Could I Bribe You to Like Me?

When one of my articles gets a healthy number of views, someone often posts a comment that derides the piece as a "click bait" article. The content of the article doesn't seem to matter, only that a lot of people are reading it... so therefore it MUST be a click bait article. Since I'm publishing this piece on April 1, it seemed like a good time to show you the difference between my normal pieces and actual cynical, self-serving, superficial, click bait articles. Here goes...

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For a limited time and under certain conditions outlined at the end of this post*, I will send an entire railroad car jam-packed with fresh California oranges to anyone who "likes" this post. To be clear, I am not simply promising* to mail you a case of oranges; I am offering to send an entire train to your house, regardless of whether or not train tracks extend to your front door (yet).

But, wait... it gets even better.*

If you also tweet about this post, I will toss in three apples at no extra charge.* Yes, I know that three apples doesn't sound like much compared to an entire trainload of oranges, but I got a deal on the oranges and apples are tough to come by this time of year.

Here's more good news... you don't even have to read this piece; you just have to share it.* I've decided to no longer worry about whether my articles are genuinely helpful to people. Instead of trying to share a simple tip or small bit of actionable advice, from now on I am going to emulate the ways that many leading companies manage their social media activities: by bribing you to "like" them.

In the weeks to come, I hope to offer free vacations* to the French Alps and perhaps even a free washing machine* for your home. This, in part, depends on my ability to convince General Electric that they have a vested interest in growing my followers. Lest you think I will be unable to persuade them, let me mention that GE has certainly done dumber things than give me 10,000 free appliances.

This is a win/win deal for both of us. While you'll be enjoying a series of free gifts* and plenty of fresh citrus*, I will be saving gobs of time I previously invested in writing. Truth be told, it doesn't take much effort to mindlessly bribe people to "like" you.

But let's not get stuck on semantics or substance. It's time for more free gifts.* I'd like to give away* this beachfront hotel - complete with pier* - to the first person who gets me a five-minute segment on the TODAY Show.* It would be great if you could get me on the second hour, because I'm not really a morning person and I want to make a good impression. But if absolutely necessary I am willing to wake up early - just this one time - and appear in the first hour.* If need be.

* All the offers and promises in this article are fake, false, and even untrue. There are no free oranges. The hotel is just a digital image, not an actual hotel.

Never share content just because someone bribes you to do it. Only share content that you genuinely feel will help other people.

Images: Boston Public Library/Flickr

Bruce Kasanoff is a ghostwriter for business professionals (that means people like you). Learn more at Kasanoff.com. He is the author of How to Self-Promote without Being a Jerk.