Blink to Win Friends and Influence People

How can you become more influential in the blink of an eye? Let me show you how a simple daily practice, inspired by Malcolm Gladwell's?Blink?and Dale Carnegie’s timeless wisdom, can make you a more persuasive person. And the best part? It takes just 10 seconds a day.

In?Blink, Malcolm Gladwell explores the concept of "priming"—a psychological phenomenon where exposure to certain stimuli subtly influences our behavior, even without our awareness. Studies cited by Gladwell show how just reading words related to old age made people walk more slowly, or how focusing on intelligence boosted performance in trivia games. This got me thinking: could I combine this concept with Dale Carnegie's principles to "win friends and influence people"?

Here’s how I did it. If you want to be persuasive, you have to take what you know and turn it into action. But, let’s face it, we all forget the insightful lessons we learn. I’ve taught Dale Carnegie's principles dozens of times, yet I can't recite all 30 tips from memory. So, I decided to use priming to my advantage. I created a daily reminder system—a recurring task in my calendar that delivers a Carnegie tip every morning as a quick "influence vitamin."

Here’s how it works: Each day, I take 10 seconds to read just one of Carnegie’s tips. For instance, on the 16th of the month, I see: “Let the other person feel the idea is theirs.” I don't memorize the tips—I simply expose myself to them, trusting that priming will do its magic. This exposure helps me subtly internalize these behaviors, so they start to come naturally.

Over time, I find myself avoiding arguments, remembering people's names, and finding ways to dramatize my ideas—all without having to think about it consciously. This tiny daily habit—just 10 seconds a day—has a profound impact. And it's backed by science!

If you want to be more persuasive, I encourage you to try this simple technique. Take the list of Carnegie’s principles, put them somewhere you’ll see them daily, and spend just a few seconds absorbing them. You'll be surprised at how much you can influence others—almost in the blink of an eye.

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1 Don’t criticize, condemn or complain. Liking

2 Give honest, sincere appreciation. Liking

3 Arouse in the other person an eager want. Consistency

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4 Become genuinely interested in other people. Liking

5 Smile. Reciprocation

6 Remember their name. Liking

7 Be a good listener & encourage others to talk about themselves. Liking

8 Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. Liking

9 Make the other person feel important. Liking

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10 Avoid arguments. Liking

11 Show respect for other’s opinions and never say, “You’re wrong.” Liking

12 If you are wrong, admit it quickly & emphatically. Authority

13 Begin in a friendly way. Reciprocity

14 Get the other person to say “yes” immediately. Consistency

15 Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. Consistency

16 Let the other person feel the idea is theirs. Consistency

17 Try to see things from the other’s point of view. Liking

18 Be sympathetic to other’s ideas and desires. Liking

19 Appeal to the nobler motives. Consistency

20 Dramatize your ideas. Contrast

21 Throw down a challenge.

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22 Begin with praise and honest appreciation. Liking

23 Call attention to mistakes indirectly. Liking

24 Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing. Authority

25 Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. Consistency

26 Let the other person save face. Liking

27 Praise the slightest, and every improvement. Liking

28 Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. Consistency

29 Use encouragement and make the fault seem easy to correct. Liking

30 Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest. Consistency

So, are you ready to give it a try? Share your thoughts in the comments!

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents was an Amazon new release bestseller. The Influencer, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence in everyday situations.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 750,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!