Blessed, amid suffering

I feel most blessed in moments when I am exposed to the true suffering of the world. It’s not the suffering itself that elicits the feeling. Rather, it’s only when I am able to truly witness and embrace it, without clinging or pushing it away, that I experience the deep and sacred feeling of being blessed. Being a trauma counselor for combat veterans, I have the privilege and honor of this experience perhaps more often than others might. 

As time goes on, my only desire is to become more comfortable in that space of experiencing suffering, without clinging or pushing it away. As Tara Brach notes in Radical Acceptance, “This attitude of neither grasping or pushing away of any experience, has come to be known as the middle way”. The middle way is the desired space spiritual figures like Jesus and Buddha have equally stressed as important- and their teachings demonstrate it in their own important ways. 

I believe the middle way, the ability to hold suffering without grasping or pushing it away, is how we experience our truest sense of humanity. That is precisely why in those moments of bearing witness to suffering, I feel completely blessed.

It is both impossible and foolish to compare the various types of suffering in the world, so what I am about to say should be interpreted carefully. I recently had the opportunity to tour an immigration detention facility on the border of Mexico, and to sit and talk with groups of detained immigrants. The level of suffering I witnessed while there had similarities to what I witness in my daily practice with combat veterans, but something about it felt different. 

Perhaps it was the stories of these individuals fleeing their countries in fear of their lives, due to the religious, political, or violent criminal persecution they endured. Maybe it was the look of fear, hopelessness, and despair I read in their eyes, faces, and body language. Maybe it was the fact that many hadn’t seen or heard from their spouses, children, or parents since leaving home. It could have been when I learned the stories of those who fled because their close friends or family had been murdered, or the stories of massacres witnessed along the way. Maybe it was discovering the detailed intricacies of human trafficking that brought many of them from around the world to the table I sat with them at.

Perhaps it was the hardening I saw in most of the guard staff, reminding me of the hardening I had to endure in a war zone years ago, in order to do my job without having emotions get in the way. Or, maybe it was when I learned the system we’ve put in place as a country has led to us putting asylum seekers in the same category as criminals and treating them as such. Due to fear of death if they return home, 90 % of the individuals in detention had checked in at the border to claim asylum. Current policy requires them to be detained automatically, and in some cases they are detained for years before a “credible fear” is confirmed, asylum is granted, bond is paid, and they are released into the country. I can only wonder what my life would be like if my immigrant ancestors had been treated the same way.

The combination of all those factors is obviously the answer to the level of suffering I witnessed. As I left the facility, I could not find adequate words to describe what I had just experienced. I had to ponder it for a few days to realize what it meant to me and to parse out the complexities of such an environment. I then gained a new appreciation for how blessed I am to have born witness to the level of suffering I saw. I will take this new appreciation back to the work I do as a trauma counselor, and I know I will be a better therapist for it.

My take away from the experience is what I started this reflection with: when bearing witness to suffering, with an attitude of not grasping or pushing away from it, we tap into our truest selves. In those sacred moments, we can confidently say, we are blessed.

Later that evening, after visiting the detention facility, I was eating dinner next to one of the founders of CIVIC, the organization that coordinated our visit. After learning of my background with trauma and the work I do with combat veterans, she asked if there were anything I could recommend for how they approach the trauma of the immigrants they work with, the trauma that one can easily see on their faces every time they visit. My response at the time was insufficient, not having had enough time to mentally digest what I had experienced earlier in the day.

But now, the answer I’d give applies to anyone who recognizes suffering in themselves and the world: do not grasp on to it, and do not run away from it. Honor it, make space for it, respect it, acknowledge it, normalize it, and remember being able to do that among so much suffering is an absolute blessing and a reminder of the deepest sense of our humanity. In doing so, and in being able to articulate and demonstrate as much to those who are experiencing the suffering firsthand, you can provide an example to your fellow colleagues and detainees alike, of a healthy way to experience and witness suffering.

You can walk through the middle way. And you can instill hope and resilience in those who need it the most, including yourselves. Having an opportunity to practice the middle way is always a true blessing. So even in the midst of suffering, practice the middle way, observe and reflect on how it transforms the situation, and recognize that in doing so, you truly are blessed.