Blessed Bond: The Double Mitzvah of Sabbath Love

Dear Mindful Leader,

Ethics is often framed as a series of choices we make in public—how we treat others, how we conduct business, how we navigate the moral complexities of the world.

But what about the ethical duties that play out in the most private corners of our lives?

What about the responsibilities that lie not in grand gestures, but in the quiet, intimate moments shared between husband and wife?

This question came into sharp focus for me during a recent conversation with an Orthodox Jewish Rabbi, whose words left me rethinking the very nature of ethical living. He shared a concept that at first seemed out of place in a discussion about morality: the idea that a husband has a sacred duty, every Friday evening as the Sabbath begins, to not only love but to sexually please his wife.

I was taken aback—could this intimate act really be considered a mitzvah, a Divine commandment?

As we explored the idea further, I realized that this commandment isn't just about physical satisfaction; it's about honoring the deep connection that marriage represents, and ensuring that this bond is nurtured and celebrated within the sanctity of the Sabbath.

In Judaism, this isn’t just a suggestion—it’s a requirement that holds the same weight as other moral obligations.

A "Mitsvah" Is Also Central To Christian Ethics

In Judaism, the concept of a "mitzvah" (???????) is central, often understood as a Divine commandment or good deed. It’s derived from the root word "tzav," meaning command, and represents actions that connect the individual to God.

There are 613 mitzvot (plural of mitzvah) that guide the spiritual and ethical life of Jews, spanning everything from ritual observances to ethical practices.

Among these, the act of honoring and deepening the marital relationship, especially on Shabbat (???????), holds significant importance.

Shabbat, the Sabbath, is a day of rest and spiritual rejuvenation. It's not just a cessation from work but a time to cultivate joy, peace, and intimacy within the family. The Talmud, a central text in Jewish law, discusses the idea that the Sabbath eve is an ideal time for marital relations. This is not simply permitted but is considered a mitzvah, a righteous act that strengthens the bond between husband and wife, honoring the sanctity of their relationship.

oonah (??????)

Onah is the obligation of marital intimacy, ensuring that a husband meets his wife’s sexual needs. This obligation is deeply embedded in Jewish marital ethics, where the wife’s pleasure is not only respected but prioritized.

On Shabbat, this mitzvah takes on added significance.

In Hebrew, Shabbat is a "Yom Kedosh," a holy day, where physical and spiritual pleasures are intertwined. The term "oneg Shabbat" (????? ???????) translates to the joy of Shabbat, which includes enjoying fine meals, rest, and indeed, marital intimacy. Jewish tradition views the marital bed as a sacred space, where physical union reflects spiritual unity.

This mitzvah isn't just about physical pleasure but about building the emotional and spiritual connection between husband and wife. Judaism teaches that when intimacy is approached with the right intentions—honoring each other, fostering closeness, and expressing love—it elevates both partners, turning the physical act into a spiritual experience.

The Torah (???????) and the Talmud emphasize that sexual relations between a husband and wife should be conducted with love, respect, and joy.

The Sabbath eve is a time when the stress of the week melts away, and couples can connect without the distractions of daily life. It is a time when the holiness of Shabbat permeates the home, making it the ideal moment for this intimate mitzvah.

Consider the words of Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch, who wrote extensively about the sanctity of marriage in Judaism. He emphasized that marital relations are not only for procreation but for the mutual pleasure and emotional bonding of the couple.

On Shabbat, this pleasure is heightened because it’s done within the context of holiness and rest, where the soul is at peace, and the body is relaxed.

When this mitzvah is fulfilled with kavod (???????, honor) and simcha (????????, joy), it reflects the Divine blessing of the marital relationship. The Kabbalists, Jewish mystics, even speak of the Shekhinah (?????????), the Divine presence, dwelling between a husband and wife who love each other and fulfill each other’s needs. This presence is said to be particularly strong on Shabbat, making the mitzvah of marital intimacy all the more powerful.

From a halachic (Jewish legal) standpoint, the obligation of onah ensures that the wife’s pleasure is prioritized.

The Talmud discusses that a husband should be attuned to his wife’s desires and rhythms, making sure that their intimacy is a source of joy and satisfaction for her. On Shabbat, when the atmosphere is one of peace and sanctity, fulfilling this mitzvah becomes an expression of divine love.

