Blog 2 The Beauty of Being Selfish

The word selfish is defined as "lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure." Historically, it’s had a negative connotation, and for good reason. Speaking from my own experience: when I’ve labeled someone’s actions as selfish, it was because I felt their choices were made in vain, with little regard for others. But as I continue helping leaders guide other leaders in their organizations, I’m beginning to see a different side of selfishness—a beauty in it when used and supported in the right way.

There was a time I believed humans were naturally selfish beings and that great leaders were the ones who could get people to set aside their individual needs for the good of the team. But my understanding shifted after I encountered some surprising psychological research.

University of Michigan researcher Felix Warneken has explored this topic with young children, telling HuffPost’s Caroline Bologna, “What we’ve found is kids have a spontaneous, biologically based tendency to care about others. This makes us believe that human nature is not purely selfish; we’re equipped with some altruistic inclinations that can be elicited.”

With this new knowledge, I came to a fresh perspective: humans naturally want to uplift the group. But why, then, do people sometimes do things that seem selfish? The answer, I realized, lay in a simple but powerful concept: perception.

In the past, I perceived others’ choices as selfish if I felt personally affected. But I had been missing a larger truth: while people may act in ways that look self-serving, these actions are often aligned with their unique skills and perspectives on helping the team. Rather than forcing my vision onto others, I could begin seeing each individual’s goals as a potential asset to the team.

As a leader, I can focus less on getting everyone to adopt my plan and instead spend time understanding where their plans might intersect with our team’s objectives. Where can a team member’s skills and interests help us right now? How can I let each person “selfishly” pursue their own growth, knowing that their success can ultimately contribute to the team’s success?

My role, then, becomes one of alignment rather than enforcement. If I trust that people are naturally inclined to support the team, I can allow each team member to act on their unique strengths. By embracing what might look like selfishness, we can create a work culture where individual fulfillment drives collective progress.

The right approach allows team members to be their best selves in a way that elevates everyone.