The Blind Spots Of Life

Blind spot. That’s the name of a popular American crime series now into its sixth season. Ophthalmologists know of a blind spot as a small area in the optical field of the eye that has no photoreceptors, and therefore no image detection. And most of us who drive a car would well know our visual blind spots through our car mirrors. But these are not the blind spots that interest me. While blind spots do result from our physiology, what interests me most are the blind spots that arise from our emotions and thoughts.

The other day I read an article online that made me think about our blind spots. What causes people to have them? How do we recognize our blind spots? And even more so, how do we develop that awareness and act on our blind spots?

What are blind spots?

Blind spots occur when we allow our emotions and thoughts (usually unconscious) to influence or result in behaviors harmful to us or others. There are many stories of leaders who should be able to see these blind spots that are obvious to everyone, but they don’t. And there are so many examples, of course, on social media when we see a tweet that should never have made it to the light of day or a post that makes you wonder — what was that person thinking? The chances are that the person simply wasn’t thinking! Chances are that the person was just operating from a blind spot.

What causes us to behave thus? Because, of course, blind spots are not limited to celebrities. They affect all of us. We have certain persistent traits that shroud our insecurities, and these make us oblivious to reason. Instead, we let our emotions drive us. Blind spots happen when we are not reasonable, compassionate, or objective — they occur because the focus is on ourselves. We are blinded by our biases, by our beliefs, and by our emotions.

How do we identify blind spots?

One simple way to find your blind spots is to ask people close to you for honest, open feedback on what they perceive as your strengths and weaknesses. You might be surprised, but research shows that when it comes to assessing our behavior, other people might just know you better than you know yourself! (Vazire, 2010).

Another way is to write five words or sentences that you think describe you. Then, ask for the same from some other people in your life — your family, close friends, or your co-workers. Compare their answers with what you wrote about yourself and analyze the differences more than the similarities. The famous Johari Window test can help find out the gray areas in your personality, both in terms of how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you.

There’s another fascinating online test that can also throw light on some of our blind spots. The Implicit Association Test at Project Implicit, developed by Tony Greenwald (University of Washington), Mahzarin Banaji (Harvard University), and Brian Nosek (University of Virginia), can reveal some of the unconscious biases and prejudices we hold in life.

Ways to avoid blind spots

Noticing our blind spots should not burden us with guilt or self-recrimination, but this awareness should empower us with the responsibility to change our lives.

Personally, through the course of my life, I have developed a loose framework that works for me in recognizing and dealing with my blind spots.

Increase awareness

As someone who is always passionate about self-growth, I have been trying to be more aware of my own blind spots and situations where they hinder me, and if I can avoid them. And I have observed that, more often than not, any action that comes from these blind spots only results in regret and causes more harm. That’s why it’s important not to “indulge” in our blind spots but instead to become aware of them and the boundaries we operate in.

I have found that observing the truth about yourself without judgment will begin to change you.

With observation, you will realize two things:

We are acting out of certain emotions, be it bitterness, anger, envy. Recognizing the consequences that come from acting out from such emotions is the first step. One always comes out as a lesser person in such instances, so you have to reflect on the consequences.

The second thing is that the action we take almost always voids and negates or dehumanizes the other person. At that moment, we dehumanize the person with our action resulting from a blind spot. Our own emotions interfere with our sense of empathy, and we don’t see the other person as real.

Develop empathy

Empathy plays a significant role in our lives. It is the lubricant that keeps our lives frictionless. It enables us to see other people’s perspectives and keeps us from disrespecting others. Empathy also empowers us from within to communicate thoughtfully and effectively. When we lack empathy, there is a lack of respect and, many times, this blinds us, literally.

It’s difficult to tear ourselves away from what we believe to be true and understand another person’s point of view but doing so will show our ability to respect the people around us.

For example, to avoid sending an email in anger, I just type out the draft when I feel upset. I write the email, but then, I don’t send it at that moment. That’s how I vent my feelings out without consequences. I then wait for a day or two and more often than not, when I return to that email, I find that I want to change the tone of that email. The content may still be the same, but I may take the edge out of it or the harshness out of it. Especially, if I know that I am acting out something with the person, and this will create a difficult moment for both of us, then I try to visualize that moment, and put myself in the other person’s shoes. I give myself a quiet minute or two, and then focus on what the other person might feel and if my action is still justified.

With empathy comes clarity, and it allows us to be brave enough to be vulnerable. We strengthen our conscience in this process and no longer fear admitting to a fault or a mistake.

Cultivate openness

We have all faced situations in life where we have clung to our belief in the carefully curated version of our self, stopping ourselves from betterment simply because it involved us having to change that belief.

For example, if you find that you are always on edge during appraisal time or take feedback at work personally, then perhaps, it might be good to consider changing perspective and instead be grateful for that feedback as an opportunity for self-improvement.

Identify patterns and triggers

Blind spots often show a predictable pattern. The long shadows of our past can often shape so many of our repeated, predictable behaviors. For example, one of the most common blind spots is ‘avoidance conflict,’ which might show up in a desire to avoid unpleasant conversations or running away from something that causes discomfort. We hesitate to reach out to a friend we had a fallout with because we relive the bitter fight that drove us apart. The lingering anger, or perhaps guilt, prevents us from making the better judgment of reaching out. Living in the present is one way to let go of the past. The more we learn to focus on our present, the better our past is going to look in the future.

I have also found that practices like meditation and journaling help in identifying our blind spots. The key is to keep looking for our blind spots, be aware and cultivate humility and kindness. There is something deeply exciting about understanding our minds — exciting and, at the same time, immensely fulfilling. And it’s amazing the possibilities that open up when what was once unseen is now seen.

Virginia Woolf, the American playwright and novelist, once wrote that “the eyes of others (are) our prisons; their thoughts our cages.” Perhaps, with awareness, we can change that thought. The lens of others can filter light on our self — light that can be profoundly illuminating and empowering.

How do you deal with your blind spots? I look forward to your comments and perspectives.

Disclaimer: Views represented in this blog are personal and belong solely to the author and do not represent the views of Kstart or Kalaari.