This mitzvah is not merely about fulfilling a duty but about celebrating the love and connection that is central to a Jewish marriage.

In fulfilling this mitzvah, you are participating in the ancient tradition of Shabbat observance, where physical pleasure is not only allowed but sanctified. It is an acknowledgment that in Judaism, the body and soul are not in conflict but are meant to work in harmony, especially in the loving union of husband and wife.

A Mindful Ethical Marraige

When we approach our relationships with this level of care and mindfulness, we elevate them from the mundane to the sacred. In doing so, we fulfill not just a religious duty, but a profound ethical commitment to love, respect, and cherish those closest to us.

In the rich tapestry of Jewish tradition, remember — the Sabbath (???????) is not just a day of rest; it is a day of sanctity, joy, and deep spiritual connection.

Among the many mitzvot (???????, commandments) that elevate the Sabbath, there is one that intertwines the physical with the spiritual in the most intimate way: the mitzvah of marital relations. Indeed, having intercourse on the Sabbath is not merely permitted; it is a mitzvah, a sacred act that carries with it an additional layer of Divine blessing.

The term mitzvah goes beyond mere obligation. It is a way to draw closer to God, to align one's actions with the Divine will.

In the context of marriage, the mitzvah of intimacy is about nurturing the bond between husband and wife, ensuring that the relationship is not only sustained but flourishes. The Talmud teaches that the Sabbath is the ideal time for this sacred union, a time when the pressures of the week fall away, and the couple can connect in a state of peace and holiness.

When a husband and wife come together in love on this holy day, they are not only fulfilling a physical need but are also engaging in a spiritual practice that enhances the sanctity of their relationship. The union itself becomes a conduit for Divine blessing, a way to honor the day and each other.

But here’s where it gets even more interesting: engaging in marital relations on the Sabbath is considered an additional mitzvah.

The act itself is one mitzvah, and because it is done on the Sabbath, it carries the added weight of the holiness of the day, effectively multiplying the spiritual merit.

The reasoning behind this is deeply rooted in Jewish thought. The Sabbath is a time when the soul is more attuned to spiritual realities, when the barriers between the physical and the Divine are thinner. By choosing to express love in this context, the couple is not just fulfilling a commandment; they are elevating the very nature of their relationship.

This dual mitzvah—both the act of intimacy and the special sanctity it gains on the Sabbath—is a reflection of the holistic view Judaism takes toward the human experience.

The physical and the spiritual are not in opposition but are meant to work in harmony.

In marriage, this harmony is expressed in the union of husband and wife, a union that, on the Sabbath, becomes a powerful affirmation of life, love, and Divine connection.

The Kabbalists, Jewish mystics, teach that the Shekhinah (?????????), the Divine presence, rests between a husband and wife who love each other and fulfill each other’s needs, especially on the Sabbath. This presence is said to bring an added layer of peace and blessing to the home, turning the marital bed into a sanctuary of love and holiness. The very act of intimacy becomes a prayer, a way to bring God’s presence into the most private and personal aspects of life.

So, when an Orthodox rabbi told me it is is a mitzvah to give your wife an orgasm on Sabbath eve, he is speaking from a deep understanding of how God views the interplay of body and soul, love and law. The Sabbath is a time when everything is elevated, when even the simplest acts can become profound expressions of faith and devotion.

By engaging in this sacred union on the Sabbath, you are not only fulfilling a Divine commandment but are also participating in the ancient tradition of sanctifying the day through love and connection. This act becomes a testimony to the beauty and depth of the marital bond, a bond that is strengthened and blessed in the holiness of the Sabbath.

Shabbat Shalom (??????? ???????). May your home be filled with the double blessing of love and sanctity, and may your union be a source of joy and divine connection, especially on this most sacred of days.

Stay well. Swim Strong.

Warmly,

David

P.S. I wanted to do something a little different with this edition of Mindful Ethics. The topic might be more intimate than what you're used to seeing here, but I believe that exploring the ethics of our private lives is just as important as the decisions we make in public. I hope this discussion resonates with you and encourages a deeper reflection on how we bring mindfulness into every aspect of our lives, even the most personal. If this approach feels unexpected, I hope you can see the value in expanding our ethical conversations to include the sacred duties we hold in our closest relationships. Thank you for joining me on this journey.

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? Published by: David Vogel, in Wolfeboro, New Hampshire

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