A Blessing

I have such deep respect and admiration for adults who bring their children or grandchildren to a kids’ program. It takes much courage and strength to admit that the children have been hurt by the family disease of addiction. It’s an unbridled expression of love to allow youngsters a path of healing at such a tender age. One mom, who recently brought her eleven- year-old son to the program, had twelve years of sobriety. This young boy had never once experienced her active disease.

While it’s common for us to work with such families, there are a few challenges to address right from the get-go. We needed to be very mindful about placing this family in an appropriate group to limit Malcolm’s exposure to problems and situations he has never had to deal with in his life. In no way did we want any part of harming, confusing, or overwhelming Malcolm in the name of helping him.

I openly and honestly discussed this with his mom, yet she was adamant about his participation in this prevention program, not only because of her family’s long and pervasive history of addiction and mental health problems, but also to help him understand the importance of the recovery lifestyle she wholeheartedly embraced. While Malcolm knew that his mom went to a meeting every day, he knew absolutely nothing about her addiction to drugs and alcohol or her hard-fought healing journey. She shared, “I’ve just never been able to find the right words said in the right way at the right time.”

I honored her courage, strength, and love for Malcolm. She was giving him the gift she never got as a little kid – a safe place to learn, grow, and play. We agreed to take things one day at a time over the four-day process to make sure it was working for both. I promised to keep a close eye on him and keep him safe.

Malcolm actively participated in all activities and was well liked by his peers. He listened intently to their struggles, problems, and painful feelings. He’d tear up when kids got emotional, reach out a hand when others needed it, and shared wisdom well beyond his years. He left that first day with an excellent understanding of addiction and its arch nemesis, Treatment and Recovery. This provided a context for Mom to begin sharing with Malcolm that evening.

The culminating activity at the end of the second day is for children to write a story or draw pictures about how addiction has hurt their families. It takes two full days to build trust, develop rapport, and deepen bonding to reach this moment. The secret sauce is creating a safe place for children to be with other kids who have experienced similar challenges, issues, and difficulties. Many come to the realization that they are not alone. As this exercise unfolded, I told Malcolm, “Write about what you’ve learned here so far.” He nodded, grinned, and started.

With children and grownups in separate groups the next morning, staff prepared everyone for the kids to share their stories. The caregivers experienced a full range of emotions when they heard that the kids were going to talk about addiction – fear, guilt, shame, gratitude, joy, and sadness all were expressed. After I slowly walked through the format with the adults and then gave them a short break, Malcolm’s mom approached me and said, “Let Malcolm know that something has come up and I must leave. I’ll be back to pick him up at 3 pm.”? Before I could respond, she quickly turned around and headed for the exit. I followed her out to the parking lot. With tears streaming down her face, she declared, “I’m scared.” Then she corrected herself, “No, I’m terrified that my precious boy will tell me that I love meetings more than I love him.” I assured her that wasn’t even close to what he wanted to say. After she took a few deep breaths, I shared, “Please stay. Give Malcolm the chance to speak from his heart. I’ll be right there for both of you.”

When it was finally his turn, Malcolm sat across from his mom in the middle of the circle. He chose to talk with her instead of reading his story. He started to cry before he could find the right words to begin. “I’ve learned something very important. God blessed me when He made you my mom. Thanks for being in recovery my whole life.” Everyone in the group, both children and adults alike, were deeply moved. Malcolm continued, “I won’t get mad anymore when you go to meetings. Now I understand.? Those meetings help to keep addiction away from our family. I’m so proud of you, Mom. I love you so much.” Then they hugged and held each other for a few minutes.

This mom had scratched and clawed her way to recovery. On that day she understood that every step was worth it.