests look for certain indicators or characteristics that cancer cells have, they do not detect cancer as such. For example, an MRI looks for increased blood flow and a mammogram looks at tissue density. These data points are then pulled together, assessed and interpreted to come up with estimates and diagnosis. All a bit less precise than I had assumed.

This is relevant to me now because the question of what my surgery should look like is currently still open and subject to judgement and more specifically (and related to my professional life) -? risk appetite. Interestingly, although maybe not helpfully, I have a surgeon and an oncologist with currently differing perspectives. One leans towards breast conserving surgery which will be less invasive, shorter recovery and potentially better aesthetic outcome. The other is more risk averse in terms of avoiding any necessary future treatment and leans towards a mastectomy and reconstruction. The second option obviously would be major surgery which carries its own risks, will be a 2-3 month recovery but will provide the safest option in terms of risk of future recurrence, essentially, peace of mind.? What is clear at this stage is that I will be part of this decision and I know that my wishes will be taken into account. In a way this makes it harder as it’s a massive decision to make and no-one can make it for me. I also know that it's a decision that will affect my family as well as me as they are the ones who will worry about me and support me throughout it.

So, lots to think about and look forward to.?

It couldn’t be one of my blogs without reiterating how lucky and grateful I am and continue to be. As we approach the end of 2023, I know we will all reflect on the year past and while the last 6 months have definitely been a challenge I feel so lucky to have what I have. Obligatory jokes below for those who appreciate fine humour.

I just interviewed someone for a job. “Can you perform under pressure?” I asked. “No”,? he replied. “But I do a great bohemian rhapsody.”

I went to the pet shop and bought 12 bees. The shopkeeper gave me 13. I said you’ve given me one too many. He said that last one was a free bee.

Best wishes to everyone and have a wonderful holiday season.?

Tagging (most of) my amazing team : thankyou for all of your support!

Sarah Isted Jamie Perkins Sweeney Liz Luke Kevin Goodeve (UK) Arwa Wilson Jodie Hutchins-Stead Vicki Flower Tamsin Coles Valeria Lukanina kaneez Icke Dorota Wasik Terri Speake Natasha Bhamra Huei Koh Danica Burn Caroline Locke